Are These Poems Half Decent?

J

John D

New member
Very creative (and lyrical). My only criticism is that you don't have to use an archaic word like "whilst" where a modern word like "while" will do. Use your own voice, and you won't go wrong.

Nicely done. Good stuff.
 
Ok, I'm very young. People hve told me, I have a gift in poetry, so I threw together a few, these are just my latest 2 please comment on how to get better n whether u like these, e.g ratings out of 10, im on my dadds acount, i am only 12. so take that into account.

If it’s raining, you bring out the sun in me
If its dark, you bring out the light in me
Any other weather, you bring out the rest of me,
But You, You Bring out the best of me...

From my bedroom window, It’s still easy to see,
You’re Ocean Deep Blue eyes, an your hair in the breeze,
And everytime you looked and winked,
I assume I Blushed and blinked.

But for hours, I’d watch and wait,
Whether you’d be mending a fence, or painting a gate,
And Everytime you smiled and winked,
I assume I Blushed and blinked.

But whilst you were working, one cold winter night,
I was freezing, looked at your picture, and was comforted by that sight,
It was the one of you, were you were waving and winking,
And I was stood next to you, blushing and blinking.
 
Very creative (and lyrical). My only criticism is that you don't have to use an archaic word like "whilst" where a modern word like "while" will do. Use your own voice, and you won't go wrong.

Nicely done. Good stuff.
 
Very creative (and lyrical). My only criticism is that you don't have to use an archaic word like "whilst" where a modern word like "while" will do. Use your own voice, and you won't go wrong.

Nicely done. Good stuff.
 
Dude, thanks for the feedback.
These are really awesome too.
Like no joke, I'm being serious.
Keep writing definitely. And
eventually, stop rhyming, the
strongest of poems lack this.
 
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