By a teen author- what do ya think?

T

Tams

New member
Hi,
I think this is really good. I think it's a brave topic to write about because (as you say) so many people don't say anything, so well done :)
I would suggest choosing for the stanzas to either be 2 couplets OR 3 couplets. Having a mixture doesn't feel quite right...
Also, it might be worth trying to re-word some sentences so that each couplet has the same number of syllables per line.
The poem may have more rhythm if each stanza (or the whole thing) has the same number of syllables per line.... I.e. the first stanza having couplets of 13 syllables, the second of 15 syllables and the third of 11 syllables; or all the stanzas being (say) 13 syllables :)
Anyway, hope this helps, I know it's more about the organisation than the content, but as I said, in terms of content, I really like it already.
 
Heres the poem it is layed out a little weird but let me know...

Everyone has a heart no matter what people say,
You may have fought and are no longer friends but life runs this way
You say hurtful things even if you didn’t intend,
So what if you no longer want to be friends
Everyone has a heart

You might have been mean physically or with words,
Just think what you do or say no matter what has occurred
What about the child you have called a geek?
Everyone has feelings and this you must seek
Putting people down might make you feel “cool”
But in the end it is G-d who will rule
Everyone has a heart

You might want to start a nasty rumer to get into a crowd,
It doesn’t matter if you spread things quiet or loud
You might just listen to the crap people talk
But do you even try to make them stop?
Everyone has a heart

You might roll your eyes at a thing they have said,
You may not have noticed their face turned beat red
You think well I didn’t start any of this,
But just listening is wrong so speak up, use your lips
Everyone has a heart

Think back did you say or do something wrong?
Go back and fix it, why did you wait so long?
Please take this advise and don’t roll your eyes,
Trust me your guiltiness will just rise
No matter whom they are, where they live,
Say you are sorry, and pass on this advise I give
Everyone has a heart
 
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