When I say America, I really mean America, as in the landmass composed of:
-USA
-Canada
-Mexico
-Guatemala
-Brazil
-Peru
-Uruguay
-Argentina
-Panama
-Chile
-Barbados
-Bahamas
-Trinidad & Tobago
-Cuba
-Dominican Republic
-Haiti
-Honduras
-Every little shit I forgot and I couldn't care less...
Seriously. We have got to be the most piss-poor gaming community to ever exist in this dimension. We systematically destroy every online game to fall into our hands by invading it like a virus, going where we're not supposed to go and basically attempting to have their way no matter what happens and no matter if they're right or wrong.
Skeptical? Let me point out some (true) stories. Some are almost benign, while others are genuinely scary.
GUNZ
I get called a cheater, a hacker, a n00b, and I systematically get kicked out of every game I join. Why? Because I happen to be winning by a margin that's a bit too large according to the taste of the game master. I win a 15-kill game, the second best is 7 kills. I get kicked out. I come back and jokingly ask what the kick was for. The reply was a simple "JUST GO" and I get kicked again. I ain't a hacker, you pussies just suck at the game. Admit it and get on with your life (or death for that matter...)
GUNBOUND
Oh, man, what haven't we said about GunBound already. Arguably gifted with that possibly has to be the worst assemblage of shit ever seen on the face of the Internet. I don't think even the whole galaxy of Andromeda has this many stupid people. Let's run down a few of the common mistakes: People use their opponents as meatshields but forget that by doing this, vice versa applies. You get called a n00b if you miss your shot by even as much as one pixel. You are absolutely forbidden to gang up on a single opponent (your teammates will shoot you down if you do that), you are also absolutely forbidden to kill an opponent someone else has damaged (those people will usually scream "MY KILL MY KILL MY KILL" and set out to shoot you down if you take down the opponent anyway), you must also click the Ready button within 0.00001 seconds of your entry into the game or else you will be spammed then kicked. You will also be called a hacker if you hit your opponents too many times, after which you get kicked. People also lack basic common sense such as moving away when there's a bunch of people stuck together, and I've seen more than one person shoot himself down because he systematically forgot to take the wind into account (which rarely changes if ever.) Oh yeah, if you use Bigfoot, you're automatically a n00b no matter what you say or do and you'll remain a n00b forever because you dared to even hover your mouse over Bigfoot. Don't ask me why it's like this.
ALBATROSS18
Sorry, even PURELY COOPERATIVE games have people trying to make life hard for you. It's recently become extremely difficult for me to finish an 18-hole game simply because people almost always forfeit when they start making bad shots. I've never seen foursomes disintegrate faster in my life. If that happened in real golf, I'd paint the whole damn course red with their bodies.
COUNTERSTRIKE
Self-explanatory.
PHANTASY STAR ONLINE
Ouch! NOLing, FSODing, GSing, hacking, cheating - I think PSO has pretty much seen it all. This has got to be the only online game where I've actually witnessed a cheat that allows someone to be reduced to a level 5 NPC. Even Microsoft Windows doesn't have such blatant security holes.
LINEAGE II
Oh man, if it wasn't enough with the grinding, you had people griefing you, gratuitiously PKing you, stealing items, killstealing, or asking for a reward if they happened to run into something you had dropped behind. Died? Lost your shield in the process? Just too bad. If you want your shield back, you'll have to buy it back from the dude who found it and patiently sat there waiting for you to try to claim back what was yours. Oh yes, let's not forget what has to be the stupidest story ever: the admin banned an alliance leader from the game. When several alliance members learned that the admin lived in the same city as they did, they set out to go beat the guy up. No word on if the enveavor was successful. When I formulated my opposition to such a retarded project, I was called an unfaithful little bitch and promptly banned from the alliance.
Someone mentioned one day that I had suggested a test should be taken prior to entering the Internet. I didn't remember, so it's a good sign that it was a stupid idea in the first place. No test is needed because AMERICA FAILS IN ADVANCE! You wanna know why Pearl Harbor happened? Because the Japanese saw it coming and gave us a pre-emptive punishment before it was too late. Unfortunately, it was too late. That's right. It was too late before the Internet happened. Weak. Very weak.
We're not worthy of the games we're playing. We don't deserve the servers we're playing on. None of them. Starting now, I decreet that the continent of America be banned from the Internet.
-USA
-Canada
-Mexico
-Guatemala
-Brazil
-Peru
-Uruguay
-Argentina
-Panama
-Chile
-Barbados
-Bahamas
-Trinidad & Tobago
-Cuba
-Dominican Republic
-Haiti
-Honduras
-Every little shit I forgot and I couldn't care less...
Seriously. We have got to be the most piss-poor gaming community to ever exist in this dimension. We systematically destroy every online game to fall into our hands by invading it like a virus, going where we're not supposed to go and basically attempting to have their way no matter what happens and no matter if they're right or wrong.
Skeptical? Let me point out some (true) stories. Some are almost benign, while others are genuinely scary.
GUNZ
I get called a cheater, a hacker, a n00b, and I systematically get kicked out of every game I join. Why? Because I happen to be winning by a margin that's a bit too large according to the taste of the game master. I win a 15-kill game, the second best is 7 kills. I get kicked out. I come back and jokingly ask what the kick was for. The reply was a simple "JUST GO" and I get kicked again. I ain't a hacker, you pussies just suck at the game. Admit it and get on with your life (or death for that matter...)
GUNBOUND
Oh, man, what haven't we said about GunBound already. Arguably gifted with that possibly has to be the worst assemblage of shit ever seen on the face of the Internet. I don't think even the whole galaxy of Andromeda has this many stupid people. Let's run down a few of the common mistakes: People use their opponents as meatshields but forget that by doing this, vice versa applies. You get called a n00b if you miss your shot by even as much as one pixel. You are absolutely forbidden to gang up on a single opponent (your teammates will shoot you down if you do that), you are also absolutely forbidden to kill an opponent someone else has damaged (those people will usually scream "MY KILL MY KILL MY KILL" and set out to shoot you down if you take down the opponent anyway), you must also click the Ready button within 0.00001 seconds of your entry into the game or else you will be spammed then kicked. You will also be called a hacker if you hit your opponents too many times, after which you get kicked. People also lack basic common sense such as moving away when there's a bunch of people stuck together, and I've seen more than one person shoot himself down because he systematically forgot to take the wind into account (which rarely changes if ever.) Oh yeah, if you use Bigfoot, you're automatically a n00b no matter what you say or do and you'll remain a n00b forever because you dared to even hover your mouse over Bigfoot. Don't ask me why it's like this.
ALBATROSS18
Sorry, even PURELY COOPERATIVE games have people trying to make life hard for you. It's recently become extremely difficult for me to finish an 18-hole game simply because people almost always forfeit when they start making bad shots. I've never seen foursomes disintegrate faster in my life. If that happened in real golf, I'd paint the whole damn course red with their bodies.
COUNTERSTRIKE
Self-explanatory.
PHANTASY STAR ONLINE
Ouch! NOLing, FSODing, GSing, hacking, cheating - I think PSO has pretty much seen it all. This has got to be the only online game where I've actually witnessed a cheat that allows someone to be reduced to a level 5 NPC. Even Microsoft Windows doesn't have such blatant security holes.
LINEAGE II
Oh man, if it wasn't enough with the grinding, you had people griefing you, gratuitiously PKing you, stealing items, killstealing, or asking for a reward if they happened to run into something you had dropped behind. Died? Lost your shield in the process? Just too bad. If you want your shield back, you'll have to buy it back from the dude who found it and patiently sat there waiting for you to try to claim back what was yours. Oh yes, let's not forget what has to be the stupidest story ever: the admin banned an alliance leader from the game. When several alliance members learned that the admin lived in the same city as they did, they set out to go beat the guy up. No word on if the enveavor was successful. When I formulated my opposition to such a retarded project, I was called an unfaithful little bitch and promptly banned from the alliance.
Someone mentioned one day that I had suggested a test should be taken prior to entering the Internet. I didn't remember, so it's a good sign that it was a stupid idea in the first place. No test is needed because AMERICA FAILS IN ADVANCE! You wanna know why Pearl Harbor happened? Because the Japanese saw it coming and gave us a pre-emptive punishment before it was too late. Unfortunately, it was too late. That's right. It was too late before the Internet happened. Weak. Very weak.
We're not worthy of the games we're playing. We don't deserve the servers we're playing on. None of them. Starting now, I decreet that the continent of America be banned from the Internet.
