ive been dating my bf for a year.
friends for 3 years
we are 3 hours apart until june 1
i will be done my masters and moving back home to his / my city
since then i failed to live up to something i told him i would do
i have said several times over last year i was planning on losing weight to go from size 6/8 to size 2/4.
I dont feel comfortable wearing a swimsuit or wearing revealing sexy clothes with extra weigh on (im very petite boned)
anyway there were only a couple times he said odd things when we were just friends before dating (we each were dating other people then)
twice a couple years ago he told me out of th eblue he felt like "being mean to people"
then about a year ago he told me that if he wasnt religious he would probably act like "more of a sociopath"
but since he was a fun friend i shrugged it off.
so now fast forward and weve been dating ....things seemed to be going well
but then i found out from a mutual friend that he actually placed a personal ad on a christian personal ad site looking for a sweet smart church going girl who is "in shape"
i was beyond hurt because it was just after we spent a long weekend together (valentine's day)
I decided to confront him online and ask him why he would do this. he said he was bored at work.
i let it go and since then we had a another long fun weekend.
but then i received the ACTUAL email he sent out to the mutual friend who told me about his ad.
he acts totally single.
Now I decided to finally confront him in person ...
When he was relaxed and we were just chilling I asked him very seriously why he would put an ad online. That i felt he is trying to better deal and replace me.
At first he actually wanted to make a joke and change the subject.
then he suddenly turned on me and acted negative.
Even though I m a little overweight, i do exercise and eat well.
he told me im not in shape right now.
i told my friends this and they said that was crazy talk.
he then told me he has dated "a dancer, real model and a marathon runner" and that he looks cute chubby but it doesnt work for me. (Im not exactly obese ! size 6 or often a 4 in a lot of pants/skirts. my weight is mainly in my boobs and arms !)
he then added that im just coasting on my personality and the fact that Im devout believer with him right now.
Ouch
A lot of people , total strangers, give me random compliments on my looks. So I DONT understand his appraisal.
Since his sudden anger lashing out at me I now view him with trepidation.
Im trying to blame his sudden anger on being drunk, but he was sooo cruel.
The next day was Easter and he went back to being sweet and sunny towards me.
Is there something wrong with him ? Was he just being a mean drunk ?
he is nearly 36 and im 32 btw
i feel like there is this huge chasm between us. I am very UNDERSTANDING.
All he needed to do was explain why he did what he did.
Instead he added insult to injury by making me feel like an unattractive person in his eyes currently.
also, he does sweet things so it confuses me.
he once rescued two kittens and theyre now his beloved pets. (although he does offer them more affection and snuggles than me a lot. lol)
** and
he really has dated a dancer (his ex who left him) a "real model" (thats a crack at me because i did informal modeling)
and also a marathon runner who left him after they had sex.
he also works out a lot and is in great shape himself except for a small gut.
Additional Details
and im doubly confused because the day after this huge blow up over my weight, he actually invited me to both his dad's and brother's separate upcoming birthdays..........
why does he want me to keep seeing him and being around his family (theyre very attached to me and tell him how great i am a lot)
friends for 3 years
we are 3 hours apart until june 1
i will be done my masters and moving back home to his / my city
since then i failed to live up to something i told him i would do
i have said several times over last year i was planning on losing weight to go from size 6/8 to size 2/4.
I dont feel comfortable wearing a swimsuit or wearing revealing sexy clothes with extra weigh on (im very petite boned)
anyway there were only a couple times he said odd things when we were just friends before dating (we each were dating other people then)
twice a couple years ago he told me out of th eblue he felt like "being mean to people"
then about a year ago he told me that if he wasnt religious he would probably act like "more of a sociopath"
but since he was a fun friend i shrugged it off.
so now fast forward and weve been dating ....things seemed to be going well
but then i found out from a mutual friend that he actually placed a personal ad on a christian personal ad site looking for a sweet smart church going girl who is "in shape"
i was beyond hurt because it was just after we spent a long weekend together (valentine's day)
I decided to confront him online and ask him why he would do this. he said he was bored at work.
i let it go and since then we had a another long fun weekend.
but then i received the ACTUAL email he sent out to the mutual friend who told me about his ad.
he acts totally single.
Now I decided to finally confront him in person ...
When he was relaxed and we were just chilling I asked him very seriously why he would put an ad online. That i felt he is trying to better deal and replace me.
At first he actually wanted to make a joke and change the subject.
then he suddenly turned on me and acted negative.
Even though I m a little overweight, i do exercise and eat well.
he told me im not in shape right now.
i told my friends this and they said that was crazy talk.
he then told me he has dated "a dancer, real model and a marathon runner" and that he looks cute chubby but it doesnt work for me. (Im not exactly obese ! size 6 or often a 4 in a lot of pants/skirts. my weight is mainly in my boobs and arms !)
he then added that im just coasting on my personality and the fact that Im devout believer with him right now.
Ouch
A lot of people , total strangers, give me random compliments on my looks. So I DONT understand his appraisal.
Since his sudden anger lashing out at me I now view him with trepidation.
Im trying to blame his sudden anger on being drunk, but he was sooo cruel.
The next day was Easter and he went back to being sweet and sunny towards me.
Is there something wrong with him ? Was he just being a mean drunk ?
he is nearly 36 and im 32 btw
i feel like there is this huge chasm between us. I am very UNDERSTANDING.
All he needed to do was explain why he did what he did.
Instead he added insult to injury by making me feel like an unattractive person in his eyes currently.
also, he does sweet things so it confuses me.
he once rescued two kittens and theyre now his beloved pets. (although he does offer them more affection and snuggles than me a lot. lol)
** and
he really has dated a dancer (his ex who left him) a "real model" (thats a crack at me because i did informal modeling)
and also a marathon runner who left him after they had sex.
he also works out a lot and is in great shape himself except for a small gut.
Additional Details
and im doubly confused because the day after this huge blow up over my weight, he actually invited me to both his dad's and brother's separate upcoming birthdays..........
why does he want me to keep seeing him and being around his family (theyre very attached to me and tell him how great i am a lot)