Big News (to me anyway!)

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Secrets1983

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Hello frienRAB :wave:

So, I will try to sum this up so it's not one of my novels..... I am SOOOO proud of myself #1. Here is why.

I received a phone call from a dear friend who is also a recovering addict and we must have talked for at least a good 30 minutes if not longer.. I don't know.. The time flew because this is the only person on this planet that I have spoken to about my addiction and IT FELT GREAT!!!!!! Plus, we were so much alike that every story we told.... The other had been there done that. What a blessing. So I get off the phone with my friend and go into the house to spend some time with the hubby. He knew I was speaking to this friend and was completely okay with it. However, he was VERY inquisitive with me about what we discussed. So I told him that we discussed addiction issues. I told him that to be honest he may have known I had a hard time weaning off my meRAB physically but there was a lot more to it than that and I am sorry I had not shared it until now with him. I told him I was ashamed that I have gotten cravings and still do..... I will admit I down played it a little bit because to be honest... SO DID HE. He took it in stride and just said that pain medication can do many things to a person's body and mind and it made sense to him that I have struggled here or there. He said he had complete faith in me that I am a strong woman and can handle anything. It was pretty much left at that but it felt SOOOOOOOOO good to be honest! SOOOOOOO GOOD.

There is one person in particular that I can thank for this and you know who you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! You are an angel and without your help.. I would have NEVER told him anything. I also want to thank the rest of you for your support and understanding when I was not strong enough to do so. Now, I am not saying that I made it a big enough deal that I can now openly go to meetings because I didn't make it sound that bad... I just thought it was good that he knew I struggled with cravings and that I still am dealing with some aspects of that.

Now.... I know I could have said more than I did. He knows I come to this site and he knows about all of you. He thinks it great that I come here for support and also try to give back because the amount of help I have gotten here... I only feel it's right and it fulfills me to try to help others.

I guess I am shocked by the low keyness of it all... Leave it to him.. He is so laid back. I knew I could trust him with this.... My only regret is that I was a little more forthcoming... It's a BIG STEP though for me so I am proud for it. I even told him I deal with cravings now!!! He was supportive but didn't speak much about that.. I think it was a lot for him to take in.... He was loving and didn't make me feel anything negative.

What a guy! No wonder I am still madly in love with this man!

So......... After months and months of me keeping such a SECRET... I am slowly but surley breaking the wall down....... I had to share it will you all...

Hope you are all doing great wherever you may be.
XOXOXOXOX
 
Secrets,
Wow you sound really happy. I think sharing openly and honestly is the most powerful tool we have to heal from the pain of addiction. When you hear that someone cares even after we tell them are dark
 
Secrets,
That is GREAT news. I don't know you very well, I'm kind of new, back after about two years.
The fact that you even talked to your hubby about cravings and the call with your friend is a big step. While I was reading your post I started thinking that as addicts and loved ones of addicts, we don't talk about anything. Everything is a secret, almost like if it is not expressed aloud, no need to address it.
You are in recovery, no longer hiding yourself behind your doc. Your husband sounRAB like someone who has a lot of faith in you as well as loves you very much. I think small steps, don't feel bad that you did not disclose everything. Take this moment and pat yourself on the back, give yourself a big dose of credit. The rest will come in time.
I always like to hear good news like this. Keep it up and I'll try to keep posting.
 
Oh - That is so cool that you told him and that he totally accepted and understood it. That is really good news.
 
Secrets,

I have moved your "cookies" question to the Registration Problems Board.
 
Thank you guys!

It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and it made me feel free of this overwhelminly scary secrets. I was and am so proud of myself for finally finding the strenght to do it!

I know it took a while but it's been late than never in my book. My hubby is my rock and my love and I know that I should be so thankful for him and I am.

On another GREAT note... HE STARTED HIS JOB TODAY!!!! So... things seem to be falling into place now for us... (knock on wood)

Life ROCKS! I LOVE IT.

Thanks for the support!
 
Secrets,

I am so proud of you! You were always reluctant to open that can of worms, but you did it and you should be very proud of this accomplishment!

Recovery is one of the hardest things to endure, and with it comes alot of reluctance and unsurity, however you are doing such a wonderful job and I hope you learn from this experience...everything happens for a reason :)

Have a wonderful day, my friend. It only gets better from here :)

Love emsmom
 
Hello!

Captnanny, thank you so very much! It swear I thought it was going to be way harder but it helped that I was speaking to that friend and he asked what we all chatted about and it gave me the perfect time to be able to open up! I knew at some point I would "know" when the time came and I felt it and went for it. I was so scared but it was way easier than I thought. He does have a lot of faith in me and a lot of trust in me. I figure small steps are better than no steps at all.

Emsmom, Thank you so much honey! You and I have talked about this many times on the board and finally I broke the ice. Everything you said to me on the board over time started to sink in. Then to speak to that friend of mine just gave me the extra courage and strength to do so. That person has no idea how they have changed my life for the better. I hope you are feeling good and enjoying the springtime!

You guys are the greatest!
XOXOXOXO
 
good for you well mabey you should change your screen name, i am so happy for you now get your butt to a meeting ,ha ha ha :wave::):pscottjust remeraber this board ,is 1 thing ,going to meetings is a bit different , it could send your life in a whole new direction , an hopefuly he will continue to support you ,evan when you need to be at a meeting, an not with him , mabey he will look into support for himself,now theres an idea:wave:
 
Such wonderful news :) I hope all goes well on his first day. Everything is falling into place? Recovery is funny like that... :)

Have a great night,
Love emsmom
 
i secrets,
i know how hard it is to see your loved one in pain, the love you are giving him is helping him on a cellular level. human contact lowers are experience of physcal pain. i bet he loves you so much! i have seem people heal from major chronic back problems, even those who are told "there is nothing we can do" dont give up doll!
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Thanks Emsmom! You are right.... Recovery is funny that way. It's like if you do something "good" something good comes back to you in return!

My husband has had a really bad back for years and they know what the problem is but they do not have a surgery to date yet that can fix what he has wrong. He came home after his first day of work and could barely move. He showered and went straight to bed which IS SO NOT LIKE HIM. He moaned and groaned all night. I felt so bad for him. I rolled him over and rubbed some icey hot all over his back to try and help. Than yesterday he went back to work and came home just as miserable but was actually starting to vomit from the pain. I felt so helpless. He seems to think that he can push thru this and get his muscles loose again and be able to handle it (he used to be a foreman of a paving company) (His new job is working with a paving company)but I am so afraid he is going to cause more damage..... I commend him for having the strength to do anything to provide for me and our future family. He has just as much baby fever I do so I can see that also drives him. It's so precious to me.

Today I am doing good!!!!!! I am happy (besides worrying about hubby) I have been productive already at work. Everyday it seems I feel a little better. I hope it lasts. I pray it lasts. I am sure I will have bad days but I am trying not to worry about them until they happen.

I want to check NA online and if I get some time between my work, catching up with my frienRAB on here... Then I will.



Well, I guess i had lots to say. You have all GOT to be used to it by now though. I just appreciate those of you who will actually read the whole thing. I am sure it will not surprise anyone on here to know in real life, I talk JUST as much if not WAY more!!! HAHAHHAHAHHA

May this post find you all at peace and with lots of happiness in your hearts!!! God's blessings to you all!
Much love,
 
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