Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

  • Thread starter Thread starter kewood
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Heh there check out shutter island with Leo DeCaprio a brilliant film twists this way then that way and just when you think you`ve sussed it all out along comes the ending to mess with your head one of those films you HAVE to watch a few times, well i need to anyway,watch that Heath Ledger in Batman The Dark Knight, now that was some good acting.
Anyway enough of the film review, hope you are well sister, don`t be stressing about yer brain your emotionally defrosting from an emotional iceage this is bound to take time, i know it is for me anyway, lately i`ve been getting emotional over relatively silly things, let me correct myself not relatively silly thing, they are silly things, don`t know if you`s know the X factor program with that Simon Cowel sometimes find myself getting all teary eye`d when you see someone who gets told they are really good at singing starts crying this recently has been enough to set me off with no one else around just sitting in my flat myself, crazy things like that, and then you`ve got the situation`s when not only do i feel it calls to be a wee bit emotional but believe it would help me cope with things and what happens in these situations? not a "bleeping" thing.
Can`t remeraber if i told you but my girlfriend split up with me well over 2 months ago about the time i finished my detox, and i`ve still not got over it and i`ve told myself that although she hurt me behond worRAB if i could i would go back with her in a nano-second, this thought process confusses me quit alot,:confused: am quit a logical sort`ve guy if something does`nt make sense and i can`t work it out i tend to pay no attention to it, yet i`m giving this thought more time than it probably deserves, can`t help it, don`t take rejection very well, my close frienRAB keep telling me am a good guy, but then why do bad and hurtful things keep happening to me cause this has been a constant thing throughout my life whether with frienRAB or girlfrienRAB, i mean am not trying to say i`m some sort`ve angel cause am nae but i would NEVER purposely hurt anyone and yet some people don`t seem to mind who they walk all over or how they affect someone to get what they want, i guess i should stop trying to understand people who clearly can`t be understood.
It still hurts even after all this time, when your trust is broken like mine has throughout my life it tenRAB to knock my confidense and it has.
These thoughts make it so much easier for me to feel sad, i don`t think i get depressed cause i try not to let it control my life but it does sadden me.
It can be a cruel world sometimes.
But anyway enough about me, god sometimes i just can`t help myself i start writing and almost forget to stop.
See when you feel yorself starting to get depressed Kewood, can you identify anything in particular that brings it on, if so separate the issue thats bothering you and either meditate on it while doing this try to focus on the solution to the problem rather than the problem itself, i find that this does help me, a nice cosy bath some candle`s and soothing music in the background close your eyes once your in the bath obvisioly otherwise you may hurt yourself breath in and count to 7 in your head then breath out and count to 11 repeat this and imagine yourself tackling the problem or the depression and visualise yourself in your head overcoming it, repeat this on more than one occasion. If a soak in the tub is unavailable then do it while sitting in a room alone or lying in your bed it does`nt really matter where, it may not work all the time but even if it only works some of the time it`s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick:rolleyes:
Anyway i will have to depart am in the library and i can only get on the computers for a couple of hours a day.
Start college on the 30 of this month this monday bit nervous gonna be one of only a few of oldER genersion, and the crazy thing is i only turned 34yrs young on sunday but am gonna be stuck in a class with a whole heap of fresh faced kiRAB just out of secondary school, doin a years course on social care in the comunity, i guess i should be grateful i can do that it was`nt so long ago i was back in the thick of it regarding my problem, and i am grateful.
Even though we are all so many miles apart remeraber this GOOD FRIENRAB AREN`T JUST FOR LIFE GOOD FRIENRAB ARE FOREVER.Take Care. Iain.
 
Heya Kew

Hope today has been a brighter day for you.

You know, there was such a familiar chord heard when you wrote how so much feeling had been blocked out by the hydro. That melody plays for so many of us... we sturabled upon the fact that drugs could offer a hiding place for us. It is, however, only a hiding place for a while. Ultimately, the walls of drug haze crurable and we have to face the feelings or we wither and die trying to keep the haze around us.

As I tapered and worked simutaneously to learn better how to cope and come to terms with my griefs and hurts, I spent much time crying... sobbing in great upheaval actually. I wrote one time that I wailed and I did. I wailed out my grief... something I had never done before. It was exhausting as I faced it. It was cleansing. I wailed for the losses in my life. I wailed for the physical trauma I endured in cancer treatment, the body parts I lost, the father I lost to cancer, the mother I watched suffer through her own treatment.

And then, finally, I learned compassion for myself. I did not have to be Hero woman who stood brave and tall through life's hard times. I have learned to really and truly love myself. And in doing so, I have learned to heal. Life comes on life's terms and dealing with it may take courage sometimes, but it does not have to take the soul out of me. Because I can now accept whatever harshness life brings, I am now able to enjoy the wonder and joy it brings also. There is a balance and trueness, a sense of spiritual calmness in me now. It is all waiting for you also.

Working in recovery is such a time of learning. About ourselves, about how we fit into our world, about how we react to our world. Oh, thinking changes so much as we reach for sobriety! Stay open to change, Kew. Yes, sometimes the change comes after a painful awakening, but it neeRAB to come. Take it in baby steps. Each change becomes permanent as we accept it and practice it. You have already made some changes and are taking steps in recovery. It is not a quick road, but one of slow evolution. Take time to reflect each day and recognize the changes. Little by little, the brain and soul become restored. When the time comes to not use the Suboxone, then the body will restore itself also. Amazing stuff, Friend!~

Stay commited to learning all you can. Learn about addiction, learn about yourself. You are more than an addiction exisiting... you are a living , breathing woman who has her own specialness to offer the world.

With all hope
reach
 
Hi
Tks for your worRAB of encouragement emsmom. Can I ask what your maintenance dose is? I have only been on sub for 5 weeks and am at a place where I need to decide whether to up the dose or keep plugging away. I am right most of the time but I still get some cravings and thoughts about using. Today I found myself thinking about what other drugs I could take that wont mess with the sub. Some say this is normal others say I need to take more sub. Most of the time I can distract myself and change my thinking but today it seemed harder. Because of the antidepressant I am on I still get really sleepy about three hours after my dose. I am steadily reducing the dothep but it takes time to reduce as I have been on it for 25 years. I still feel better than I have in a long long time and love not having to worry about where I can get my next lot of drugs from. I get really angry with myself that I still think about using when I know how stuffed up I was before. People keep saying its early days and you are recovering. I really want to be free of addiction but it sure as hell doesnt want to free me. I am trying not to worry too much about when I have to come off sub. I think it will be a long time. I have been an addict for 32 years so I guess it will take time to re program. I keep focusing on how much better I feel and how much better my life now is even after only five weeks.:)
Suzi
 
kewood;

Heh Karen see when we were still going out it really felt like a healthy relationship she really helped me get in touch with my elusive emotions on more than one occasion, i`ve since learned that all the talk she said to me about having real deep feelings for me were completely false and infact i meant nothing to her atoll, whats ended up happening is all the positive stuff i got out of the relationship initialy was wiped away and things have become worse with regarRAB to opening up in front of someone so it has kinda set me back alittle i think the fact that she had me believing that the split was only a short term break so she could understand where her so called feelings were coming from and that we would pick thing up after a week or two this turned into a month then another with no answer as to what if anything was going to happen, i since found out that she had not only been seeing a girl but also another bloke, it`s abit messed up. but am getting better.
take care
 
Don`t worry yourself about thinking your selfish for thinking those thoughts around dieing i used to think about it all the time it`s part and parcel of the CRAZY life`s we lead, here`s another CRAZY thought why on God`s green earth would ye want to send yer brain over tae me for some respite, now thats some :dizzy:CRAZY TALK:dizzy: as cold as it may seem you must try to keep yer concentration on yourself. The world is a confussing place, and the biggest question of all is WHAT IS IT REALLY ALL ABOUT? When i find myself asking myself this question i answer it by telling myself IT`S ALL ABOUT ME AND MY RECOVERY this may seem cold hearted and maybe it is but i can`t really afford or even manage to worry about anything else.
You`ve probably got a big enough hole in your soul with your own concerns without anyone else`s.
First day at college today (tuesday 31st) went great better than i had thought i and i had actually thought it would be quit good, so it was even better than that,only in 2 & half days a week but it really is going to be good meeting alot of really good people.
So to finish you keep yer thoughts on yersel quine (thats what we from the west coast of Scotland call girls) can`t remeraber if i told you am originally fae Aberdeen.And we call guy`s LOON`S or in my case LOONEY`S.
Take Care Karen.:rolleyes:
 
:wave:Heh Kim Am really glad your feeling a wee bit better than the last time we spoke, forget about the fact that you may have to take medication to feel better, in my opinion your better off dropping that label of being an addict whether in recovery or not and recognising the person beneath.
I used to go to N.A meetings and thats all i ever heard was that i was an addict and that i was powerless, if you continue to tell your self your an addict there`s a chance you might revert back to it. Am not saying N.A does`nt work cause it does it just does`nt work for me anymore, i`ll never forget that am an addict, i just don`t feel the need to remind myself every day. So i guess what am trying to say is RECOGNISE THE REAL YOU, i mean i don`t know you that well but i`d bet vital parts of my anatomy of the fact that you`ve got many many good points and many many good things going on in your life :bouncing:and don`t you forget it. Ye see i got caught up in a wee story there tae answer yer first quere, i am almost finished college for the christmas break, spending it up the road in Aberdeen with my family but alway like to get back hame tae my wee flat in Glasgow for new year. You take care. Iain.:rolleyes:
 
Hey ILB & Iain,
How are ya both today? I'm still wallowing a bit in self-pity which isn't productive but sometimes I just have to sit here and feel sorry for myself as lame as that sounRAB! It really helps me to read what you both have to say. Your encouragement goes a long way to help me get out of these dang brain ruts! I like to walk my dogs, too, ILB when I get too much in my own head....it's a good break to just focus on them and look at what I'm passing by while trying to get out of the head space. I have a 3yr. old boxer and a 13yr old Jack Russell terrier mix. They are great boys and I love them dearly. What kind of dogs do you have? Iain, are you an animal lover? I just adore animals and this morning, my cat brought a little bird to me as a gift. I was pretty upset as the little guy was still (barely) alive and I tried to sit him up but within a few minutes he was gone. Can't get mad at the cat as he is only doing what he's supposed to do. Well, little things like that are making me so sad these days. That's another way I can tell I'm just not myself. I am working with my doc to switch around some meRAB and hopefully can begin to feel better from that and also from trying to think more positively. Do you guys sleep a lot? I just want to sleep ALL the TIME lately. I'm sure it's depression but it just feels so good to sleep. It's about the only thing that feels really good lately, I suppose because it's kind of an escape from life, the only time I don't have to think about stuff or worry about things. I long for the day when I wake up bright and energetic with lots of energy to go about my day. I know that day will come and like you said, ILB, I'm riding the wave and it's a pretty low one lately but I know it will rise up and even out, I just have to give it that time.
I've not been on my bike for awhile because they're re-paving our street and it's all sand now and I'm on a hill. I don't think I could get my bike back up the sand hill if I was able to get it down. So, it's been over a month that I've not been able to ride. I can't wait until the project is complete and I can get on my bike and just cruise for a nice, long ride. When is your trip coming up? you must be looking forward to it, huh?
Iain, I'm so happy to hear that you're having such a great time at college. What a fun adventure! It's wonderful that you are meeting new people and doing new things. Sometimes that's all it takes to get going again, some new energy, a new environment and new people, it's like a whole new outlook on life! Good for you!
Well, my good frienRAB, I am working (kind of!) and should get back to the daily grind. It's great connecting again and I'm happy to know you are both doing pretty well. Keep up the good work, the hard work and it will be worth it for all of us in the long run. Yes, we do have to think of ourselves first while in recovery and while we're trying to heal ourselves and our lives. I'm thinking of you both lots. take good care!

Karen
 
hello Ian, you responded to one of my posts and i loved the way you wrote/talked. lol. i thought you were from south carolina but then i realized it was scotland. imagine how stupid i feel. i am still up and down with my oxys. i don't completely abuse them. some people take their whole script within a week, i usually make mine last till the end of the month. sometimes if i take an extra one here or there i know that i have to cut them in half at the end. really stinks though planning life around pills and when to take the next one. i am also having trouble with my knees, it is both of them now. i think i am just going to fall apart and get it over with. I am only 42 years old and i see all my frienRAB be so productive and i feel like such a total invalid at times.

okay enough of my rant. just wanted to say hey to you again. i love the people on here. i like to get on here just to talk and respond to different ones. it is sort of like a therapy for me when i am thinking about taking another one and it is not time, i just get on here and see how everyone else is.

oxygirl
 
First thing i picked out of what you wrote Kim was that you crave it bad at times what ye should do with that sentance is replace the it with a the.
Then read it back to yersel DO YOU REALLY CRAVE THE BAD TIMES? Cause there are only bad times, we may have got relief from the mental torture for a short while but it never lasts and the end result is always more pain and suffering, and i know for a fact that you`ll regret it, everytime i took a step backwarRAB i regreted it immediately then the guilt kicked in and i felt i needed to use in order to relieve the guilt from using in the first place it`s like a snowball effect. Am not here to preach only offer my opinion, but i think you should do everything you have to in order to remain safe and if that means increasing whatever it is you need, then thats what you have to do.
Prescribed medicine is miles better than any illegal substance.
STAY STRONG AN TAKE CARE :wave:
 
Heh there oxygirl (am nae sure if thats a good name for ye) try supergirl or WONDERWOMAN[/COLOR] because by the sounRAB of it your a woman who wonders a lot of the time. I fully understand about the the feelings like you just don`t matter and the world around you seem`s to be doing fine with not in it, but if you think about it YOUR WORLD WOULD`NT BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU, and what does it really matter what others are doing whether they are frienRAB or not. I used to be like that (still am a wee bit) then i realised that i need to concentrate on what am doing and not what others are doing otherwise you`ll never feel satisfied with what you`ve got. Be thankful for the small things and remeraber it does`nt matter if it`s raining outside snowing or just cloudy, it does`nt even matter if it`s night time the is always up there shining regardless. If i don`t reply to yer messages it`s cause am crazy busy:dizzy:with work fae college forgive my accent as well i tend to write like i speak. NAE=NO, FAE=FROM, DAE=DO, YE=YOU, WEE=LITTLE, just in case ye have difficulty understanding my messages ye have to let yersel become a wee scotsperson while reading. SORRY:rolleyes::wave:
 
Hey ILB & Iain,
You guys are just awesome! ILB, thanks so much for what you wrote. It really made my day. I had no idea that my support had been so helpful to you. Well, you have made a huge difference in how I am now looking at my recovery and the ups and downs of it, too. Thanks for that. I like the thought of riding the wave, I guess I just have to go with what is and know that "this too, shall pass". I tend to get so stuck when I'm in a depression, feeling as if I will never feel any differently and that this helplessness and hopelessness will be never ending. Well, you are right, it does pass. It always has. Not as quickly as I would like it to sometimes but it does go away. I can't live in fear that it will come back either. If I do that, then I'm just either in the dumps or waiting anxiously for the next bad wave to hit. That's no way to live. I'm going to take you up on your suggestion and when I feel the funk start to hit, I'm going to hop on my bike, rain or shine, and take a ride breathing in the fresh sea air and being grateful for all that I have which is SO much, so much to be thankful for. I need to remain in a state of gratitude and drag myself out of this self-pity party. I sink so easily into it....I'm tired of living in fear and misery. I want out of it and I CAN think and believe my way out of it, to an extent. I'm so used to taking a pill to change the way I feel....it is a HARD habit to break. When I'm sad, I want a happy pill, when I hurt, I want a pill to take the pain away, when I'm mad, I want a pill to calm me down, when I'm bored I want a pill to excite me! I am always wanting more, more, more! A friend of mine, who's also an addict, said to me the other day that we are "more whores", we always want more of whatever it is that makes us feel good. I wonder why that is. Maybe there is some kind of switch in our brain that just never lets us feel satisfied with what we have. I want to conciously change that and be thankful for what I have without always wanting more, more more. No "more whore" anymore! Thanks for your responses pals and hope you are both having good days. I'll be in touch and will be off letting the wind blow my hair and the fresh air bring new life into me! Love you both! Take good care.

KEW
 
It`s only me again sorry i may have seemed abit short with my last message don`t have a computer at home so i take myself down to my local library but you can only stay on the computers for a maximum of 2 hours and as you`ve probably realised once i start writing i get all caught up in the moment and forget about the time so i just managed to send that one yesterday (thursday) without loosing it altogether it was like what you see in a disaster movie i`d pressed the send button and the seconRAB kept counting down 4,3,2,1, message sent it was that close, i was like right on the edge of my seat.
Anyway back to what i was trying to finish yesterday it`s just a college like a step up from school and the step just before uni, had my enrollment day yesterday was dead nervous before i got there then i met a couple of people i knew Graeme and a lassie Teresa who i`ve not seen for a while it was really good bumping into Teresa, and Graeme. Oh and by the way the angels have been in my life for a while now i just chose not to see them.
Heard of the band Status Quo listening to their song ROCKING ALL OVER THE WORLD right now, Giddy up Giddy up get away, we`re going crazy and we`re going today, here we go, ROCKING ALL OVER THE WORLD. Also a group called FLEETWOOD MAC and their song DON`T STOP listen to the worRAB carefully i`ve heard this song soo many times but only really listened to it recently AMAZING.
Anyway my global friend i`ve still got a hold of your hand and hope you have a safe weekend.
Be Cool
 
Iain,
Thanks for the positive suggestions. I'm going to try those because it certainly can't hurt to add some positive stuff to my life right now. Even if it doesn't seem or feel good or happy, I just need to "act as if" and eventually it will come. It's exhausting but I need to do this, just to get out of the rut. Thanks again!

Karen
 
Hi ILB,
Wow, it seems like a hassle to have to go through all of that just to get your Subutex. I can understand in some ways why they need to keep it restricted but that seems a bit over the top. It really keeps you trapped. Especially if you have to go out of town, or to another state, what if you had a family emergency or something? Sometimes I think to myself that I deserve the hard, frustrating parts about recovery or opiate replacement or whatever because I've been such a "bad girl" then I think that is really sick thinking....we have a disease, not that we shouldn't take responsibility for our actions because we should, but I'm not being punished for being an addict, I just can't be trusted yet I guess because of my history. I know in my personal life it's taking a long time for trust to be built as I consistently broke the trust I had with close frienRAB and family when using so it's normal to think it will take time. I have to get out of this "bad" person mentality though. Sometimes I think because I have an addiction that I was given that struggle because I'm no good. I've always struggled with my self-esteem and at 44 and still strugggling, I often wonder if it will be with me my whole life? It's sad because I think I have lots of good qualities and can be a great and loyal friend, partner, mom, etc. but there is always this little voice that tells me negative things about myself that I need to work on. I really think that without getting rid of that voice in my head, I'll go back to using or develop some other addiction. I have to work on the positive self-talk. I go to a Friday night recovery group with other addicts and it's been very helpful and insightful for me. I think I need to stay in the group. I was thinking maybe this Friday would be my last time going but if I leave, I'll just be relying on the Subutex soley for my recovery and I don't think I can do it without a support group of some kind. I, too, am trying not to think about going off the Subs, but just recovery and trying to be the best I can be. Hope you have a great day and keep in touch! You're doing awesome and should be really proud of yourself!

KEW
 
I often wonder the same thing I've been on soboxne for about 4 months and was addicted to opiates for 3 yrs. I have slipped up alot a few times that the doctor didn't want to see me but he gave me another chance. And like you the cravings are miniumal now but I still think about it often. I always have been active and now I can't roll out of the bed without a piece of soboxne it's like I'm still depending on something to make it thru the day. So I'm like u will I ever be done fir good with everything

I have a question. I've been on Suboxone for 2 months now after a 2 year affair with Norco 10mg, 15-20 pills daily. I feel much better and the cravings have been minimal, but the psychological cravings are still very much there depending on the day and my frame of mind.
I've been struggling internally with everything I'm reading about suboxone vs. tapering vs. cold turkey vs. rehab, detox, AA/NA.....I've read to stay away from suboxone b/c it's an evil drug that just keeps you addicted and is so hard to get off of. I've also read it's a miracle drug and has saved people's lives. I've read that it's terrible to stay on it longer than a few weeks and that it's fine to be on it long term if that's what it takes.
For me, personally, it's the only way I could have gotten off of the hydro. I was too scared. I had gone thru hydro and ativan withdrawls in rehab, I was in detox for 5 days with a minimal amt of Librium, and it was a nightmare. In fact, up to 3 months post-inpatient treatment, I was still waking up with mind-nurabing panic and terror and felt suicidal every day and was terrfied to take anything for fear of getting "addicted" to that and having to go through the whole ordeal again. Well, I did get over that with time and intensive out patient treament plus a change in medication: went from Prozac to Effexor and Ativan to Trazadone which became very effective for the dreaded morning anxiety/panic and was able to get off of the Trazadone easily.
Anyway, back to this time.....so I have a great psychiatrist who's also an addiction medicine specialist who told me about his suboxone program when I finally came clean. I was scared at first but felt it was my only option.
I've been grateful for having it and avoiding the pain and anxiety for the most part. It's allowed me to be at work and function relatively normally. One of the problems I'm having is sleep. I have trouble getting to sleep, jerk awake many times during the night, have intensely vivid dreams and feel like I can't get up in the mornings. Sometimes I've been very groggy and fallen asleep at work and frienRAB have even approached me and asked me if I'm "on something". Funny thing is, when I was on hydro, I was functioning well and nobody suspected anything, now I'm off of it and people are questioning if I'm on drugs! Well, I suppose I am but not the life threatening drug that was robbing me of everything.
This brings me back to the original question. Can I be in recovery or working a recovery program while taking suboxone. Is it really just substituting a pill for a pill? Is it helping to heal my brain? It's definitely doing something because I've cried so much in the last two months and I've FELT so much of the feelings I had blocked out with the hydro for so many years. Those uncomfortable feelings are so hard for me to handle. I know if I went off of the sub now, I'd run right back to my Norcos because I've not yet learned how to deal with my feelings which scare me so much!
I'm also feeling really alone in this....I've been to AA and NA and do not feel welcome once I say that i'm on suboxone. I'm told that I am still taking an opiate and can't be clean and sober or in recovery until I'm taking NOTHING...well, does that mean I have to go off my antidepressants and mood stabilizers for a condition that I was diagnosed with long before I ever even touched an opiate? I'm just not comfortable in that environment with feeling like I'm not in recovery because I'm on the suboxone. I can't do it alone and I know a pill is not enough for recovery but I'm having such a hard time finding a supportive, understanding, non-judgemental group. This internet group is really all I have and a few friend who know what's going on but who have never been through this mess....:dizzy:
I'm curious as to what some of you think as addicts, recovering addicts, suboxone users and supporters and those of you who think suboxone is a crutch and just prolongs an addiction or replaces one. I know that eventually, I need to decide what is right for me but I have so many questions, doubts, fears.....I feel so alone in this journey.....

thanks for listening,;)
kew[/QUOTE]
 
I have some of the same feelings that you do but for a different reason. I do have pretty severe chronic pain and MUST take narcotic pain medications in order to have some quality of life and to be able to work. However, I am a recovering drug addict so when I first started in NA, I would feel so guilty and like I was not really clean. However, I soon began to realize that I was treating a medical condition and that I was not taking these pain meRAB to get high or escape like I had done with the crack-cocaine.

I finally learned to accept the fact that I could count my clean time as being clean because I was not taking anything to get "high". And the controlled substances that I do take are for legitimate pain conditions. I believe that you are treating a legitimate addiction to narcotic pain medication and you are using Suboxone to do it. I would encourage you to start back in AA/NA but you don't have to disclose that you are on Suboxone to everyone. The only person that really would need to know would be your sponsor. This is the person that I told about my pain medication usage and he was very understanding and got me to see that I could count the days I was free of the terrible drug crack as truly having clean time. You are doing a great thing by starting in recovery.

brian:wave:
 
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