Here's the first version- (I know it didn't really change by much)
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101022155809AAn7eLa
The instructions again:
Read your paragraph to a friend or family member and ask them for input. Ask them what they enjoy about your paragraph, what imagery it evokes, and if you can make any improvements. Then, using their feedback, improve your paragraph.
Here's the new version:
I briskly strolled through the tranquil woods behind our dilapidated Victorian house whose colors were fading from a light coffee to a more of a cream color. The ground was blanketed in a variety of different tones from pumpkin orange to the deep crimson of a perfect apple. The air smelled like home, the fresh fragrance of a burning candle and the cinnamon from the pie in the oven. A squirrel danced in front of my path startling me; it was followed by a larger second one. The two were locked in a small fight, both emitting high-pitched growling sounds that sounded quite intimidating. The larger one was threatening to overtake the slighter at any second, for they always fight around this time of year. It was a peculiar season, but I couldn’t have loved it more.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101022155809AAn7eLa
The instructions again:
Read your paragraph to a friend or family member and ask them for input. Ask them what they enjoy about your paragraph, what imagery it evokes, and if you can make any improvements. Then, using their feedback, improve your paragraph.
Here's the new version:
I briskly strolled through the tranquil woods behind our dilapidated Victorian house whose colors were fading from a light coffee to a more of a cream color. The ground was blanketed in a variety of different tones from pumpkin orange to the deep crimson of a perfect apple. The air smelled like home, the fresh fragrance of a burning candle and the cinnamon from the pie in the oven. A squirrel danced in front of my path startling me; it was followed by a larger second one. The two were locked in a small fight, both emitting high-pitched growling sounds that sounded quite intimidating. The larger one was threatening to overtake the slighter at any second, for they always fight around this time of year. It was a peculiar season, but I couldn’t have loved it more.