Affair with a married man...no judging please...just advice?

I

It's me!

New member
i have been having an affair with a married man for over 5 years.....in these 5 years, we have only had sex about 4 times,,,,,the attraction is definitely there but its mostly emotional.....i have a man of my own and have my own life but have been unable to lose total contact with him.....we talk almost everyday if not every other but we connect so deeply.....ive never felt this way about someone and i know its wrong and not fair for any of us but everytime we try to stop talking we always come back to each other...i love his kisses his smile his touch but for some reason we've never connected in bed....the attraction is there but we cant seem to connect sexually...idk if its bcuz of the guilt....but then again successfully cheat all the time so is it bcuz feelings are there and we cant be 100% together??? he has a stable life with his partner and i with mine and its not easy to seperate,,,nor has he ever lied telling me he would but at the end of the day he is the one i go to sleep thinking about......this is very complicated and i know most will be quick to judge,,,i never though id be in this situation and i know its going to end in someone getting hurt but i cant tell my heart who to fall in love with and unfortunately its with him..........
 
Why do people say no judgment just good advice when they do something wrong?

Sound advice requires sound judgment, even if that's not what you want to hear. There is no good advice that doesn't include some judgment in this circumstance.
 
yah but you are both married, so even though you love him, you can do the right thing and cut him out of your life. you will recover even though it may be hard for many months. it has to be done. good luck!
 
What do you really expect anybody to say? Are you just looking to stir the masses here? If this is true, sounds like you made up your mind, your the one who will be dealing with the repercussions of doing something immoral, not me.
 
I think you are attracted to what you can't have. Its the sneaking around that is fun, the forbidden fruit, the fantasy. It isn't real.
 
Have you figured out why you're attracted to him..and not so much with your husband? Sometimes we meet someone, and feel that deep connection and closeness, but because of where we are in our lives, can't be together. I can totally understand where you are. There's no easy solution without someone getting hurt, and that someone will probably be you...and him. If the relationship can never happen, eventually it will end. It will hurt you both. It just depends on how long both of you can endure such a relationship. As far as not connecting in bed, well, maybe you're only meant to be really good friends. It happens. Then again it could be because of the guilt you both feel...it's hard to tell. It's hard to be in love with someone you can never have, and it won't get any easier either. Hopefully at some point, both of you will work out a solution that will work for both of you. I hope that happens soon...so you won't be so tormented about your choices. Hope this helps...
 
First you need to take a deep look at your own marriage and ask why you are having an affair. What's lacking in your marriage? Are you unhappy? Is your husband treating you well? If your marriage is still worth saving for you then you need to tear yourself away from this affair 100% and focus on your own marriage, sooner or later YOU WILL GET CAUGHT. And if you think your lover will fulfill your emotional needs 100%, you are wrong too. It will not end well unless you stop this.

If you are unhappy with your marriage, then be fair to everyone involved and get a divorce.
 
No judgment here - you are committing yourself to being unhappy. He doesn't want to be with you. You are in love with a man who chooses not to share his life with you. Don't you see the problem with this? You aren't demanding the best for yourself. You're not insisting that he share his life with you. You are allowing yourself to be the girl on the side. If he really loved you, he would give everything up to be with you. He doesn't, and he never will leave his partner. So, why do you think you deserve to be treated like this? You should believe that the love of your life will do anything to be with you, and never want to spend a day away from you. That is when the connection is really there. What you feel seems right, but it's not. Trust me. I know. When you let him go you'll feel so much better! Good luck!
 
Back
Top