Am i a good writer? Would you read this book?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Rawr-lee!
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Rawr-lee!

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Ok here is the beginning of the book...just like the first paragraph. Does it catch your attention?


On the longest night of the year, I glared up at the stars through a frosty window while listening to the sound of the charcoal glisten in the fireplace. I was home alone again. No surprise there. My mom always works late as a waitress at a local diner. My dad? Well he worked too, but only in the mornings as a worldwide company boss. But at night when mom was gone, he would go out to the back shed and work on his invention. He always was inviting something new. Mom never knew about it, and if she did she would flip. She only liked “business men” not men who go and work in the shed all day. So you could say my mom and my dad never talked and it was like I really had no family to rely on.

Tell me what you think! :] i know it isn't much but i just started writing this book :] Please be honest! I am open to hear any sugestions!
I am 12 and i just started writing because i kinda got inspired. :] oh and i meant i listened to the fire glistening xD sorry! anyways thanks for the suggestions so far! :] I have wrote some more and changed it to third person! i really liked that idea!
 
To be completely honest, it sounds like the diary of a ten-year-old.


"I glared up at the stars through a frosty window while listening to the sound of the charcoal glisten in the fireplace"

How do you listen to charcoal glistening?

"No surprise there. My mom always works late as a waitress at a local diner. My dad? Well he worked too, but only in the mornings as a worldwide company boss."

Childish writing.

"Mom never knew about it, and if she did she would flip"

Flip [in that context] is not a word one should use in book writing.

"So you could say my mom and my dad never talked and it was like I really had no family to rely on."

Never use "so you could say" in writing.


If you're eight, this is amazing. If you're over that, this isn't very good.
 
Honestly, No. It is not that you are a bad writer it is just that "I" books as i like to call them, are not for you. What i mean by "I" books is like "I went to my room, and cried until the room around me was a throbbing blur." I think you would be better at third person which is like this " M.J. went to her room and cried until the room around her was a throbbing blur." The second one would fit you. Give it a try!
 
If you're about 10 or 12 years old, then it's a great start. Just have an adult check it over for spelling and misuse of words.
If you're older than 12, then you need to work on your writing.
 
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