J
Jimmy
Guest
Okay I'm working on a comedy routine in which I say Baseball Football & Basketball are the only sports and nothing else counts as a sport. The idea is that everything else is a game or an activity. What other games or activities do you think qualify as sports?
Spitting? I'm not even gonna ask!
Thanks for your answers, and now here are some thoughts...
A lot of people said Hockey. Nope, Hockey is not a sport, Hockey is three activities going on at the same time: Ice skating, chasing a puck, and beating the crap out of someone. Now if these guys were intelligent at all, they'd do these things one at a time. First you go Ice Skating, then you chase a puck, then you go to the bar and beat the crap out of someone. The day would last a lot longer and these guys would have a lot more fun.
The other reason it's not a sport is because it's not played with a ball. Anything that isn't played with a ball isn't a sport (These are MY rules, I make em up!) Hockey is played with a puck, I never even heard of a puck outside of Hockey. The only other place you ever see a puck is in the urinal to control the smell in the bathroom. And as far as I'm concerned, any game where the main object is something that came out of a toilet is definitely not a sport.
Soccer? No, Soccer isn't a sport, because you can't use your arms! Anything where you can't use your arms can't be a sport. Tap-dancing isn't a sport, I rest my case! Another thing I don't like about Soccer, they got dots on the ball. That's a big rule of mine, no G*d Damn dots on the ball!
Rugby, now Rugby to me should be a sport, even if it's just another form of Football. It has all the necessary elements that make up a sport: Special Skills, Chance of Gambling, and a chance for serious Injury! That's what I'm looking for in a sport. I don't care who wins; If I want winners, I'll watch the Academy Awards, I want some serious injury! I want a leg in two or three places, and in Rugby, they don't even wear any protection!
Unfortunately, Rugby isn't a sport, because nobody knows what the hell it is! The other problem is that the forwards look like their engaging in some weird sexual position! Sports are required to be G rated. When unprotected sexual orgies are made into Olympic events, FINE! Rugby can be a sport.
A couple people said running, or track. Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it! I can run and you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated. "I'm gonna run down to the store and buy a loaf of bread." Fine, it's not a G*d Damn sport! I'm not gonna pay to watch you buy a f*cking loaf of bread!
Swimming? Swimming isn't a sport, swimming is a way to keep from drowning! That's common sense.
Skateboarding isn't a sport. Skateboarding is a way to get somewhere. Riding the bus isn't a sport, why the f*ck should skateboarding be a sport?
Martial Arts isn't a sport, Martial Arts is a way of beating the crap out of somebody. Same with boxing, which in this case would be a more sophisticated form of Hockey. But beating the crap out of someone is not a sport, despite what the police think. When police brutality becomes an olympic event, FINE, boxing and martial arts can be sports.
LaCrosse? LaCrosse isn't a sport, LaCrosse is a f*ggot college activity. Sorry about that. Anytime you're standing out in a field with a stick with a net on the end of it, you're engaged in a gay college activity.
Same thing with field hockey and fencing, these things aren't sports because you can't gamble on them. Anything you can't gamble on can't be a sport. When was the last time you made a f*cking fencing bet?
Curling isn't a sport, Curling is Hockey while sweeping the floor. If sweeping the floor is really a sport, then that means every janitor in this country is an athlete! And the retarded hunchback who sweeps the floor at the bar is definitely not an athlete!
Now noodling could be a sport, because a big fish could bite your arm off! But fishing is not a sport, fishing is a survival technique. Sports are not survival techniques. If you're stuck on an island, you think dribbling a basketball is going to help you?
Skiing is not a sport, because you have to rent the skis... don't forget... my rules, I make 'em up!
Horse back riding isn't a sport, because the horses are doing all the work. The jockey is just sitting around enjoying the ride. That would be like a baseball player scoring a home run, and they give the credit to the bat! Sports need to be played by humans, therefore Horseback riding isn't a sport.
Polo isn't a sport either, it's golf on horseback. Great idea, he he, but it's not a sport. And water polo I don' even wanna mention, because it's extremely cruel to the horses.
Nascar... NOW WE'RE TALKING SERIOUS INJURIES FOLKS!!! I don't know about you, but that's what I'm looking for in auto racing, a nice crash and a car fire. I don't care who wins these things, it's the same five red necks who win this all the time. Driving around in a circle does not impress me! Let me put it this way, when else am I going to see a car crash and not be in the son of a b*tch?
Still not a sport, because much like horseback, the car is doing all the work.
Hunting? You think hunting is a sport, ask the deer!
Cricket isn't a sport because Australians are good at it! ... Took me a long time to come up with that one.
Now tennis, very trendy, not a sport. Tennis is a form of ping pong. In fact, tennis is ping pong while standing on the table. Great idea... but it's not a sport. In fact, all racket games are derivative of ping pong. Even Volleyball is racketless team ping pong played with an inflated ball with a raised net while standing on the table.
You think golf is a sport? You gotta be kidding me... You ever watched Golf on TV? It's like watching flies f-ck! I get more excited picking out socks. Golf could be fun if you could play alone, but it's these genetic defectives you gotta hang around with, that make it such a boring pastime.
Think of the brains that it takes to play golf... hitting a ball, with a crooked stick... and then... walking after it... and then... hitting it again... I say pick it up As-hole you're lucky you found the f-cking thing. Pick the it up and go the f-ck home will you?!
Spitting? I'm not even gonna ask!
Thanks for your answers, and now here are some thoughts...
A lot of people said Hockey. Nope, Hockey is not a sport, Hockey is three activities going on at the same time: Ice skating, chasing a puck, and beating the crap out of someone. Now if these guys were intelligent at all, they'd do these things one at a time. First you go Ice Skating, then you chase a puck, then you go to the bar and beat the crap out of someone. The day would last a lot longer and these guys would have a lot more fun.
The other reason it's not a sport is because it's not played with a ball. Anything that isn't played with a ball isn't a sport (These are MY rules, I make em up!) Hockey is played with a puck, I never even heard of a puck outside of Hockey. The only other place you ever see a puck is in the urinal to control the smell in the bathroom. And as far as I'm concerned, any game where the main object is something that came out of a toilet is definitely not a sport.
Soccer? No, Soccer isn't a sport, because you can't use your arms! Anything where you can't use your arms can't be a sport. Tap-dancing isn't a sport, I rest my case! Another thing I don't like about Soccer, they got dots on the ball. That's a big rule of mine, no G*d Damn dots on the ball!
Rugby, now Rugby to me should be a sport, even if it's just another form of Football. It has all the necessary elements that make up a sport: Special Skills, Chance of Gambling, and a chance for serious Injury! That's what I'm looking for in a sport. I don't care who wins; If I want winners, I'll watch the Academy Awards, I want some serious injury! I want a leg in two or three places, and in Rugby, they don't even wear any protection!
Unfortunately, Rugby isn't a sport, because nobody knows what the hell it is! The other problem is that the forwards look like their engaging in some weird sexual position! Sports are required to be G rated. When unprotected sexual orgies are made into Olympic events, FINE! Rugby can be a sport.
A couple people said running, or track. Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it! I can run and you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated. "I'm gonna run down to the store and buy a loaf of bread." Fine, it's not a G*d Damn sport! I'm not gonna pay to watch you buy a f*cking loaf of bread!
Swimming? Swimming isn't a sport, swimming is a way to keep from drowning! That's common sense.
Skateboarding isn't a sport. Skateboarding is a way to get somewhere. Riding the bus isn't a sport, why the f*ck should skateboarding be a sport?
Martial Arts isn't a sport, Martial Arts is a way of beating the crap out of somebody. Same with boxing, which in this case would be a more sophisticated form of Hockey. But beating the crap out of someone is not a sport, despite what the police think. When police brutality becomes an olympic event, FINE, boxing and martial arts can be sports.
LaCrosse? LaCrosse isn't a sport, LaCrosse is a f*ggot college activity. Sorry about that. Anytime you're standing out in a field with a stick with a net on the end of it, you're engaged in a gay college activity.
Same thing with field hockey and fencing, these things aren't sports because you can't gamble on them. Anything you can't gamble on can't be a sport. When was the last time you made a f*cking fencing bet?
Curling isn't a sport, Curling is Hockey while sweeping the floor. If sweeping the floor is really a sport, then that means every janitor in this country is an athlete! And the retarded hunchback who sweeps the floor at the bar is definitely not an athlete!
Now noodling could be a sport, because a big fish could bite your arm off! But fishing is not a sport, fishing is a survival technique. Sports are not survival techniques. If you're stuck on an island, you think dribbling a basketball is going to help you?
Skiing is not a sport, because you have to rent the skis... don't forget... my rules, I make 'em up!
Horse back riding isn't a sport, because the horses are doing all the work. The jockey is just sitting around enjoying the ride. That would be like a baseball player scoring a home run, and they give the credit to the bat! Sports need to be played by humans, therefore Horseback riding isn't a sport.
Polo isn't a sport either, it's golf on horseback. Great idea, he he, but it's not a sport. And water polo I don' even wanna mention, because it's extremely cruel to the horses.
Nascar... NOW WE'RE TALKING SERIOUS INJURIES FOLKS!!! I don't know about you, but that's what I'm looking for in auto racing, a nice crash and a car fire. I don't care who wins these things, it's the same five red necks who win this all the time. Driving around in a circle does not impress me! Let me put it this way, when else am I going to see a car crash and not be in the son of a b*tch?
Still not a sport, because much like horseback, the car is doing all the work.
Hunting? You think hunting is a sport, ask the deer!
Cricket isn't a sport because Australians are good at it! ... Took me a long time to come up with that one.
Now tennis, very trendy, not a sport. Tennis is a form of ping pong. In fact, tennis is ping pong while standing on the table. Great idea... but it's not a sport. In fact, all racket games are derivative of ping pong. Even Volleyball is racketless team ping pong played with an inflated ball with a raised net while standing on the table.
You think golf is a sport? You gotta be kidding me... You ever watched Golf on TV? It's like watching flies f-ck! I get more excited picking out socks. Golf could be fun if you could play alone, but it's these genetic defectives you gotta hang around with, that make it such a boring pastime.
Think of the brains that it takes to play golf... hitting a ball, with a crooked stick... and then... walking after it... and then... hitting it again... I say pick it up As-hole you're lucky you found the f-cking thing. Pick the it up and go the f-ck home will you?!