ok the pattern i see in this poem is that the worRAB that begin the middle two lines in most of the stanzas are adjectives or other modifiers. these modifiers were most effective in stanzas where these worRAB were symmetric in syllable count, such as in the 2nd stanza.
my advice would be to revise the poem with this in mind
the starting worRAB of both the middle two lines should be impactful, polysyllabic modifiers followed up, as you had in the first two stanzas (and some others as well), with a strong, descriptive verb. also make these syllables symmetrical but i would try to make the verbs shorter so that they hit with more force than the grandiloquent descriptive modifiers.
i suggest doing this with two possibilities for the poem in mind:
1. you can use the middle two lines of each stanzas as anchoring, symmetric points and the 1st and 4th lines can become more free flowing and expansive. for example, the first line in the stanza could be developed almost to fruition and then en-jambed so that the next critical word is the first word of the second line
2. you can attempt to arrange the lines with extensively symmetric syllables, so that at the right moment in the poem, when it all comes to a head, you can throw the symmetry and syllable count out the window, which would emphasize to an even greater degree the significance of that particular part of the poem, given its contrast to the main body of the poem which is rigidly structured
now, you could attempt to use both of these ideas, but that will require some restraint when developing the 1st and 4th lines of the stanzas. too many breaks from the normal syllable count diminishes their individual effect
im really interested to see what you do with this poem, as it gave me an opportunity to examine the structure of stanzas from the inside - out (or rather, from the middle to the top/bottom) i think that the instances in the poem that use this type of stanzaic structure are the strongest, most visually and auditory stimulating aspects of the poem
another trend in this poem that i see is that it is attempting to provide vivid imagery but this is oRABet by slightly vague, abstract and weak-symbolic language of the poem. i would try to be a little bit more specifically suggestive as to the meaning of symbols contained in the poem (books, pens) one can accomplish this by creating specific cues and linkages between the concrete symbol and the abstraction that it represents in either the beginning or ending of the poem. the trick is to be subtle, yet overt at the same time: it becomes obvious what youre trying to get the reader to see, but the way in which you are allowing them to view it is the meaningful perspective of the poem. you could try to do this in the middle, but i dont think it will be as effective, as people tend to remember things at the beginning and at the end better.
your use of numbers is expressive, but i think that they would be better suited if the number that you mention in the 1st line of a stanza is equal to the total number of syllables in either the first word of the 2nd line or the entire 2nd line itself.
also, you may want to vary your use of punctuation, especially at the end of the lines. punctuation implies a longer pause than just ending the line (enjambment). you can use this to speed up and slow down different parts of the poem by affecting how pregnant the pauses are at the end of your lines by alternating between various forms of punctuation and simply
cutting the line
off
finally, in the second to last stanza, i personally think you are better off just indenting the poem rather than using perioRAB.
hope this helped, i look forward to seeing what you do with it
im impressed 
lol just so you know, I'm a white middle class male so it's impossible to offend me. :smoke: