Arguing with my parents over my little brother's issues?

L

Lunar

New member
2 weeks ago, my parent were worried about my 20 years old brother spend all his money on his older GFand her son and asked me to talk to him. I went to his city, 1 hours drive. I wanted to take him to lunch, eating ice cream, or placewhere we can chit-chat. But refused to do all those. He just left me at our aunt's house which is not far from his GF apartment. He did not want to talk much to me. I don't want get into his business either.

Today, I called my parents and they asked whether I gave advice to my little brother. I told them, I did not talk much to him. I think he is an adult and if I am talking too much, this will distance us even more. My parents acted like I don't care about my brother. I asked them why don't you talk to my brother. why do you ask me to talk about his money. This can give him and everyone a bad impression about me etc. I know I hurt my parent's feelings, but seriously I don't want to get into my brother's spending habbit. I don't care if he gives all his money to his GF and her son and will not have money. It's his life, I cannot control him. I hope my parent understand that and not again force me to talk to him.

Well, I feel guilt to act a little upset over this matter to my parents. I know I hurt their feelings and would think I am a bad sister and will never take care of my siblings.
 
do what my 5 brothers and sisters did to me..let him go..it's for the best.As long as he has somebody right there in his life,he's gonna stay the same.I'm a 45 year old man.In my 20's and 30's my family was the same exact way as you and your parents..BIG MISTAKE..the best thing they did was let me go.They love me,but they are not gonna hold my hand no longer...Thank God..it helped me to grow up.

oh yeah...do not feel guilty or put any blame on your self.It will not solve the matter and all that will do is bring you down in other areas of your life.Stay strong and do not let your family or brother put it on you.
 
It's nice and right that your parents care, that's understandable, but you tried your best and quite rightly - your brother didn't want to hear it. It wasn't fair of your parents to make you talk to him when it is they themselves that have the issue with it, why couldn't your mum and dad gone to see him? Unless there is a problem, like she expects him to support her and her son, and there is nothing to indicate this is the case, he is just doing what makes him happy. I feel the issue may not be that he is spending money on his girlfriend but the fact she has a son and that son is not your brothers. I suggest telling them that he seemed fine and will ask if he needs advice. At 20 he is old enough to live his own life and make his own mistakes.
 
Please don't feel bad, you were trying to help, but unfortunately there is little you can do. I know your parents are trying to be helpful, but as he is over 18, the years where they can heavily advise him are over. Turning the tactic over to sending his sister in as their ambassador is clever, but not terribly original and he's aware of what they're doing.

The best you can do is to "be there" should he want to talk and continue to talk to him anyway, as a good sister would, and not always about the girlfriend. What he's doing right now is figuring stuff out for himself and must do so before he'll decide how he wants to run his life. Find out what he's up to in general, just talk on the phone, send emails, keep it light. That way, when he does want to talk, you've already negotiated that precedent of unbiased and nonjudgemental listening that will prompt him to take you more seriously.

Then you can ask him why he's spending all his money on her.

Lay down the foundational work first, then, after much time doing that, you can start doing some advising.
 
No you are not a bad sister. I get what your coming from but your parents only asked you a favor. I think that you should have tried to talk to him.Because if your parents are not there then you need to be there for him since he is your little brother. Talk to him and tell him that your not going to force him but he needs to make careful choices. Just let him know that you got his back.

=]
 
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