Can a cheater complain when he gets cheated on?

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sweet_steph27

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When a man, who has walked out on his first wife and two young daughters for another woman - also married - gets 'done the dirty' on - does he have any right to complain?
You see - this man is my partner, he did the above. Then the second relationship broke down because she cheated on him - and he couldn't stand it.
I was with my partner for two years - and he treated me very very badly. He would shout at me, tell me what to do, make me lie down in the car incase people saw me at the risk of offending people, who cancelled an abroad holiday we had booked 2 days before we were due to go, he went abroad not even mentioning it to me! He never let me know he cared about me, we didn't live together, it had got to the stage where we only spoke every few days and he would tell me to "find somebody else to look after you"
Now, I must add, we did have short breaks together and I loved them, I loved him, we had great fun together when I saw him, and a general laugh. It was unconditional. Sometimes. Which wasn;t enough for me.
So - I did. I started seeing another man just casually and decided I wanted to give the relationship a shot.
So - I told my partner I was seeing somebody else and wanted to call it a draw with him.
He was devestated - crying, wailing, he loved me, breaking his heart - all genuinly I might add.
Now, after that pain has subsided, he tells me he was a committed partner, I just didn't have the patience to wait for him and do the relationship thing properley on his timescale! He tells me I am a slut, a slag, a nasty piece of work etc etc, he has shoved me around, involved police - the lot. He's been aggressive.
He says although he never had a lot of time for me and I got a 'sh*t deal' from him - his door was never locked to me and I knew he was a wonderful partner at heart,
All I want to do is bloody scream!!!!
Now people - from what you have heard - baring in mind he can be a wonderful and loving, affectionate, generous, kind and funny man (he;s definately not all bad - he is great) wwho sees who's point of view most? Grrrr!!!
 
this guy just wants to control you. By you telling him you found someone else his territory was threatened. just dump him!
 
The ONLY thing you should be worrying about is why you set such incredibly LOW standards. This guy sounds awful, no one could "love him" as you've just described. Stop marinating in this nonsense and go have your life. Playing the victim is a waste of time. Be the hero of your own life.
 
sure. people can do and react to stress anyway they want. rights have nothing to do with it.

your actions don't get rewarded or a free pass just because you have been exposed from the other angle. kind of makes you feel indifferent, but it might be worse on your part having understood previously how crappy you felt by it having been done to you.

you might have handled it on a higher level, and been a better person. instead, you chose the same path.
 
I'll tell you what!
Isn't he lucky you haven't knocked him upside his head and laughed him all the way down the road.
Yes, he has a charming, sweet and loving side. So what? He doesn't value it enough to develop it into the major drive of his personality. Further, he is like a teenage boy who has fits like a toddler.
For an adult, that's too self-centered to bother trying to develop a relationship with. He's unpredictable and undependable. Do we want mates or big children? (not to say we shouldn't honor the "child within", but that's another story)
If I hadn't been through this exact same thing, I wouldn't feel so strongly about this. My guy also became very sad, before getting 'round to calling me names AGAIN.
Best wishes.
(ps/I see you didn't cheat on him, merely began a friendship because he pushed you toward it, then saw it grow. By the way, congratulations, Mr. New must be a Nice Guy.
 
What goes around comes around.

At the end of the day... you gave this guy 2 years to decide what he wanted to do. He doesn't seem like hes worth all the hassle to be honest. Relationships are supposed to be more good than bad or there is just no point.
 
GOD give you a way out,when he give you another relationship.You chose to go back to someone whom don't love you.How wonderful is someone who is up one day and down the next.When you're get through with this roller coaster ride you're going to be emotionally drained.Your going to mess up your next relationship ,because of this no good one.Take care of yourself LOVE yourself enough to put a stop to the madness.
 
Can a person that has been cheated on complain? You have to understand that two wrongs don't make anyone right and pain is pain. You should not wrongfully cheat on a person in return for the evil they did to you it is just not right. If things are that bad you should walk away. No one should be treated with disrespect and adultery and cheating cannot be justified period.
 
I don't think it matters who sees his point of view (which I doubt many people will). I think the real issue here is that he is obviously not right for you... not to mention psychotic, a control freak, and verbally abusive. His behavior towards you is just a method to make you feel worthless and more dependent on him. You need to end this relationship if you ever want to be happy again. I understand that you love him, but he doesn't love you... not in the way that a loving partner should. Love and respect go hand in hand, and his behavior shows that he not only doesn't respect you, but that he wants you to lose your self respect as well. Please read your own question, and then ask yourself this: Is this the kind of man that you want to be with? If your best friend or sister were in this situation, what kind of advice would you give to her?

I sincerely hope that things work out for you... Just please don't get the false illusion of thinking that it will work out with him. He is not worth it. You on the other hand are.

Best wishes!
 
Head games. Declare an open marriage or declare it quits or decide to put it in the past.

There is no "draw", only a never ending game of one-upsmanship.
 
Nope, sucks to be them huh? Although.....two wrongs don't ever make a right. Just get out of the relationship, why stoop to that level of being the same person they are?
 
I am trying to get this straight....I dont know if you were the first girl or the second. and if you broke up with your partner why are you still with him??....i don't care how good he is to you when you two are alone...but if he really loved you, he wouldn't be ashamed and embarassed of you... in a car? were you fooling around in a car?

To me it seemed like you are not his woman, rather a woman of convienience. He was pissed that you cheated on him because he did that to whoever....

if he cheated on you...why are you still with him. and if he cheated with you....you knew what you were getting yourself into, and i dont feel sorry for you.

unfourtuantly you have low self esteem and can't get yourself out of a rut. you created this drama and got yourself a loser.

If you had to cheat and enjoyed your breaks apart all the time, and he wasn't enough... then you should listen to your instincts and leave....

Just because someone can be wonderful at times, doesn't mean he is wonderful for you. you are too comfortable....move on.
 
One of the things I've found in men is that they absolutely don't like it when the tables are turned. My husband has a friend who found himself in that exact situation. He cheated on his wife for over a year, but she never found out. She cheated on him once with a friend of one of my friends, while drunk at a party I threw and my husband told on her. Rather than him concluding, "I got out on her, she got out on me, call it even", he came to the conclusion "I know I did her dirty but she didn't have to do that to me." He confronted her about what she did but failed to mention he did anything. It was only when I threatened to tell her that he told her. Believe it or not, they patched things up and moved on. But, he absolutely did not like it when she only did once, what he was doing over and over again.
 
well, two wrongs don't make a right. He has the right to complain, because someone has done him wrong, but it is a bit hypocrytical. Sorry to throw in another cliche here, but I do have to say what goes around comes around. He better watch his karma.
 
In answer to your original question (Can a cheater complain when he gets cheated on?) let me just put it this way. I used to watch the program called CHEATERS and the one remarkable trait of these turds when confronted, male or female, was their audacity to turn everything around by becoming the victim as soon as they were confronted. Often they would start crying, "How could you do this to us?" or "Why did you have to bring all these cameras into our stuff for the whole world to see?" And of course the all time classic, "If you had been doing your job and taking care of my needs I would have never been forced into this sort of thing." The power of denial was as amazing as it was absurd.

But you know, this is the world we are living in now and everything is in the fast tract including "relationships." The norm is to being sexing it up, if not on the first "date," at least by the second or third one. And then if you like the sex you start living together. Interesting. My parents were married for 58 years before Dad passed away and I recall him saying that he never even stole his first kiss from Mom until at least six months into the courtship.

Oh well, easy come easy go as they say. Nowadays a new relationship is just a text message away. And that of course, is while you are driving.
 
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