Am I wrong to be concerned? My husband says I'm complaining and he can't take it

A

AmberT

New member
anymore.? My husband and I always have the SAME argument about him being honest with me about spending money on his grown son who wont work and has a drug problem and about him sharing intimate parts of his life and having a closer relationship with his female employee than me because she "dosn't complain". I just want him to be honest and intimate with me, is that so wrong?
 
He can spend all the money he wants on his son if it doesn't screw your budget. Nagging is the worse thing a woman can do. Instead of complaining you should come up with solution about his drug addict son. He needs to go in detox.
 
Complaining does tend to drive men away but it sounds like you have a bigger problem. You seem to have legitmate complaints that he is not paying attention to. If he is not going to change it is time to stop complaining and time to start divorce proceedings.
 
Are you being bossy? Men hate bossy women and you can't control the money he wants to give to his son, even if his son sticks up his ***. He might have a legitimate claim when he says he doesn't talk to you because all you do is complain - the bossy thing again, you complain because he didn't do what you expected him to do. Men want to have control of their own lives and feel like they are the boss, not you. It doesn't mean he has to be the only boss, as you are the boss of your own life too. Stop bossing him around and being annoying and laugh more, take things easier.
 
What you're doing is not as dramatic as physical abuse; but if I were smacking my wife around because I had legitimate concerns, that obviously wouldn't get me the results that I want. The same applies if you keep nagging. Most men do not respond well to it whether your concerns are legitimate or not.
 
Sounds like you're driving him away. Let him spend money on his son, maybe he wasn't there for him while he was growing up and is trying to make things up tp him.
 
Well is there any other tensions between you and him where he might think you are complaining? If not than you should sit down and talk with him and work things out. You say he has a drug problem? Well maybe he should go to a good rehab center. Help him and work things out. Just have a talk with him and ask him if he's being honest but try not to pressure him.
 
He probably doesn't tell you about spending money on his grown son because he knows you will complain if he does. This is his son and he is going to do whatever it takes to help him. This is not your concern....so ask yourself...do you want to stay married, if yes...then stop being concerned what he does with his grown child. The child was there before you were and that will not change. You cannot change what he does with his son so therefore stop fighting about it. Accept that this is a battle, you are not going to win.

Accept your husband for who he is, not who you wish him to be. Understand that he lies to protect himself and his son from YOU. He talks to the female at work because he does not want to be punished for helping his son.

How can you change? Be more loving, understanding, compassionate, and caring. Perhaps even say to him...Hon, I desire a close relationship with you. I want you to know that I am not mad at you for lying to me about your son because I know that you love your son. I want you to know that it is safe to talk to me about these things as I want to work together toward a loving home with you and your son. What do you think? Then let him respond.
 
Try listening. You want him to talk, but he is only willing to share with you if you don't complain. SO STOP COMPLAINING. His female friends listen without judging or telling him what to do. This is what he wants from you. Try it out and watch him change into a much more pleasant person.
 
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