Right now here is my assessment for my English. I am supposed to be writing in the style of bill Bryson - Sophisticated, Ironic/Sarcasm (but looking at things with a smile on your face, not all negative) It would help if you could change the words in the passage and if possible put them in capitals???? It would be a great help.
ZZZZ In need to know by TonighT or at the latest tomorrow morning ZZ
OH and now just one more thing
Once you've read it
can you think of anymore issues like this : seagulls, traffic, overcrowding, old biddies that i can ironic take the mick out of. Anyone with a good idea would be of great help to me!
Hope you enjoy...?
I arrived at Looe and my nerves melted away: I was stunned. It was more fantastic than I anticipated it to be. I struggled off the train with two colossal suitcases and propelled my way to the abused bench. While I perched on this occupied bench, encircled by a swarming mob of senile grouchy pensioners a seagull – also known as souring vermin or living flying nightmares, hurtled down and masticated on my head! This wasn’t in the brochure.
When I’d surrendered my seat to the little old lady with walking sticks and thrust through the masses of ancient grumblers, I approached the road. It was an infinite jigsaw of jam-packed tin cans rolling at 2mph bumper-to-bumper almost motionless. It took 23 tedious minutes for the slimmest breach to appear. I then maneuvered my cases between the painted bits of metal and emerged hot and flustered. As I wheezed while gasping for breath like an elephant on a treadmill, I peered up at the steep incline I was about to mount to reach my accommodation.
After I had ascended the cliff and achieved my goal I was escorted to my Victorian styled room (which was only £9.99 a night: bargain.) I was however rapidly abandoned for a private call but after a quick look around and a chilled pint of water from the bar I was refreshed and preparing to leave.
I left for town but rather disappointingly was the only one in “beach gear.” The majority of townsfolk were wearing joggers or jeans meanwhile others were wearing suits to the beach: a joke right? Then again I suppose it wasn’t really beach weather, I mean it wasn’t sunny but neither was it raining. Apparently there only about 10 days of this beach weather stuff down here and when it does come along the place is like a giant in a dwarf’s house.
ZZZZ In need to know by TonighT or at the latest tomorrow morning ZZ
OH and now just one more thing
Once you've read it
can you think of anymore issues like this : seagulls, traffic, overcrowding, old biddies that i can ironic take the mick out of. Anyone with a good idea would be of great help to me!
Hope you enjoy...?
I arrived at Looe and my nerves melted away: I was stunned. It was more fantastic than I anticipated it to be. I struggled off the train with two colossal suitcases and propelled my way to the abused bench. While I perched on this occupied bench, encircled by a swarming mob of senile grouchy pensioners a seagull – also known as souring vermin or living flying nightmares, hurtled down and masticated on my head! This wasn’t in the brochure.
When I’d surrendered my seat to the little old lady with walking sticks and thrust through the masses of ancient grumblers, I approached the road. It was an infinite jigsaw of jam-packed tin cans rolling at 2mph bumper-to-bumper almost motionless. It took 23 tedious minutes for the slimmest breach to appear. I then maneuvered my cases between the painted bits of metal and emerged hot and flustered. As I wheezed while gasping for breath like an elephant on a treadmill, I peered up at the steep incline I was about to mount to reach my accommodation.
After I had ascended the cliff and achieved my goal I was escorted to my Victorian styled room (which was only £9.99 a night: bargain.) I was however rapidly abandoned for a private call but after a quick look around and a chilled pint of water from the bar I was refreshed and preparing to leave.
I left for town but rather disappointingly was the only one in “beach gear.” The majority of townsfolk were wearing joggers or jeans meanwhile others were wearing suits to the beach: a joke right? Then again I suppose it wasn’t really beach weather, I mean it wasn’t sunny but neither was it raining. Apparently there only about 10 days of this beach weather stuff down here and when it does come along the place is like a giant in a dwarf’s house.