brodiemojo
New member
Our dad passed 2 years ago. I mostly take care of mom who has mild/moderate Alzheimer's. I usually see her 3 times a week, take her out to the stores, do groceries,lunch, handle all her medications and doctor visits. My brother handles some outside chores as needed, runs errands and set up her online banking. When he initially set it up I said I wanted access as well. Over time I have asked, but was given excuses about my computer safety not being as good as his (my husband is a computer specialist) etc.
A wedding and back surgery distracted me until this week when I emailed him and directly asked for the info again. After two more attempts, he called today and said he wasn't going to give me access. Being the only two children, I told him we both have equal rights to mom's info to ensure her well-being and security. We both have Power of Attorney. I have no wish to interfere with him reconciling her statements, etc, but do want to be aware of her financial info--just as I make him aware of her medical, social and emotional issues. He was adamant that it's his job and I have no need to access it directly. We both accused each other of mistrust. I have never been as close to my brother as I wished and I fear this will put a huge wedge between us. He is involving my mom, who has limited short term memory and confusing her. I don't want to upset her with this. My dad wanted both of us to be executors of their wills. I conceded to my brother since he was the oldest. Now I worry. If he is doing this while mom is alive and well -what will he be like when she passes, hopefully a long-time away? How can I handle this without tearing us apart?
I can not believe he is stealing--maybe he has enjoyed a few dinners on her--but mostly I think he wants ultimate control. Thing is, he is fairly rich. Me? Not so much.
A wedding and back surgery distracted me until this week when I emailed him and directly asked for the info again. After two more attempts, he called today and said he wasn't going to give me access. Being the only two children, I told him we both have equal rights to mom's info to ensure her well-being and security. We both have Power of Attorney. I have no wish to interfere with him reconciling her statements, etc, but do want to be aware of her financial info--just as I make him aware of her medical, social and emotional issues. He was adamant that it's his job and I have no need to access it directly. We both accused each other of mistrust. I have never been as close to my brother as I wished and I fear this will put a huge wedge between us. He is involving my mom, who has limited short term memory and confusing her. I don't want to upset her with this. My dad wanted both of us to be executors of their wills. I conceded to my brother since he was the oldest. Now I worry. If he is doing this while mom is alive and well -what will he be like when she passes, hopefully a long-time away? How can I handle this without tearing us apart?
I can not believe he is stealing--maybe he has enjoyed a few dinners on her--but mostly I think he wants ultimate control. Thing is, he is fairly rich. Me? Not so much.