I was wondering if this was to deep for the beginning of a novel that I'm writing. The whole thing about being blessed with what you have is NOT part of the main theme of the story, but it does have a very small role. Is it to early to start out with this small scene? Is the scene to deep to begin a novel with?
Please! No comments on grammar or detail use. It has yet to be edited and any mistakes and criticism about the writing itself will come later. I would just like to know if it is a good scene to begin with or something that should come later.
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Worn brown shoes tapped against the wooden floorboards of the kitchen as the radio in the next room played. The crash of pots and pans provided a nice background instrument. Laura leaned over the kitchen counter, nibbling on a carrot while studying a Macy's catalog, her head bobbed with the same beat as her foot, following the music's tune. Every now and then she felt Deja's eyes glancing in her direction, signaling that Laura's procrastination was taking far to long. Finally giving in to the older woman's quiet demand for Laura to get back to work, she rolled her eyes and closed the magazine, forgetting the beautifully dressed woman she envied.
Forgetting the magazine, and allowing the music in the next room to become background noise, she picked up the cutting knife and continued with her original task of chopping vegetables.
“It don't do you any good”. Deja's voice rang from the stove as she stirred one of the boiling pots. Laura paused her work and glanced toward her direction.
“What doesn't?” Deja rolled her eyes and nodded toward the abandoned catalog laying on the counter, black hair falling from the messy bun at the back of her head. “Lookin at all them fancy clothes that you know you can't afford.”
“It doesn't do much harm. It's nice to admire.”
“Oh don't go actin like you don't have that pang of jealousy. I see it every time I sit here watchin you look through them things.”
“Everyone wants something more then what they have Miss Deja and I...”
“You are betta off without them catalogs layin around here.”
Laura smirked to herself, deciding that it was better to drop her arguments and continue with her work.
“Just cause everyone wantin somthin more don't mean it's healthy! Readin them magazine's makes ya see what ya don't have. And then you forget how blessed ya are for the things ya do have!”
At this point Laura set the knife down, forgetting about her chore for the time being. Green eyes lifted to meet Deja's brown eyes as an eye brow lifted in a questioning gesture.
“Don't tell me you've never felt jealousy or envy towards another person Miss Deja. And I highly doubt you've never forgotten your blessings as well.”
A smirk slowly crept over Deja's lips as she held Laura's gaze. “I never said I was perfect Miss Laura.”
Thank you KK. I'm sure your writing is just so splendid. And I'm sure you have earned the honor of being able to criticizes others. I am sure you are just absolutely perfect and have no room for improvement yourself. And that is exactly why you're waisting time on Yahoo Answers to criticize. Yes I'm sure that's it exactly.
Anyways, to clarify, it is unedited because I have not reached that point yet. So excuse me for not following the "Rules Of Writing A Story The Right Way". I'm no worried about the editing and the grammar right now. I was simply wondering if it is a decent beginning.
Well congratulations on your accomplishments. I'm sorry I made the personal decision to do what I wish with my story. But tell you what, if I ever get a hold of one of YOUR unedited rough drafts of YOUR stories...and I post it for the public to see your mistakes...then maybe you can whine about it as much as you want to without sounding like a conceited little brat
K?
Okay, I agree with you on how people come on here wanting constructive criticism and cry about how they get bad reviews, but you're completely missing what I was asking.
Maybe I worded it wrong. Maybe I should have said that I acknowledge the mistakes of grammar and small mistakes with wording. However, I did say that it was not what I was asking about. I was asking if that small section was a decent start, or if it is something that I should put in someplace else other then the beginning. Big deal if I choose to put it out there without being edited. Big deal if I did something that you as a writer would not do. Get over yourself.
I don't know what you think I'm doing on the other side of this computer, I'm simply telling you that I was not asking for criticism on my grammar. You're the one ranting about how someone doesn't meet your standards, and you're the one who seems to be on the defense. I personally don't care one way or the other what you think. If I did, I'd delete this question VERY quickly for fear of anyone else reading my oh so terrible writing. I was asking for an opinion on something entirely different then what you were trying to answer.
I'm sure you know a sizable number of professional writers. However, just because they follow one set of rules, does not mean I'm going to. Why is it anyone's business? And for the record, you were not criticizing my writing. You were criticizing the actions that I choose to do with MY writing. If you wrote "It's terrible. The writing is boring, it lacks a point" and so on...I would have taken that into consideration. Instead you came on here acting as if I
sinned just by showing my work in public.
For the record, I am not a professional writer and I never will be. It's something I do on the side. I know, it's hard to believe that there are people out there who do it just for the hell of it.
Please! No comments on grammar or detail use. It has yet to be edited and any mistakes and criticism about the writing itself will come later. I would just like to know if it is a good scene to begin with or something that should come later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Worn brown shoes tapped against the wooden floorboards of the kitchen as the radio in the next room played. The crash of pots and pans provided a nice background instrument. Laura leaned over the kitchen counter, nibbling on a carrot while studying a Macy's catalog, her head bobbed with the same beat as her foot, following the music's tune. Every now and then she felt Deja's eyes glancing in her direction, signaling that Laura's procrastination was taking far to long. Finally giving in to the older woman's quiet demand for Laura to get back to work, she rolled her eyes and closed the magazine, forgetting the beautifully dressed woman she envied.
Forgetting the magazine, and allowing the music in the next room to become background noise, she picked up the cutting knife and continued with her original task of chopping vegetables.
“It don't do you any good”. Deja's voice rang from the stove as she stirred one of the boiling pots. Laura paused her work and glanced toward her direction.
“What doesn't?” Deja rolled her eyes and nodded toward the abandoned catalog laying on the counter, black hair falling from the messy bun at the back of her head. “Lookin at all them fancy clothes that you know you can't afford.”
“It doesn't do much harm. It's nice to admire.”
“Oh don't go actin like you don't have that pang of jealousy. I see it every time I sit here watchin you look through them things.”
“Everyone wants something more then what they have Miss Deja and I...”
“You are betta off without them catalogs layin around here.”
Laura smirked to herself, deciding that it was better to drop her arguments and continue with her work.
“Just cause everyone wantin somthin more don't mean it's healthy! Readin them magazine's makes ya see what ya don't have. And then you forget how blessed ya are for the things ya do have!”
At this point Laura set the knife down, forgetting about her chore for the time being. Green eyes lifted to meet Deja's brown eyes as an eye brow lifted in a questioning gesture.
“Don't tell me you've never felt jealousy or envy towards another person Miss Deja. And I highly doubt you've never forgotten your blessings as well.”
A smirk slowly crept over Deja's lips as she held Laura's gaze. “I never said I was perfect Miss Laura.”
Thank you KK. I'm sure your writing is just so splendid. And I'm sure you have earned the honor of being able to criticizes others. I am sure you are just absolutely perfect and have no room for improvement yourself. And that is exactly why you're waisting time on Yahoo Answers to criticize. Yes I'm sure that's it exactly.
Anyways, to clarify, it is unedited because I have not reached that point yet. So excuse me for not following the "Rules Of Writing A Story The Right Way". I'm no worried about the editing and the grammar right now. I was simply wondering if it is a decent beginning.
Well congratulations on your accomplishments. I'm sorry I made the personal decision to do what I wish with my story. But tell you what, if I ever get a hold of one of YOUR unedited rough drafts of YOUR stories...and I post it for the public to see your mistakes...then maybe you can whine about it as much as you want to without sounding like a conceited little brat
K?Okay, I agree with you on how people come on here wanting constructive criticism and cry about how they get bad reviews, but you're completely missing what I was asking.
Maybe I worded it wrong. Maybe I should have said that I acknowledge the mistakes of grammar and small mistakes with wording. However, I did say that it was not what I was asking about. I was asking if that small section was a decent start, or if it is something that I should put in someplace else other then the beginning. Big deal if I choose to put it out there without being edited. Big deal if I did something that you as a writer would not do. Get over yourself.
I don't know what you think I'm doing on the other side of this computer, I'm simply telling you that I was not asking for criticism on my grammar. You're the one ranting about how someone doesn't meet your standards, and you're the one who seems to be on the defense. I personally don't care one way or the other what you think. If I did, I'd delete this question VERY quickly for fear of anyone else reading my oh so terrible writing. I was asking for an opinion on something entirely different then what you were trying to answer.
I'm sure you know a sizable number of professional writers. However, just because they follow one set of rules, does not mean I'm going to. Why is it anyone's business? And for the record, you were not criticizing my writing. You were criticizing the actions that I choose to do with MY writing. If you wrote "It's terrible. The writing is boring, it lacks a point" and so on...I would have taken that into consideration. Instead you came on here acting as if I
sinned just by showing my work in public.
For the record, I am not a professional writer and I never will be. It's something I do on the side. I know, it's hard to believe that there are people out there who do it just for the hell of it.