Am I wrong to complain so much? Please tell me.?

[hi there!]

I complain a lot to my boyfriend about his 19 year old son who lives with us. I ve been with my bf 5 yrs now and we have a 3 year old child together. A year ago his son, 18 at that time, moved in with us. He annoys me really bad. He is always making annoying sounds like a loud pop sound with his mouth, everytime he comes down the stairs. Everytime!! then he whistles and hums and drums on the counters and walls while hes in the kitchen looking for something to eat. His room is totally disgusting. I mean really really gross, garbage every where. His bed sheets went 10 months un washed til I threw them away. You see, I finally went in his room and really cleaned. I had to throw his pillows away becuase he never used pillow cases, they were icky and smelly. He has his own bathroom and hes had it for about 5 months now, since weve moved to a new house. He has not once cleaned it. I have to clean it and then I get really mad. My bf say, dont clean it for him but its gross and we have family visit and I have to clean it. A week ago I put cleaning supplies in his bathroom and he didnt clean so today I lost it! I told my bf either he starts cleaning up after himself or he moves out. My bf says I complain all the time. I also think his son should go to college or he will never be able to move out. I think hes too old to be living with us. He has a job at Wal-mart and he is late everyday, no lie and he doesnt start til 3 pm. He sleeps til 230 everyday unless hes off then he sleeps til 5 pm. He dropped out of school and so I bought him GED book but he hasnt touched it. I am really getting sick of all this. My bf has 2 other kids, ages 21 and 23 and they live with their mom. They are both unemplyed and college drop outs. His daughter who is 21 wants to move in with us. I am losing my mind and I complain a lot I complain about him (his son) not putting his dishes in dishwasher, him not cleaning room or bathroom. talking all night on the phone and not trying to better his life so he can get the **** out of our home. Now I must mention I dont work, I am full time college student at night and stay at home mom.
when he talks on the phone it keeps me awake as his room is next to ours. He laughs really loud all night.
thanks everyone. I may just not like him. I dont know why I feel like that tho. I also have 2 older kids and my kids are messy slobs too when they come to my house but they dont live with us, I just yell at my kids. not in a bad way and my kids say ok ok I will. I feel afraid to tell his son like I'd tell my own kids. I tell his son like once in a great while then I just start complainimng. I hear my mom always complaining about stuff and I mean always, Im 37, my moms in her 60s now but she complains and it sounds bad and I want to stop my complaining but it seems to just not stop. I know it soounds crazy. I need to work on myself i guess.
its not just his father's home. Its our home. someone says his kids have every right to live in his fathers home well its my home too and not when they are grown and werent in the home when we started our relationship. He lives with us because his moms house was getting to crowded with grown kids

 

[gina]

It should become a RULE that he get his GED if he wishes to continue living at the house rent free. No negotiations, he must get a GED and show he is working toward full adulthood.

I wouldn't worry so much about the room... you can pass a rule that the bathroom be cleaned once a week and that dishes go in the dishwasher.

As for whistling, etc... that's who he is, deal with it. If he wants to talk on the phone all night, who cares? He doesn't have to wake up for school in the morning.

I would try to stop complaining. At least he is working. At least he is not doing worse things in the house. The more you complain, the more you are seen as a nag and your concerns won't be taken as seriously. But it is totally in line to make him get his GED, clean his bathroom once a week and clean up around the house. However, I would let the room go... if at 19, he isn't keeping it clean on his own, he's just not going to do it.

I would also recommend not randomely cleaning his room on your own, either, as that could lead to massive blowouts... it is his space.