Mike Smith
New member
...having a desire for that also? I'm 22. I started out fairly normal. Well, I was always kind of an outcast in school, but I had a couple friends and my condition was relatively good. Then, at 18 when I graduated, everything started to go downhill. I barely left my house (living with my mom and borther, my parents are divorced, dad lives in canada, never calls) and I started develpoing social anxiety. I could not for the life of me bring myself to make contant with strangers not even on the phone. I also started having panic attacks that were tortorous as hell until I got pills for that. I tried many pills for depression, too, but none seem to help. There was a phase of about six months were I was cutting myself routinley because it was the only thing that made me feel alive. I then got tired of that and started smoking for about a year when I got tired of that also. I was 99% of the time in my house infront of the computer, going to sleep at morning and waking up at noon. That was pretty much my day routine for the past 4 years. Until very recently I didn't have deisre for anything EXCEPT things that interest me, like tv shows, movies, gaming and music. But very recently this all changed. I now can't find joy in ANYTHING. Before I had no desire for things that didn't interest me and now I've no desires for for anything including things that interest me. I'm going day by day like ghost. I even wanted to start cutting myself again but I couldn't bring myself to do it as I've lost desired in everything. I'm thinking about killing myself all the time but can't bring myself to it as I've no desire to do anything including that. I'm bored out of my mind and nothing I seem to do makes any difference. I pretty sure I have anhedonia although I can't be certain. Sure seems that way though. Don't really know how you guys can help me but I just wanted to let it off my chest. I'm living in a limbo of nothingness. Life is meangless to me and nothing sparkles my faintest of interest. Wish I had desire to kill myself, but I don't.