caliguy_30
New member
I am married and my wife and I are expecting our first child. I am however a step dad to a wonderful 10 years old boy. My wife is the residential parent and her ex has visitation rights. Tuesday, Thursday evenings and every other week end.
My question is that the dad seems to have stepped out of the "dad" suit and is just a friend or a buddy to the child, at least in his behavior. He refuses to spend his visitation time doing homework, or making the child read, and complain that his visitation time is used for the child curriculum activities (tuesday and thursday ... usually sports).
He has complained that we have him all the time and so when the child goes to his home its "fun" time ... my wife is doing all the parenting. Homework, schooling, dressing, feeding, taking care of him when he is sick, driving him everywhere, discipline and so on ... the dad come out like a fresh flower never having to discipline his child or be the "bad" guy since all they do is fun stuff. Movies, four wheeling, video games, eat out ...
How can a man call himself a dad, do absolutely nothing that a dad SHOULD do and still complain about everything ... and i mean everything. What brings a man down to ignoring the real needs of a child and the real duties of a father and act so childish while imposing his fatherhood. Are there still men that believe that being a dad is just about bringing home the bacon, paying bills and playing around? Is that the real definition of a man and of a dad?
Thank you for your answers.
Wow Steve, I am not sure where all that anger comes from but you sure have some. I am not jealous at all, I believe that there is a certain structure that is needed in a child's life to prepare him for the future and while play and fun is part of it there are more important things. I am glad he spends time with his dad, I would never take that away from him and i do respect his dad even thought he does not respect me. But sadly enough i think to myself, when the child grows up he will remember that I taught him math, that i helped him with his homework, that I was there when he was emotionally hurt and in comparison his dad was there for ... fun and to tell him to stop being a sissy. I don't know about you but I wouldn't appreciate my dad so much after that.
I just want the best for the child and I am doing my part and trying not to step over boundaries, however when those boundaries are not being crossed on the other side, someone has to do the right thing. We 2 play a lot as well.
I do help a lot and i am present and active in the child's life. My wife does not do "all" the work. I feed the child, play with him, spend time with him, work with him, study with him and so on. I try to do the things I think i am supposed to do and we both have a great relationship. I try to not over step my boundaries. I do not discipline him, but give him insights as to what is right or wrong and why. I do not do anything that is or would be "dad's" things. I know i cannot force him to do anything and i won't try. he knows it and we have a mutual understanding that is based on respect. i thought I would make that clear for certain people since i did not mention it before and it might come across as a lack on my part.
My question is that the dad seems to have stepped out of the "dad" suit and is just a friend or a buddy to the child, at least in his behavior. He refuses to spend his visitation time doing homework, or making the child read, and complain that his visitation time is used for the child curriculum activities (tuesday and thursday ... usually sports).
He has complained that we have him all the time and so when the child goes to his home its "fun" time ... my wife is doing all the parenting. Homework, schooling, dressing, feeding, taking care of him when he is sick, driving him everywhere, discipline and so on ... the dad come out like a fresh flower never having to discipline his child or be the "bad" guy since all they do is fun stuff. Movies, four wheeling, video games, eat out ...
How can a man call himself a dad, do absolutely nothing that a dad SHOULD do and still complain about everything ... and i mean everything. What brings a man down to ignoring the real needs of a child and the real duties of a father and act so childish while imposing his fatherhood. Are there still men that believe that being a dad is just about bringing home the bacon, paying bills and playing around? Is that the real definition of a man and of a dad?
Thank you for your answers.
Wow Steve, I am not sure where all that anger comes from but you sure have some. I am not jealous at all, I believe that there is a certain structure that is needed in a child's life to prepare him for the future and while play and fun is part of it there are more important things. I am glad he spends time with his dad, I would never take that away from him and i do respect his dad even thought he does not respect me. But sadly enough i think to myself, when the child grows up he will remember that I taught him math, that i helped him with his homework, that I was there when he was emotionally hurt and in comparison his dad was there for ... fun and to tell him to stop being a sissy. I don't know about you but I wouldn't appreciate my dad so much after that.
I just want the best for the child and I am doing my part and trying not to step over boundaries, however when those boundaries are not being crossed on the other side, someone has to do the right thing. We 2 play a lot as well.
I do help a lot and i am present and active in the child's life. My wife does not do "all" the work. I feed the child, play with him, spend time with him, work with him, study with him and so on. I try to do the things I think i am supposed to do and we both have a great relationship. I try to not over step my boundaries. I do not discipline him, but give him insights as to what is right or wrong and why. I do not do anything that is or would be "dad's" things. I know i cannot force him to do anything and i won't try. he knows it and we have a mutual understanding that is based on respect. i thought I would make that clear for certain people since i did not mention it before and it might come across as a lack on my part.