Can one spouse take child if no custody orders/divorce in place?

A family member recently discovered wife had an affair. Before they could discuss things, she took off in the middle of the night with the 18 month old. She left town, not the state. She is now living in very poor conditions with the child, refuses to go back. She has allowed child's grandparent to visit but insists she will not come back and will not allow anyone to take child without her being present. Can other parent take the child back? What if police are called? Can they intervene without a custody order in place? She is threatening to call the police if child is taken....just wonder if this is true, and if nothing can occur, how can the other parent get him away from her without a scene?
 
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