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Hey Lugar:) Great looking out! I haven't heard from Mike since yesterday. I waited last night on and off till 2:00 am. I am worried about him! I wish secrets was here, I know she would have some kind and loving input! I hope we all are strong today, as for me my weening down isn't as good as it should be and that makes me sad and even more stressed out. I am a homemaker, my husband is a huge support system for me I am worried because I know Mike is alone at home, and depressed! What do you think CC? Shouldn't Mike have responded by now?
Crocheting
 
Hey Mike,

THANK YOU for checking in with me!!!!!!! I was so worried. I am sorry to hear about your bad day!!! I think there is something in the water because we all seem to be doing pretty crappy! However, at least we have each other right?

Please stay strong.. I am going to be worrying about you all weekend because I don't have computer access at home!! I will be thinking of you though and praying that you are okay and holding strong!!!

I hope your day gets better!!! I hope you can keep some food down!!!!

Sending you a warm hug!
XOXOX
 
Mike
, please don't give up. You are not being a whiner, reaching out is the smartest thing you could have done. I know that feeling of your mind racing and not being able to relax your mind for just a second. The lonely feelings, and feeling like there couldn't be anyone else out there feeling the same way. That's why these boarRAB are great, everyone will be your friend, support system, people just like you. The depression is the worst. Your not alone anymore, post on the boarRAB as many times as you need to everyone will be here for you. I just recently found these boarRAB, before that I really thought I was the only one with these struggles. I would like to see you find programs you can join where you live, you need to meet new frienRAB and do things outside the house. You just have to eventually, so you can get out of the house and be around people it will help take your mind off things a little bit. Any kind of excercise you can do, would help a lot. Are you eating right or at all? You must try it will keep your body and mind healthly. Sorry this is so long. Anytime you need to vent I will respond. Remeraber your not alone anymore, you have tons of new frienRAB here on the boarRAB. Mike don't let the depression win, I know your a strong person, you will make it through today and worry about tommrow, tommrow. Post as often as you need to, I read the boarRAB till late at night. I am lucky enough to be a homemaker, so I am always reading the posts. Great job today mike! We are here for you, I will keep you company all day and night, I have trouble sleeping and get up real early. Please post back and let us know how your doing asap. Never give up the fight. Your friend Crocheting:)
 
Thank you very much denon. I think I'll make through today w/o the lousy booze. Just came from the store where I would usually buy my booze. It felt good leaving the store w/ just food & not booze or a Vicodin script. The clerk looked at me like aren't you forgetting something ? Was pretty funny. I hope I didn't cause any heart problems for the clerk because of the shock ! Mike
 
Thanks again Secrets. I'm kind of lost. I would have thought by this age things would be different. This probably sounRAB stupid but one of the reasons I'm reluctant to go in rehab is that I'm not sure how I would move the furniture by myself w/ the nerve damage. In the old days this wouldn't be a problem as I was an avid weightlifter. Being around people would be nice though. I really miss my family & frienRAB but I know getting drunk wouldn't help. It's bizarre how addiction gets a hold of me. I've been through so many horrible WRAB & yet my brain is trying to talk me into another binge. I didn't think I was going to survive the last one my heart was beating so fast & the Neuropathy got worse. I can't feel most of my rt. hand. If I got drunk & died from it I wouldn't be found for days. With the support of you & the other nice people on this board hopefully I'll make it through another day. Much appreciated.
 
Heya Mike! How ya doin today? I hope the night wasnt too cold for you , especially with no heating. If its still not fixed then make use of layering clothes and try to eat something warming. Hot water bottles work a treat too if you can lay your hanRAB on one. Please dont get too cold cause its not good for someone in your situation - peeps with any eating disorder usually feel the cold more than average. I have been thinking bout you lots - I see crocheting has given some wicked advice. Way to go crocheting - u r awesome!! Anyways , Mike , have you given any more thought to what I said about looking at the types of food you're eating? I thought maybe soup would be quite good as its easy on the tummy but very good for you. As and when you feel able , you could start to bulk it out by adding pasta/chicken/potatos etc. Just an idea. Also, I myself was treated for both anorexia and bulimia all thru my teenager years into my mid-20s and a hospital I was in made us eat small and often. I found that helped too.
Im so chuffed you have stayed off the booze - any WRAB or have they ceased? Are the cravings any better? Have you managed to get out? Sorry to be borabarding you with all these qu's , but as I said, I've been thinking bout you lots! My day? Well , today so far is better than most this week. The sun is shining today (an occassion to be marked in England!) and its easier to be positive. I really want this to work out for all of us......I actually see the point of getting clean for the first time. I have no illusions of how hard it is and am scared witless of going into the unknown but cant carry on the same way.
Hope to hear from you today
love CC
 
I so appreciate everyone for taking the time to read & responding. I'm hanging on barely. The depression has a hold on me. I'm fighting a very strong urge to drink & get out of my head but I know so well the horrible consequences that will follow. Nighttime is the worst for me. The Bulimia is also beating me up. I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I'm just tired of being alone. With what I've already done to my body, I know my next drunk might be my last. I don't want to die because of booze like my brother did. My other brother died because of heroin. I just dread another day of this ever present battle in my head fighting these compulsions. I am thankful I didn't drink last night. I so hope I can make it again today. Thanks to all for the support. This is helping me hang on.
 
Keep it up Mike!!! We're all here cheering you on. It's hard to do and your mind will tell you all sorts of things different, but you just have to be stronger and force your way forward to make your life better.

Here's something to give you incentive... Look how much money you will save by not buying the liquor every day!!! In today's economic condition, the extra money may come in handy for nice things like food and gas!!
 
I agree with secrets to seek out an AA meeting and stay active with that. There will always be someone to talk to when you feel like you're lonely and they that can sympathize with your feelings. You have to make an effort to go out and meet people, even if you sit in a mall or a community center. Find something to take your mind off of feeling lonely and drinking. It's no different having an alcohol addiction and a drug addiction. You have to push yourself forward to make the change, because nobody else will do it for you. Even if you can't lift things or if your hanRAB are nurab, you can still find a job doing things where you don't have to do those things. Giving out information, volunteering in a hospital or someplace as a greeter and work your way up to getting a paid position. A little effort can go a long way.

I am a writer and I type all day long and the finger tips on my one hand hurt so bad at times I can't stand it because of nerve damage. To give you an idea how they feel (and I'm not being mean since you have nurabness) take your two fingers and slam them down fingertips first on a desk as hard as you can. Remeraber that pain? That's what I feel everyday when I type. I push myself through the pain to work my passion.

It's easy for anyone to feel sorry for yourself, but you just need to stop what you are doing to make you feel that way and find something else to do. Easy worRAB for a difficult situation, but you have to take the first step forward and the next step will be a little easier. We've all taken that first step and have kept on moving forward. Coming to this board is a great first step where people will listen to you and provide suggestions. It helped me!!
 
Hiya Mike..:wave:...have been catching up on your posts and want you to know that I understand all the questions and concerns you have going on right now. Its crazy , isnt it , that we ask the questions , know the correct response but still want to bury our heaRAB in a comforting fog rather than deal with the issue. I agree with secrets (good ole girl!) and think that the depression is something that should be addressed as its seems to be a trigger for your addictions. Rehab could be a good move though I get your concerns and know that youve been there before. If you chose that option then maybe you should try and attack it all from a different angle. I wish that Id done rehab years ago , but feel I cant go that route now cause of my 2 small boys. I couldnt bear to leave them , and would have to admit to my family that Im not really clean (they think its all in the past....to them Ive been clean 6 yrs now. If bloody only).
Back to you...........have you ever been to just an eating disorders clinic? Or is it possible to find somewhere that would deal with both?
How have you done today? Please let me know as its good for me too to know that you understand my struggles. Today have been up and down BUT no street drugs for 2 days. It was very up and down today and the poor people round me couldnt do or say anything to me at times. I am really worried bout tomorrow as its payday and I cant every remeraber a payday where I havent got high. I really am desperately trying to think of ways to talk myself out of it in the morning but sometimes I just feel lost.
Sorry mike , enough of me , post soon and keep struggling. I mean , keep going.
 
Morning Mike. How did it go for you last night? Ready to try day no 2 with me? Really hope you are OK today and realising that there are lots of peeps on here that will give you great advice and be here when you need them. Im real nervous myself bout today and trying to think of ways to keep busy/occuppied. Gotta go for now....keep me posted.
 
Mate ,Im with you. He didnt respond to me at all yesterday and Ive been looking out for him ALL DAY. Its so frustrating not knowing whats going on......crazy because I really care for all you lot,even though I dont really know you. Mind you, I guess you lot know me better than some of my nearest and dearest because Im honest on here.
Mike,please let us know whats going on. I dont care if u dont wanna talk to me I just would sleep better if I know ur being supported.
CC
 
CC, Please forgive my selfishness. I always want to talk to you. Having a rough day but hanging in there. I sure hope you're ok. Please stay in touch. I've been thinking of you & everyone else today. You help me not feel so alone. Please be strong CC. We're all in this together. I'll be here for you.
Love, Mike
 
Hiya Guys. Gosh, Ive missed talking to you lot. Mike , Im so bleedin proud of you darlin! I know things feel kinda hard , and the bulimia is a real struggle , but one thing at a time. No alcohol!! Yeah - hey mate....thats FANTASTIC!! Have you managed to get out and about a bit? Sometimes its good to go out and see people having a 'normal' life. ReminRAB me that it is possible and dont half look bad.I know from my own experience with depression that people are affected in their own way , but even if you can get out for some fresh air it can be uplifting. Im lucky,I guess,cause though I live on the outskirts of London it really is still considered the countryside. So,some beautiful walks about. With your bulimia,do you binge on certain fooRAB? Im just wondering if there is anything that your tummy can tolerate to keep down. It would give you a bit if physical strength and we have to also consider the physical side of things if we want our minRAB to be healthy. The stuff you refer to that your mind wanders to when you're 'still' , is it stuff that you can work thru with your counsellor? It sounded like you had a pretty good relationship with her so maybe its stuff you should be confronting?? Anyways , dont feel too lonely cause theres lots of great peeps on here rooting for you and willing to spend much time helping u thru all this (including me).
Secrets , how ya doin mate? I hope the cravings have eased off a bit for you and u r still rollin along. I have had you in my mind for ages and have been rooting for you too.
Me?? Well.........if Im honest -which I guess I bloody well should be- things are a disaster zone for me. You know, I logged on yesterday and sobbed me bleedin heart out reading everyones posts. Not because I feel you doin so badly but because I really care about everyone Ive had contact with on this site. I know we havent met,exchanged real names etc but these are the most honest conversations Ive had with any one in YEARS. Since meeting you all (and Im talking to everyone) I have had the most profound insight into my life. Its like an evergrowing ephinany. Im struggling so much to stay clean and its forcing me to ask myself some very uncomfortable questions. The answers are not always very comforting either.
So,I couldnt face posting yesterday as I was a proper mess. Today has been so-so. Glad none of yous can see me - not a pretty sight!!
Anyways , hope to speak to some of ya tonight,
with love...........CC
 
Hey Mike,

I hope you don't take this the wrong way because I mean it only out of love and concern.... Have you though about checking your self into a rehab facility? It might be just what you need. You would not be alone, you would have constant support and also would be able to start facing these issues with booze and bulimia. Professionals who really know what can help you and what cant. I mean we love to be supportive here but I think that maybe you need a little bit more help than some kind worRAB here or there.

I really worry about you. I don't want you to die. Your life is worth more than I think you could begin to imagine right now. It's time to save yourself!!! I am so proud you are on day 10!!! That is great! These were all just suggestions and I hope you understand how I meant them... I am worried about you! Keep posting.
 
Hey Mike,

I am glad to hear you sounding better!!!! That makes me so happy!!!

I know how hard this all is!!! However, I feel we are all blessed to be able to walk this road together and not alone. There are people out there who are all alone and those are the true sufferers...

Lyn.. I had to laugh and was very honored when you called me the "resident Mom" That was great!! I really do love each and every one of you though! I know I am younger than most and that may be weird for some but thank you for not excluding me because of it!!!

Mike, keep us posted so we know how you are doing!
XOXOXO
 
Mike and Lugar

Take care of yourselves. I am also here for both of you and will listen anytime. I am on day 36 off of suboxone and am doing well. It was not easy but you "will" get through it and be stronger because of it, especially when you get your life back.

Lyn :angel:
 
Hi Lugar, thanks for responding. Please don't apologise. I love hearing from you. I want you to be strong just like I'm trying. This is so tough for both of us. To a " normy " it seems so simple. They think well just don't use the substance. Don't we wish it was that simple. If you find you can't stay straight for yourself then do it for your children. I know this is easier said than done. I feel you & I deserve some happiness & we'll never have it indulging in our addictions. I've never met you of course but you sound like a good person that deserves some piece & serenity. We can do this together Lugar ! Lets keep posting & please take care, Mike
 
Thanks Secrets ! Unfortunately I've been in several rehabs. & just got out of one a few months ago. I'll stay sober for a while & then I'll let the depression get the best of me & I relapse. I'm on Prozac but it doesn't seem to help. My counselor wants me back in the facility but I'm reluctant because it's a 6 mon. commitment. They call it transitional living. I'd have to give up my place & put everything in storage. I don't know what to do. I can't work because of my arm & will run out of money eventually. All bec:confused:ause of booze. Even w/ all that I feel like getting drunk & not thinking about it. I'm reluctant to eat because I know I'll be back throwing up. I'm a mess but holding on. Thanks again. Mike
 
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