dazed n confused
New member
Before I really get into any of this, I must say that I do know that I've got SOMETHING wrong with me mentally. I suffer from Depression and Anxiety, and my therapist has also mentioned the possibility of Post-traumatic stress disorder. I have been abused pretty much all throughout my life which has lead to a lot of trust issues and problems dealing with my emotions. I bottle it up so much that often I don't even know how I feel. I am currently 17 years old, would be a junior in high school but I had to drop out to prevent getting taken from my parents due to my excessive absences (anxiety related).
Well, I've been emotionally, physically and sexually abused. My father used to take his anger out on me and my brothers, but me the most. My mom has also taken her anger out on me before, though I think the first time she ever slapped me was when i was 13 or so. I am the only daughter between two boys. My elder brother is autistic, and molested me when I was around 11 years old while I was sleeping. He also tried to rape me when I was 13, but I woke up and fought him off. I've had boyfriends who were extremely emotionally abusive. So all in all, I have a lot of trouble trusting people and letting anyone in to know who I really am. But lately, things have really been going downhill. I've been struggling with occasional hallucinations and delusions for a while now, but they're getting more frequent and scary, to be honest. Right now I'm afraid to even attempt to go to sleep because I'm sure that I'll start hallucinating once I'm lying in bed and I'll be too scared to move and turn on the light. I just don't know what to do anymore, because I feel so bad and I feel like I'm just wallowing in self-pity but I don't know what else to do.
I sleep late into the day because hallucinations keep me up at night, and I just have no motivation or energy to do anything anymore. I've had to drop out of school because I couldn't function in class or school in general, my anxiety and everything was so bad. I just feel like everything I had ever wanted for myself is going out the window and all my friends have ditched me. I feel like nobody cares how much I'm fighting just to get up and do anything, to even try and be okay. Its like all my friends saw how I'm not the same and instead of being there to support me...just replaced me.
Do you think I'm just feeling sorry for myself? I'm not this whiny little weak person, I'm really not. I've always been the strong one for everyone but I just can't take it anymore, its too much. I'm tired of pretending to be strong when I can barely breathe anymore. I just want to know what's wrong with me, and fix it, and its just so infuriating that I don't and I can't right now.
Well, I've been emotionally, physically and sexually abused. My father used to take his anger out on me and my brothers, but me the most. My mom has also taken her anger out on me before, though I think the first time she ever slapped me was when i was 13 or so. I am the only daughter between two boys. My elder brother is autistic, and molested me when I was around 11 years old while I was sleeping. He also tried to rape me when I was 13, but I woke up and fought him off. I've had boyfriends who were extremely emotionally abusive. So all in all, I have a lot of trouble trusting people and letting anyone in to know who I really am. But lately, things have really been going downhill. I've been struggling with occasional hallucinations and delusions for a while now, but they're getting more frequent and scary, to be honest. Right now I'm afraid to even attempt to go to sleep because I'm sure that I'll start hallucinating once I'm lying in bed and I'll be too scared to move and turn on the light. I just don't know what to do anymore, because I feel so bad and I feel like I'm just wallowing in self-pity but I don't know what else to do.
I sleep late into the day because hallucinations keep me up at night, and I just have no motivation or energy to do anything anymore. I've had to drop out of school because I couldn't function in class or school in general, my anxiety and everything was so bad. I just feel like everything I had ever wanted for myself is going out the window and all my friends have ditched me. I feel like nobody cares how much I'm fighting just to get up and do anything, to even try and be okay. Its like all my friends saw how I'm not the same and instead of being there to support me...just replaced me.
Do you think I'm just feeling sorry for myself? I'm not this whiny little weak person, I'm really not. I've always been the strong one for everyone but I just can't take it anymore, its too much. I'm tired of pretending to be strong when I can barely breathe anymore. I just want to know what's wrong with me, and fix it, and its just so infuriating that I don't and I can't right now.