altering his image of me? I've had a string of eating disorders (self-diagnosed) for the past year, and it is getting progressively worse. I am 22 and my younger brother is 18, and he is the closest person to me though we never get too personal. I've never opened up to anyone about this before but I've read it helps to talk and I'm running out of options. I'm worried that he won't respect me the same, as in, he's supposed to look up to me, right?
My issues, somewhat abridged: I've never been secure with my weight, though looking back I was pretty average, if not just on the border of overweight. Last year I decided to lose weight and it lead to starving myself with <500 calories a day and burning more than than a day on the treadmill. This lead to extreme binging episodes that would continue for weeks until I was so disgusted with myself that I starved myself again...etc etc. This cycle brought along purging eventually. Over this passed summer I spent a lot of time running and eating pretty well. When I started going downhill again, I went to a bariatric clinic and started taking Adipex for appetite suppressant and lost a good bit of weight, but as soon as I got comfortable I went into binge mode again and since then there has been no turning back.
I've gained it all plus more back and I've become a recluse, ignoring friends and family and spending more time thinking of, and binging, and hating myself because of it. I haven't purged in months but I've been getting the urge to again lately. I'm afraid of what talking to a therapist may lead to, and I don't have any kind of medical coverage and don't want my parents to find out, my mother has enough to worry about. I don't want to be dependent on medication. Despite my issues I can still enjoy life sometimes, but I have felt more numb to reality than in the past. I have fun when I get myself to go out with friends, but it doesn't last. I need someone to talk to, but I know that people think of others differently when they know they have some kind of disorder/mental health issue.
My issues, somewhat abridged: I've never been secure with my weight, though looking back I was pretty average, if not just on the border of overweight. Last year I decided to lose weight and it lead to starving myself with <500 calories a day and burning more than than a day on the treadmill. This lead to extreme binging episodes that would continue for weeks until I was so disgusted with myself that I starved myself again...etc etc. This cycle brought along purging eventually. Over this passed summer I spent a lot of time running and eating pretty well. When I started going downhill again, I went to a bariatric clinic and started taking Adipex for appetite suppressant and lost a good bit of weight, but as soon as I got comfortable I went into binge mode again and since then there has been no turning back.
I've gained it all plus more back and I've become a recluse, ignoring friends and family and spending more time thinking of, and binging, and hating myself because of it. I haven't purged in months but I've been getting the urge to again lately. I'm afraid of what talking to a therapist may lead to, and I don't have any kind of medical coverage and don't want my parents to find out, my mother has enough to worry about. I don't want to be dependent on medication. Despite my issues I can still enjoy life sometimes, but I have felt more numb to reality than in the past. I have fun when I get myself to go out with friends, but it doesn't last. I need someone to talk to, but I know that people think of others differently when they know they have some kind of disorder/mental health issue.