Back home, and the outlook is bleaker still.

A

An Asteroid

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A couple months after I lost my "friends" midway through college, I thought I was lonely. What with my being thousands of kilometers away from everybody I'd grown up with, what with my being so far from Luke, I thought I was alone. Boy, was I wrong. At least there I had hope that Luke and I were still best buds, that we were inseparable! But no, time is one helluva bitch, and it passes apathetically.

I've been home for a month now, and I've only seen him three times. We don't chat on MSN anymore like we did in college. We barely talk on the phone anymore. I call him, but he's usually asleep by the time I get off work.

Emily, I don't even know her anymore. She didn't come back to Alaska for the summer. I post on her Facebook, but I'm generally ignored.

My dad is still a lunatic. I still can't open up to my mom. My stepdad is still a couch potato, and I've only twice seen my stepmom.

Hell, I'm crying right now and my stepdad's not even coming upstairs. I know he cares, but.

There are work buddies, but they're only at work.

There are old acquaintances, but I hardly know them either. It took just one visit to Hansol's to see that we have nothing in common anymore. It was nice visiting Caitlin and Kristen, but that can't become a regular thing.

I'm so alone. When I'm not working, I'm alone in a dim room--no joke! Right now, alone in a dim room. The only light here is from the TV downstairs, an open window, and my computer.

And Rachel? My girlfriend? I still can't dump her. I can't. I can't. I feel that if I did that, I'd cease to be.

There's nobody here. There's nothing. I work to pay for college. I play games alone. I try to contact old friends, but they've all moved on. I'm so lonely.
 
Yes, I could be a 9 year old in Africa who's suffering from AIDS because my HIV positive father raped me starting from 3. I could never have tasted anything better than scavenged airdrops since my miserable birthing. I could be living from day to day, dying and without a roof. I could be dead right now. Your point? The fuck did you expect to achieve with that post? To make me feel better? To assure me that others have it worse? Why should I care? My situation is still pretty fucking shitty.

Go shit on somebody else's day.
 
Seriously though.

You've a job.

Food.

Shelter.

Love.

People've been there.

Made choices and are at the top of the world.

You'll get through it.

If not, then, you'd probably be dead.
 
Masq don't let Sofa throw ya. Yes things could be worse, but that does suck. I've been there. You have to get out and meet people, and show up places, and do things, to get "real" friends. It's work and stuff. So if you put in the effort I think you could have a couple friends man.
 
In before close, if you close...

Dude I just want to tell you, I can't put myself in your shoes. But I think I know what it's like!

My best friends are all dudes I live hundreds of miles away from. We were BF(F?)s in High School and none of them are friends with each other any more. Sometimes I feel like I'm grasping at friendship straws. I don't really go out much or anything... fuck it, I don't need to explain to you. What I'm saying, is...

As hard as it is to be where you are right now, and as hard as it is to feel like there's anything positive ahead (or even anything positive here and now...) you can't change it with a snap of your fingers, or a wish. So maybe try to do something that will kill multiple birds with a singular stone.

If you're in any sort of city setting, where people you may fit in with (age, chillness, etc) gather for any sort of interest... You have nothing but free time right now, so find an interest you can at least get into for a little while, and barge your way into their group!

My most obvious example is an aquarium club. Or a tea-lover's society, or a bicycle club. Or a goddamn snowshoe enthusiast meetup, whatever happens up there in Alaska.

I don't know you, but I know the feeling of being so alone that you want to cry out to anyone. But you are too proud and strong to cry out publicly, and denigrate yourself to that degree. So gain a position of strength, it's simpler than it sounds. It could be as easy as buying booze and inviting sub-21 year olds to hang out. That's a manipulative and skeevy example, but run with it.

TTYL! ILY LOL FTW.
 
Oh.

After reading the other responses.

I've come to realize that some people here deem the need to be able to reach out to people of the same age group important.

I'm greatly and sincerely sorry for not being able to see the problem with being left alone for awhile and therefore incapable of providing a more approvable response.

But, hey!

It could be worse.
 
I can totally relate; I'm home for the summer now and I have like one friend left from highschool who I'd see regularly. I got a few other friends who live around here that I'd still hang out with, but yeah.

Also, at the girlfriend bit, just do it. Don't hang on to someone just for the sake of having someone to hang on to. It's unhealthy.
 
We sometimes out grow the people in our lives or we just grow in different ways. It doesn't mean that they still don't care for you and wouldn't be there if you truly needed them. It just means you have different paths now. It's hard to go from having certain people in your life on a regular basis then be reduced down to hardly nothing. You have to remember though... you aren't the only one at a loss or dealing with one. You left and they had to deal with the same emotions "alone". We all do at some point, I think.

Yes, it could be worse. I think that's a given in any situation.

Also, you may have changed to the people that know you as well and they just don't know how to take you either. Remember that growing thing I mentioned? I'm sure you have changed in that time as well.

When your blues wear off, get off your hiney and make some plans to try to reconnect with your friends or get out and see about making new ones.
 
Why are you clinging so strongly to the past, Grasshopper? Let go and move forward.

It doesn't seem like you've spent much time alone in your life or you probably wouldn't be flipping out. This seems like a good time to get to know yourself.

One can't really be a very good friend/significant other if they don't even know who they are. Nosce te ipsum.

Stop with the 'all my friends have changed it's all their fault' pity party and move forward.


Also, Sofa was simply trying to show you that your glass is half full and not, as you seem to think, full of sand.


In closing; Relax and enjoy your summer, Masq. You're the only one making yourself miserable.
 
People grow up, make new friends, and move on, especially at a younger age. I'll tellya what's a bit more depressing....growing up in St. Louis, me and all my friends shot dope, stole cars, and burglarized homes....complete wastes of life, and oxygen. Finally I had enough, realized that if the dope didnt kill me, someone who I had fucked over, or was going to fuck over would. I packed what little possessions I had in my 76 Lemans, and moved to I-dee-ho where my parents lived to try and straighten my ass up. After a bit of time, it worked. Went back to St. Louis some 5 years later, hoping that my friends too, had done the same. Nope, same old shit...I didnt even want to be around them....and was glad to get back home to I-dee-ho to be with my new friends, who were responsible young adults.

Move on Masqurade...get your ass out of the dim lit room and make new friends...you've obviously made friends before so it shouldnt be too hard, eh?
 
Listen to 7. He is wise beyond his years.

Best thing you can do is learn to be alone. It will help you a lot in future relationships.
 
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