BW phails his first job interview.

L

~L.O.V.E~

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Since I've finally decided that I really need money, I tried to get a job today at my local Six Flags theme park. Plenty of people I know work there, and most of those people are complete assholes(some with criminal records) who still got hired. I figured this would be a walk in the park for an affable young man like myself.

Wrong.

I got a phone call in response to the online application I'd sent in last week. The guy who answered was fat. Really fat. He sounded fat, like even speaking to someone was an arduous task for his bulbous paunch of a body. Anyway, the guy gives me his name, tells me he's calling in response to my application, and sets me up an appointment. Great. I was on my way.

Today, I went in for the interview. I was thirty minutes early. I waited patiently for the guy to meet me. I was feeling good, and looking good in my spiffy new duds. Dress to impress, baby. :D
Eventually, the guy shows up, sweating profusely, thundering through the door in an obscenely colored Hawaiian shirt. He gives me an absolutely fucking pathetic handshake, and I knew right then that Thundertits and me were not gonna get along.
I start filling out some papers. My dense new acquaintance makes no mention of the position for which I am being hired.
Mistake #1: I didn't fucking ask.
But the irony of that mistake alone makes it all worth it. He asks me to sign something titled "Food Service Agreement". DING. Dealbreaker. Foods is the ONLY thing I will NOT do in this park. I've heard stories, man. No fucking way.

I tell the guy this. I am completely willing to do virtually anything other than Foods. Thundertits claims that he informed me on the phone that he was, in fact, Head of the Foods Department. I am hardly able to contain my laughter at the beautiful irony of this revelation, but I keep my composure and calmly explain to him, in a completely rational manner, that he hadn't said anything of the sort on the phone. If he had, I would have immediately refused. The eatbeast before me took this as a threat to his integrity, so he pounded his wobbly chest in verbal defense. Again, I rebuke politely. Thundertits, sensing a battle of wits fast approaching, scooped up his papers in a huff and crammed them quickly into his Trapper-Keeper.

I ask him if there is anyone else I can speak with to discuss other open positions. Mr. Michelin responds, "Yes, but I won't be hiring you." then retreats to the back room as fast as his sequoia-sized thighs will allow. I ask him a few more questions, which he answers while repeatedly assuring me that he "won't be hiring" me. This does not bother me in the slightest.

I left that office with a newfound disgust for bureaucracy, and an even deeper disgust for the self-loathing sack of calories I was forced to interact with.

May the diabeetus strike you down, Thundertits.
 
I have to ask. What was the job description on the online application that you filled out? Sometimes they candy coat the living shit out of job descriptions, which in turn ends up being a complete waste of your time. I can sympathize man!

That's pretty fucking ridiculous that he didn't even tell you on the phone. He was probably just pissed off because he realized that HE fucked up....not you.

I hate job interviews. I hate the whole process. Wait until you actually have a resume and start interviewing for real jobs.
 
That sucks man. The last job interview I had I learned my lesson. Lesson meaning don't be brutally honest with them. Tell them what they want to hear. If you don't get the job, shoot a frozen turd out of potato gun into their building.
 
I was nice. I was very fucking nice.
It was a departure from the norm, let me tell you.

I didn't tell the guy he looked like the result of Chernobyl exploding next to Rosie O' Donnell's ovaries. I didn't tell him he smelled like rotten oranges(he so fucking did, though). I didn't tell him that serving suggestions WERE NOT MERE SUGGESTIONS.

I was thinking all of those things, however.

I kissed his gratuitous ass. An ass that was large enough to have its own fucking time-zone. An ass dense enough to bend the fabric of space-time. Maybe the elevated levels of trans-fat in his brain gave him telepathy. I don't fucking know.
The worst part is, he set me up with another interview this saturday. He'll probably slander me up and down with the other supervisor I'm supposed to meet.

The Union Forever!
 
Well if that were the case, fuck it. If they don't want someone of your qualifications, they're obviously the fuck-up, not you. Their loss, not yours.
 
I know, I know...

The thing is, my career options are pretty limited around here. Its probably not a good idea to get my first job working for an Uber-Mega-Sooper Conglomerate theme park, but I don't have much of a choice because most other places in town won't hire someone my age. The park used to be a cool place, like a zoo, but with a better budget. They had all sorts of marine exhibits and shit like that, but then those AOL Time Warner motherfuckers bought it out and raped the place with a massive cartoon character enema. And rollercoasters. I like those, actually.

Whatever. If my next interview doesn't suck and I do land a spot at the park, I'll be happy. If I don't get it, then I'll ride the parental gravy train for another month(just until summer) and shoot for a part-time thing or even an apprenticeship once school is out.

Wish me luck. :happysad:
 
OK, I understand your distaste for working in foods departments. However, you are now red flagged by six flags.

Why?

Because you did not prove that you want to work.

Secondly, even if you did work in another department, chances are that you would have to work in foods eventually. Thats the way major places work. They move people around to fill open positions. Especially in foods, where they have a very high attrition rate.

Furthermore, your response should have been more along the lines of "I will work in foods if it gives me an opportunity to advance."

Most places will start you out at the shittiest job imaginable.

My ex started out as a dishwasher for a buffet. In a year he was second shift manager. My other ex started out in a construction company digging ditches making minimum wage. Now he is driving the haulers making near 20 bucks an hour, in less than six months.

I started out working for minimum wage on shit shifts at Dell. In less than a year I was one of the top ranked sales reps making 35 g's a year.

You have to prove your willingness to work BEFORE you get a good job.
 
I sincerely hope that you can work this out. Finding a decent job can be an exceedingly difficult task.

BTW: DG, is that before or after taxes? Cause if it's before then you are very close to the poverty line (25,000). Wait you have a family of 4 right?
 
WHAT!?

I spent two hours answering NINE FUCKING THOUSAND questions on their moronic online application form, approximately 5,500 of those 9,000 being various paraphrasings of "Hav u ever stoled anything frum hear lol?" and "Hav u evr gon 2 jail 4 drugs lol?". I have no criminal record whatsoever, putting me miles ahead of the majority of 16-year-old job seekers in this town in terms of desirability.

I AM willing to work, mmmkay? I wouldn't have taken up the obscene task of applying if I wasn't willing to work. I would just appreciate it if I was actually told precisely what I was being hired for, before they had me signing all the fucking papers. If this is common business practice, then my new ambition is to be a fucking wino.
 
Bracky darling, I've told you many times before. You're of age to work places other than slave world. why you even applied for the minimum wage crap job where you get to work outside all summer is beyond me.

For example: I work at Black Angus, yes it is a FOOD industry, but my position is simply seating people. I only have to deal with guests for a maximum of 2 minutes. And its not just a summer job.

Bracky dearest...you're terribly smart, you can get a better job than six flags...
 
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