Can you rate my poem and edit it?

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I feel like I'm screaming to you through a soundproof wall
My heart is lurching in my chest
As I grip my skin, I can feel it beating
It hurts, but the pain is soothing
As I shout out my last proclamation of love
My heart explodes through my chest
The skin hangs below my chin
But my engrossment lies upon the tattered heart
Odd-shaped pieces line the floor before me
I collapse to the ground
My knees won't hold my weight
As my cheek meets the soft white plush of the carpet
My eye focuses on the core of my barren heart
But past the heart In the white padded wall
I can see your face
And you mouth the words I'd been longing to hear
But the heart in front of me struggles to beat
And with one last agonizing stretch
The heart swells to size
And I scream my proclamation

This was written at 1:30 in the morning so have an ounce of mercy? =) this is my first time writing a poem that doesn't rhyme or have a specific beat. Thanks!
 
this is really good- especially for something written in 1:30 in the morning and since this is your first poem like this! im experimenting writing poems without a certain rhyme and beat also. great job! :)
thanks for answering mine! :)
 
no no, it very good and i rate it a 9 out of 10 due to the subjectivity and choice of theme i prefer and write about abstract themes good work tough
 
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