Anyone's sex life affected by pain or numbness.

  • Thread starter Thread starter dayna5
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Well, I'll join the crowd on this discussion since it seems to have a life of it's own... I have to apologize though, I have not thoroughly read all the entries. I'm suppose to be in bed, but have not been able to go to sleep in several hours, so here I sit once again.

Sex has definitely decreased since my back RE-injury, but we were pretty active to begin with. We just have had to limit some positioning that hurts and go easy on the...well...let's just say we haven't had to buy new support boarRAB in a while. :(

My husband and I reunited after 1.5 weeks on the day after my discography; needless to say he was feeling a little needy. As one gal said earlier, we "handled" it. I tend to give in because I don't think I pay as much attention to him as I used to and I feel badly about that. He doesn't ask as much anymore and he always just lets things drop if I'm hurting. He's a good man.
love1.gif


As for the medical scene. Funny that was brought up. Several days after I had my IDET hubby and I went out with my friend who had set up the procedure for me (a nurse). We were discussing the procedure and the post procedure education and I mentioned the fact that sex was not ever discussed during the teaching. In fact, the nurse for the procedure (a male) was teasing with the doc and myself (I'm a nurse and I knew the doc so I was not at all erabarrassed or belittled by the conversation) about my question of how to shave my legs if I couldn't bend over. (BTW, the answer was: "Does your husband shave his face? Then he can shave your legs." HEY...not a bad idea). The nurse said no one had ever asked that question before. Honestly, is that really a weird question so that NO ONE would have asked it? Obviously, if folks are afraid to ask about shaving, they certainly are more afraid to ask about sex.

Fortunately, I'd already read a bit about sex with back injuries and positioning to decrease pain. One of my better back books, "Your Aching Back: A Doctor's Guide to Relief" (by Augustus White, III) has a whole section that covers back injury/pain and sexual positions for both men and women. He talks about how little medical professionals address these issues.

Davy, great serious topic. ;)


[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 01-15-2003).]
 
Vikki,

Purple is right, my fingers are burning! lol You have proposed an interesting form of PT. :eek: I have never tried it, but it certainly gives me food for thought.

I, like Dayna have the problem with nurabness, so it may not be possible any more. :(

Missy :D

Missy :D
 
Hi ALL,

Between Belle and I (With Belle starting the discussion)over in The Spinal Disorders Board(Heading,Davy's surgery 6th or 7th Aug) we have started a discussion on how our pain and nurabness has affected our sex lives.
Bee,Purple and others have contributed and I personaly think it's about time that this taboo subject was broached.

Consider this!! It affects a great deal of us and when putting the neccessary questions to our Doc's, they seem to clam up and offer little or no advice.

Hope this even helps one sufferer,

Love to ALL

Davy
 
Davey, I found out quite by accident. I had been taking saw palmetto for 5 years thinking i had inlarged prostate--- frequent urination and decreased sexual sensations. when my dr. told me that my blownout c-7 might cause bladder problems, i was shocked cause after one particular trip to a chiropractor, my frequent urination, and sex/lack thingy went away------ althought the pain in my fingers never did! it's bee a strange 4 months!
 
Hi, everyone. Just wanted to pass along the name of a book which has a good chapter on this subject: the book is "Your Aching Back". It's by Augustus White, MD.He is an ortho surgeon/spine specialist who is professor of ortho surgery at Harvard. The chapter is called "Sex and the Aching Back". Worth reading. (publisher is Simon and Schuster, NY. Paperback, 14 us dollars. A little old - 1990 - but can this subject have changed much in that time?)
 
Hi Belle,Baxter, Merida, Trace and ALL...

Does anyone know if Merrida has got around to reading our reply's yet??? Nurabness in this area NEERAB investigation.

Belle, did hubby not like the feeling when your leg went into spasm :D
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Like Baxter I wish each of you all the very best this "Hogmany" 2003

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to ALL,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Nurabness, but in the past month or so has eased considerably... YES!!!!
 
Ladies buy toys I think men like to use them. I only have one,,, take it out 2-3 times a year..

Sex hummmmmm been a while he's afraid to hurt my neck,
so I guess I'll just jump aboard and ride the ride. Oh I can't wait til tonight. AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW Lynn
 
looking4relief....

Thank you for your warm reply. We have been thru it all, doctors, surgery, PT, tests and everthing else. The pain is so bad it has taught him to protect his lower half at all costs so the pain doesn't spike. Sex is no longer an issue. Sheesh, we're only 40!

Davy

When that happened 3 years ago, he curled up into the fetal positition and was in agony. He couldn't feel his legs and his lower back was killing him. That kinda ruined the moment. The doc also told him to avoid at all costs his back muscles tensing up. He is in different degrees of pain 99% of the time and when he has no pain, he is greatful and just relaxes. We haven't even mentioned sex in about 2 years. He's so consumed with his pain, he don't think about much else.

[This message has been edited by Lori.19 (edited 08-22-2002).]
 
Leanne-
It was about the same for me my parents didn't say to much because they are pretty open people and had themselves just gotten divorced one year prior to me getting married, and were with new partners. However, it was more me grandparents and aunts and such they did not like it one bit, but like you said they did'nt have a choice. We've been married almost 5 yrs now and they all love him! ( Mostly because they have to suck up so he will cook for them!) ;)

Yes I also hurt myself at work. But I had NO symptoms of having a bad back up until then. When I hurt myself it just felt like a strain I even waited four days to REALLY report it (fill out the reports and such) but the pain just got worse! Even today I am having more and more go wrong and my injury was 4.5 months ago. How does your husband handle your pain? I think it really hurts my husband. I dont like it
:( I know its hard for him!
Have you looked into pell grants? We make a fairly ok income and I still got approved, not only does it pay for my school and books but I usually also get a few hundred back, it's worth a try! Have a good day!

------------------
-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.
 
You guys are great!!! I love to come here and read something that is uplifting and funny, instead of depressing. I know we all appreciate it. I can't sit long these days, so am not posting as much as usual. But, the sex topic got my attention. :eek:

I'm glad that someone brought it up! Sex is so hard for me. I can only attempt it on "good" days which are getting fewer and farther between. Then, I am guaranteed several "bad" days afterwarRAB. I know my husband feels guilty for even asking.

Okay guys, cover your eyes. Do any of you girls have nurabness that reaches a very ummm
redface.gif
sensitive area? I have just begun having this nurabness (and at times tingling too...woo-hoo!) and you can guess the effect!! Actually, I should say the lack of effect. I just wondered if I am alone here.

Sorry if that is tacky or off limits, but you said nothing was taboo. Please tell me I am not the only one here with that problem. I will be totally erabarrassed!

Missy :D
 
Hi Lori,

This is obviously a very dificult time for you and your hubby, I feel for you both soooo much.To be only in your 40's and for hubby to be in so much pain that no performance whatsoever is the order of the day, is I would imagine so hard.
What is the long term outlook for hubby????

You take care Lori

:heart: to you and yours

Davy
 
Missy ,
No your not being tacky or otherwise.
I don't relate to the nurabness but if you read my first post on spinal disorder board, i cannot get very phyisical and like yourself suffer for days after the pain is indescribable, So we rarely go there at this present time

Best wishes, And here's to the future swinging on the Chanderliers :D

Love purple xx
 
Hi All,
I use to be here as you all are. Most times I just visit and read mainly because at the state most of you all are in at the time No one can be feeling the same as you at this time, Remeraber I was there 3 years ago. This Topic was something that was and still is in my mined only I have to live with it.
To give you a run down here, I'm 38 male was an active guy worked as a contractor. I had an accident back in the yearly /90's and lived with pain for years. It was bad most people would say I put it on, so on most part I never talked about it and covered it up. I also loved a sex life as most do and always thought of myself as being good at it,or is it normal for women to tell you (your very Good) :round: :D Well my sex life went down hill slowly untill at one point I could not even think of it, because the pain was so bad ! I fell off my feet one day and it was all over Surgery was the only way to the lower back.
L5-S1 fusion with the Disc out and Caged and 2 roRAB added. Well life was not normal for I would say a good year, but I ended up on my feet with no Med's ,walking, working feeling good again with (almost) No pain.3 years and I'm back to work lifting anything I did before, I know of my limits , but life is normal and great BUT my SEX life.
It is not the same and has never came back, I still want sex,I like it but I have not got the stanima I had by know means. It seems no matter how much I try it is not there. Sex is not what it use to be, but I guess I have to live with it.

I read the post about ( cozy ) and really felt for her. I see both sides of the fence here. The frustration of her husband and what he is missing from the life he had. And Cozy the frustration she has because she can't win with either problem. The problem is her husband has looked past her problems, because he has a problem now.
If her husband could read this as I comment on this and her post.
My friend, I understand your thoughts, feelings and frustrations because I'm a guy and was at one time in the same boots as you,I believe.
You have a wife that stanRAB or stood by you most times. Now in your life your wife has a problem with something that she has no control at all. Beleive me with time it will get better,Stand by her when she neeRAB you.
I see this is real late but I hope it can help others in thoughts that are in your mind.
 
labido?? hahahahahahahahahahahaha :D I forgot what that feels like. At this point my goal is aiming for "closeness to hubby", "intimancy", and "romance"...but at just shy of 3 months, even a "little O" would be great think. I just enjoy w/out pain :angel:

-michelle
 
Davy,

I almost peed my pants laughing. My husband and I almost have a NON exsitant sex life. All due to the pain and pressure of my back and legs. thought i was the only one and was afraid to ask. I also have lost of bladder at some times due to the back problems....

love,
VON :)
 
:wave: Here it is Batmom, I hope you enjoyed it,? Begin a new thread, maybe, as this is becoming VERY long !! :eek:
Love Belle NZ :angel: xxx
 
Hi all. I haven't had sex in 3 years. Last time we tried, I gave my hubby some oral and when he climaxed he went into severe spasms and couldn't feel his legs. That was 3 years ago and we've never tried again. I do get a quick peck on the cheek once every 2 weeks but that's all I get. Hubby got hurt 6 years ago today. I guess today is the anniversary of my new life. I'm just a maid and care giver now. I dread the next 35 years.

[This message has been edited by Lori.19 (edited 08-22-2002).]
 
Alison,

Someone else mentioned the pell grant and I will certainly look into it soon. I am sure I will not be making it back this year, as I know I could not sit in a desk. UGH!!

My husband says he would take my pain away in a minute if he could. And I know he would. I love him so much for that. It is very hard on him, with the money situation, and everything. He has to pull so much of the load and it is wearing him out. I find myself constantly saying I'm sorry, and he gets mad at me for that. He says "quit saying your sorry it's not your fault"

Anyway, as I said before , I am not feeling the best today, so I am going to have a bit of a lie down.

Good day everyone,

LeAnne :bouncing:

PS. None yet for me!!!!!!
 
Share away!

this IMHO is a very serious subject, I dont think you can just live without it...not just sex, but the intimate part of a relationship. Listen if your hubby can't...he should be able to enjoy intimate times with you, no matter what. even if he watches you, use one of your toys.

I have been getting worse since july, when this post started, and I have had to slow down, but we do what we can :)
best of luck to you all

hugs
bee
 
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