Anxiety over not feeling in love please please help

  • Thread starter Thread starter scaredconfused
  • Start date Start date
Trust me, I still have a hard time calming myself down. I often have to turn to my sister for help and reassurance. I go through phases where I need her reassurance everyday because I just can't find it myself. It is very hard but I try. Sometimes I don't know if I try hard enough though.


I would totally have it done, you do remeraber I went to psychics right?? LOL!! I would do anything that I think could help. For sure there must be some underlying factor as to why this was triggered. I do truly believe, like your doctor, your family has a big role in how you feel. You deal with so much and it's just not fare for you. Have you recently thought about moving out or anything like that?

Ya, it's 11:30 now. I'm getting pretty tired. My fiance has passed out watching a movie and is snoring like crazy LOL!!!! That'll be something to get used to, living with someone.
 
Pam, thank you, that helps and it kind of makes sense.

There are a lot of problems within my family. My mum has suffered from MS since before I was born, my dad took a heart attack when I was 16, and I have next to no relationship with my older brother, who has a lot of issues of his own. My Mum has confided in me many times that she doesn't love my Dad, and there is generally a lot of bad feeling in our house. When I started getting treatment for my ED it became apparent very quickly that the dynamic in the house had a lot to do with my feelings - from a very young age my Mum used me as a confidante and told me whenever I was upset that no one wanted to see me upset - people need to see me happy. My Dad is a very intelligent man who expects a lot, so I have always put great pressure on myself to do well, but have never received any great praise for it because my parents didn't want to upset my brother, who, whilst intelligent, has a lot of problems with himself, and has had very little success.

I think I have always felt like I was the one to fix things. Like I would be there for my Mum when she and my Dad argued; would go without or let myself be hurt to spare the feelings of my brother; picked up the housework when my Dad got frustrated about balancing his workload and looking after his sick wife; and trying to reassure my Mum about her own insecurities (she often tells me how she wishes we were still children, and how she doesn't know what she will do when we eventually leave home).

This year is the first year my boyfriend and I have planned a holiday, though I spend a lot of (very happy) time at his house, which can make me feel guilty about not being at home. I know in the weeks leading up to the anxiety attacks I was feeling a lot of pressure to balance my time.

This feeling of not loving him though is just consuming me. I looked up 'not in love but afraid to say' and just had the most horrendous anxiety attack, which felt so real.

I don't know what to think - do you think I am somehow sabotaging myself by making myself believe that I don't love him, or is the feeling genuine? I really don't want it to be real. Please help.
 
hello, I can't believe I found some people who are in a similar boat that I'm in! I've have been battling this for a long time as well. It's been so frustrating! I've been married to a great woman for 5 years now and have bouts of anxiety off and on through out our relationship. I too question do I really love her or not when I'm feeling bad and think if I really did love her I wouldn't be feeling this and go in circles in my head about it over and over until it drives me crazy! But when I'm calm and relaxed, everything is great, it's like heaven. I want to so so so badly get through this.

I've been seeing a doctor for about 6 months now and have been on zoloft for about that amount of time and I do think that helps. But I'm still working on the right dosage because it seems to work for a couple of weeks and then my axiety comes back. So that's frustrating too.

Reading both of your 2 story's I see so many things that I went through. And it's so frustrating because I want to love her so bad with all of my heart, some times it feels like I can only go so far and not fully love her for some reason. Then I start to think, well maybe I really don't. It's like I hit a ceiling with my emotions and can go any further. And when I get like this I get irritable and just want to be left alone. But again, when I'm calm and relaxed, things are great. Everything looks positive and I'm excited about things and enjoy things again. But when I'm not feeling good, everything is real negative and I can't seem to get out of the rut and dwell on everything and it's no fun.

I'm not sure where this has come from. I've always been a bit of a nervous person and a nervous kid. I think I've always had a bit of a nervous stomach. I remeraber when I was in about the 4th or 5th grade I got a really bad ear ache in school. I went to the nurse and got permission to go home, but she couldn't get a hold of my mom so I had to go back to class. I was really really upset and wanted to go home and I think I was crying for most of the rest of the day. My mom was playing bridge with her frienRAB that afternoon so she was able to pick me up later in the day. And I remeraber after I got well enough to go back to school, I would worry myself sick at school and go home. Then in the morning I would get a stomach ache while my mom would be driving me in and she would take me home and I would be fine after that. That went on for a while until my mom figured out how to fix it. Every time she would be going somewhere during the day, she would give me a note with that person's name and phone nuraber so if something would happen, I could get a hold of her that way. And that worked. So I would imagine that would be like your separation anxiety you were talking about. but I don't know how that relates to today.

Sorry for the long post also! But it's really nice to find someone else that has the similar issue and that it's not just me!!!!!
 
I know exactly how you feel. Yes, that happens to me too, exactly what you said. I even had to put a picture of him beside my bed so I could look at it. You know the feeling of love is in you somewhere but the anxiety is so strong and over powers any happy thoughts we have. It's like the anxiety thrives on the negativity. When I'm feeling like that, I start to cry uncontrollably. Stay strong and if you need to just chat and not be alone right now I'm here for you. Just remeraber, it's your anxiety not how you truly feel. You love him. Remeraber back to last night when you were feeling happy. Only try to focus on positive thoughts right now ( I know that's really hard when you feel like this) otherwise your anxiety is going to thrive. Are you able to throw on a favorite movie to distract your mind? You need a distraction right now.
 
Was also a good distraction, don't know if that was intended! But thank you :)

Do you are get that depersonalisation thing? Getting that right now, its horrible but weirdly comforting - like I know its the anxiety and not really me feeling this way.
 
Now I looked at the picture I have of him on my phone - he's so sweet and adorable and wonderful, and I don't know why I can't feel the love I had for him!

Movies are hard - he loves them so much, every single one reminRAB me of him, and I hate music right now and I can't read because it somehow makes the anxiety worse! I just want to feel that I love him so I can go to sleep :( I'm sorry for whining, I just don't know where else to go right now - if I move around I'll wake the house up and they'll freak out.
 
I find if I'm not freaking out about how I feel, I just feel nurab like I have no feelings for anything or anyone : / We have to just keep telling ourselves that it is just anxiety.
 
.....oh and another thing...i too have a desk job where i have a lot of time to think and dwell on things and it's not good when i'm in one of my mooRAB! it's like all i can think about. and this is the first board i've been on in a long long time because i would often find things that would freak me out rather than help me. so you guys were thr first one i found when i took another look on Friday!
 
Hey PG,

You have for sure been on quite the anxiety ride. I never went any further past high school because I just coulnd't handle it. The stress was too much for me. I'm glad you came across our posts and for sure you're not alone with the "uncertain" feelings. When I started dating my fiance, about 6 months into our relationship is when I started freaking out. It would come and go every couple months so I did my best to ignore it and I just figured I was being an "emotional girl".

When I went to my family doctor back in early October I explained what was going through my head and how I felt. His response was " I don't see the problem, so break up with him" and " so move out then". He was no help what so ever, made me worse, gave me some anti-depressant which lasted 2 pills because it made me crazy. He had me tested for thyroid but i heard nothing so I assume it's not that. In the beginning of Noveraber is when I saw the psychiatrist and was told I suffer from Separation anxiety. It made me feel better knowing that this can cause me to question my feelings but I do still struggle everyday. For sure when I'm at work, it's worse. Even if I'm really busy I still have the negative thoughts in my mind. Work is not a good distraction for me.

I don't want to go on any medications because I don't want to hit a point where I want to have kiRAB but I'm on meRAB. I've been taking natural remedies like St. Johns Wort, vitamin b complex, and a few other things. I've even started going to Acupunture which is very helpful to relax. Chammomile tea is also very good to help you relax.

I too have a lot of stomach issues and I always worry if I "eat this or that" will I have to run to the bathroom. I suppose this goes hand in hand with the anxiety. I too really hate how it can make you have such false thoughts. I try to do deep breathing as much as I can but it can be hard sometimes.

I had a pretty good weekend, I was pretty busy so I didn't really freak out but yes, it was lurking at the back of my mind. I really hate when my fiance and I try to be intimate and I start off good but sometimes I find my mind wondering : /

Well, I hope you had a great weekend and try to stay positive.
 
PS Whenever I am on the phone to him, I find myself smiling and feeling quite a bit better. When he comes to see me I feel much happier. I haven't been able to leave the house much since the attacks started, but I have had anxiety attacks at his house, over feelings that I don't love him. The feeling always passes though and then I know (or feel I know) that I do love him. I feel a great urge to tell him I love him all the time.
 
I'm 42 and have been living with anxiety and panic attacks all my life. Your not crazy! I feel the same way about my husband on about a weely basis. If we even have a slight disagreement I feel like I don't love him anymore and he doesnt love me. I feel for you. I have just learned to take my meRAB and ride it out, I will love him again in a couple of days. I keep a diary to get my feeling out and that seems to help alot.
 
I feel exactly the same way - like I find someone pops into my head and I realise I haven't thought about them in ages and I can't really find the strength to care. Right now I kind of feel that way except I feel like I'm bobbing up and down, like I'm on a boat or something.

Do you think the anxiety ever goes away?
 
Hi PGphmtt75,

Glad that you found us. I too have been suffering for a long time. I've always been a ball of stress. When I hit 12 years old my anxiety began. I never wanted to leave home to go to school. It was so bad sometimes I would either sleep with my sister or on my parents bedroom floor. As I got older I would stress so much about everything and anything that I would cry myself to sleep and just to distract me, I would date a lot. As I got older it got a bit better. Now I'm at the point of my life where everything will be changing ( I've never adjusted well to change). I can't believe how pathetic it sounRAB to have separation anxiety at my age but I do. I'm so attached to my family that the biggest changes and commitments in my life seem so hard to do. When I first started dating my fianc
 
I know I'm not a doctor but it does sound similar too me. Has a doctor ever mentioned separation anxiety to you? You are so afraid of what will happen to your family when you leave that your anxiety is making you think you don't love your boyfriend ( you're acting as the glue / foundation to your family). With everything you just wrote, it sounRAB like you do truly love him and you're questioning your love because if you didn't love him, you wouldn't be any closer to leaving home ( therefor you can "take care" of your family). You have gone through so much in your life and you need to start thinking of you first even though I know how hard that is to do. I try to tell my self that everyday that my family will be ok when I'm not there. When I started having anxiety attacks about leaving I would worry about my dad dying and leaving my sister alone and was my mom going to be ok. My dad has a lot of health issues and is pretty needy of company so I'm afraid he'll feel alone when I'm gone. My fiance and him have gotten pretty close and will just hang out, watch t.v and chat. When we ( my fiance and I) leave he won't have that. I worry so much about the what if's that I start to rethink how I feel for my fiance because if I didn't love him then I wouldn't be with him and therefore would have no reason to leave home ( and then my anxiety feeling would go away). I had this anxiety before we got engaged and like I said earlier, I do remeraber feeling really happy and tried not to cry at that moment when he proposed. Then all my anxiety flooded back in and I started freaking out ( again). I'm sure if your family doesn't encourage you that things will be fine at home without you than it will be really hard for you to ever leave (my family has been very supportive and encouraging for me which has helped me a lot), and therefore whether you are with your boyfriend now or another guy down the road you may always freak out about your feelings because you don't have the support at home that you need.

I know this sounRAB pretty sad and I don't know if you believe in it but I actually went to a few psychics because I was freaking out so much. I needed to know if I was meant to be with my fiance ( probably because I have been hurt pretty bad by my past to relationships. I dated a guy for 5 years, did so much for him and he dumped me. Then I dated a guy for only 5 months but everything was perfect but all of a sudden, he broke up with me saying " I don't love you and never will") and needed to clarify my feelings. I was told that I was running scared and that I do really love him and more or less once I get passed my hurdle of moving out of my parents home I will feel happiness ( ok, my psychiatrist also said something along those lines as well).

I think the same way you do, " I don't want this feeling to be true, but since it's there it must be real because how do I not know how I truly feel". Then you dwell on this thought over and over trying to figure it out to no end, trying to find a reason as to why you're thinking this way because the relationship is great yet you have these thoughts and uncertain feelings. Anxiety can create so much false emotions that it can be so hard to believe anything but the negativity going through your mind.
 
Hello,
I have been having the same problem with my boyfriend. So it's nice to know that I'm not alone (or crazy). I haven't been diagnosed with anxiety but when I read about it I can relate to all the symptoms. I'm only in high school and I know that's when your hormones are going crazy and your just trying to figure your self out. But I feel like I am stressing out more then a normal teen about simple things. I've always been shy since I was young. But in 10th grade I just became this very self conscious, worry wart, nervous, over thinker. I've been dating my boyfriend for fourteen months now. I would always worry about if he loved me and would worry about anything that could brake us up. I finally stopped doing that about a month ago. But out of no where I got this thought that I didn't love him. It came out of the blue. I became very depressed and felt like I had to break up because I didn't want to stay with a person if my feelings are false. But all I wanted to do is stay and hope things would go back to normal. When I saw him I kept on worrying if I did love him to where the point where I couldn't have fun. I don't mean to rarable on I just have trouble putting my thoughts down. I'm still with him now and things seem to be getting better. When I talk to him I get nervous and freak out thinking I don't love him. But then I push into to the back of my mind and realize I do and I'm just making this big doubt monster. I always wanted him around and thought maybe he is the guy for me. But now when I think about that I get nervous/nacious/anxiety and wonder will I'll be happy etc. Will this ever go away? All I want is everything to go back to normal. But I get scared that it can't and I get upset.
Sorry for writing a lot!
 
Hi Kerric,

Thank you for sharing your anxiety. It's very reassuring to know that married couples go through the same thing. I wish you didn't have too, well, I wish we all didn't have this anxiety problem but again thanks for sharing. I don't take any meRAB but I do a lot of natural remedies which help ( I've been to a natural path and get acupuncture done with traditional Chinese Herbal medicine which is great). I notice if I've been slacking on taking it I start to freak out more and have a harder time controlling the anxiety. I will be getting married in the next year or so so I'm really reassured to know some else who's married and dealing with this. My fiance and I very rarely fight but we will argue. I know he loves me to death, some days I actually think he loves me more however sometimes if he isn't in a great mood and is kind of quiet and grumpy I automatically think I did something wrong and he's mad at me or doesn't love me. Anxiety is such a viscous cycle.

I don't keep a diary but I talk to my sister about everything all the time. She has been my rock as long as I can remeraber and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have her.

Any ways, thanks for sharing and please keep posting. It's great to know how everyone is doing.
 
Back
Top