can someone pleeeeez proof read my personal statement for my resume?? (only 2...

Z

zordon

New member
...paragraphs)? My interest is architecture dates back to the sixth grade when I saw an artistic student sketching the inside of a house. This was a huge inspiration for me because it made me think of how I can create something that can bring out my creativity and possibly inspire others as well. My desire of making a difference in the world led to my interest in doing work to serve my country. After high school, I planned on joining the Army Reserve to enhance my experiences overall. However, my parents objected that idea for my own safety which brought me back to pursuing my architecture career. After hearing about the CIA and doing some extensive research, I realized that this is where I would like to see a future in. I hope to find an area of work that can also utilize experience from architecture.

Although I have never had a job before, I am extremely motivated to give 110% and see what I am capable of. I am highly aware of the arduous obstacles that the CIA offers and I wish to begin with an undergraduate internship program. I am dedicated and determined to get in and gain much needed experience. My goal for now is to get an internship for the CIA and see where I can go from there. I am without a doubt, interested in CIA work and I am committed to get to the top. With a life changing experience this can bring me, I will become diligent and responsible person that would also be a great addition to the team.
*in architecture (my bad)
anything i should omit or add?
 
I think its a little long. I read a-lot of applications (completely different area) and i tend to glaze over at too many words. Avoid any negatives like i have never had a job, my parents objected etc. Save it in-case they ask. Positive only.

A suggestion, completely up-to you what you use/don't.

I am a highly motivated candidate with an avid interest in Architecture. My desire of making a difference in the world led to my interest in serving my country and after hearing of the opportunities at the CIA I realized that this is where I can see my future.

I hope to find an area of work that can also utilize experience from architecture. I am dedicated, and determined, diligent and responsible, and believe that I would be a great addition to your team.
 
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