Advice?

[relbot]

My boyfriend is addicted to Dilaudid.
This has been going on for about 6 months now, and within that 6 month period he's convinced me several times that he's kicked. The most recent 'kick', had me convinced it was over for good, only to find out that it's still very much a problem. I am so sick and overcome with constant stress and worry, and i really don't know who to turn to, or what to do. I'm starting to realize that i can't do anything for him. I'm starting to realize that i myself need my own help at this point, because it's damaged me in ways i'd never even imagined possible. In recent months, i've watched him become an incredibly good liar - someone i don't even recognize. I believe at this point he is lying to even himself, and if i try and ask him about any of it (a lie i've clearly caught him in), he turns on me, immediately defensive and accusing - a very clear sign that his addiction is still in full swing.
I feel as though i've exhausted my frienRAB and family of the topic, and even though i know they'd always be fully supportive of me and would always want to help in any way possible, i feel like i've exhausted even myself of it. I want so badly to just leave him - to show him how much he's damaged our lives together. But i can't, because i love him too much, and i'm also afraid of what it might do to him if i do leave. I feel stuck. I feel like this is never going to end, and i am in need of some big support. I also feel like i'm completely alone in this, even though i know there are other people in my exact situation.

I guess i'm just hoping to hear some advice from anyone who has gone through something like this. In a way i suppose i just wanted to put it all out there. I'm just so sick of living in this dark place...i used to truly love and enjoy life to the fullest, and now i absolutely hate the thought of even getting out of bed in the morning.

Please...any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[56789]

give him an ultamatum get help or go , leaving him may be the only way , you cant keep putting yourself through this, call your local drug hot line , do what ever it takes , its a tough situation , you seem smart , so let him go ,an if he wants to stop ,he will. then your relationship can go on , till then ya your powerless , see if he is will to check out this forum , god bless

 

[readerroz]

I'm not sure what's available in NS, but I recommend you try AlAnon. It can be a help being with a group of people whose significant others, or family merabers, are all struggling with some form of substance abuse.

As the mother of an alcoholic, and the sister of a heroine user, I found myself in AlAnon every day, sometimes hitting 2 meetings a day, for the first month. It was hard to accept that I really had no power over their behavior, that I could do nothing to change them. It was comforting and enlightening going to the meetings. It was reassuring also to learn that these kinRAB of problems *do* happen in "nice" families.

If your relationship doesn't work out, you will need to protect yourself from ending up with another person with the same tendencies and AlAnon can help with that, too.

The ultimatum suggestion is a good one, even if it will be very hard to do. Look, there's just nothing easy about any area of substance abuse, for the user, or for loved ones. It's still hard for me to not talk about his drinking with my son every time I see him with a beer in his hand, but I learned how ineffective that can be. I was taught that even if they're lying in their own vomit, we have to leave them there as anything else would be enabling.

Good luck. Go to AlAnon. Have faith that you *can* have a good life.