Can I ask for your suggestions for improvements on this impromptu? c/c, as...

P

Peter

New member
...they say in Paris? ‘A Vision’
by Peter (maybe Satan)

A breath of air, then it was gone,
Its little case of flesh and bone
Becoming one with sod and lawn
And I, a spirit, walked alone

Inhaling in the place I stood
A breath of air, then it was gone,
And I, from bonds of brotherhood,
To distant lands of light was drawn,

A solitary, naked pawn
Moved by a wise but unseen hand;
A breath of air, then it was gone,
And then before me, bright and grand,

At last, the One of Mist and Smoke
More peaceful than an Eden dawn
Enveloped me, and I awoke;
A breath of air, then it was gone.
 
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