As a joke, may be fun to imagine, but I just want to make sure locating the stolen bike would be done correctly and quickly. Finding a stolen bike quickly may result in the arrests of a theft ring, which would keep someone else's bike from becoming e-bay parts. I'd inadvertently keep the prices of our bikes up, thus maintaining a higher resale value.
The police may not have the LoJack tracking device, or it might be broken, or they might not be trained up on it...
This way I give them the cause they need to get into a place to find my bike, and I could do it using their internet. I'm sure I'd imagine putting a hurting on the thieves, but they might be Tae-Bo black belts and put the hurt on me. I'd be so embarrassed. Just like the time I walked into that glass door; no need to look for trouble.
There are a few companies selling these products and services, and the devices are becoming smaller, and cheaper. Just search for it and I'm sure you'll find something better than LoJack.