Let me start out by saying that I am a lesbian and I am engaged to a wonderful woman. She is truly everything that I have wanted in a spouse. She is what many say is “too good” for me. She is beautiful, smart, and we have so much in common. We have good times, and laugh and she is loving, caring, and so much of what I cannot even describe. She truly loves me.
So what is the issue?…I recently had a blast from the past.
I used to be somewhat..ok fully… in love with my best friend, I‘ll call her Lynne. I harbored deep feelings for her. She was in my dreams, in my waking moments. Always on my mind, and over time what was a crush turned into full in love. I couldn’t describe what it was that made me love her. We never liked the same things, the same movies, food, nothing…nothing. We disagreed on everything, but that is what made her my best friend. I loved arguing with her, and then laughing about our differences. She was my complete opposite, except in morals values and the deep things.
She and I got into disagreement around the time I started dating my fiancee. Over a guy she wanted to be with. I didn’t like him, He was a douche and a jerk, she couldn’t even see me because she was with him 24/7. She and I fought, we had a fight…and we stopped being close.
In that time, my relationship with my fiancee, who I'll call Mary, grew, and I got engaged. Recently Lynne came back into my life. The guy was a douche, he was verbally abusive jealous and controlling and she called me early one morning crying her eyes out about how she couldn’t take life anymore. He was a true *ssh*l*…I cant say what I want on this site, but yeah.
I took her out, and we talked about how she could do better. Etc. We got friendly again. Back to our regular lunches, girly outings, she met my fiancee. etc.
My fiancee after a while got weird about it, and asking what was up with me and Lynne. I told her nothing, and Mary still stayed jealous, saying she didn’t believe me. She would ask alot about Lynne and I saying I wanted her, and I denied it.
Anyway, Lynne was supposed to go out with this guy, who turned out to have had a girlfriend already (jerk), and after that the douche guy came back, and she swears they arent dating anymore, just friends, but he is still controlling her.
He called her when she was with me and was yelling at her, and she was apologizing like he was her father, and I remember how messed up she was with him, and I got so angry. Because she deserves better. I wanted to kill that guy…and was seriously contemplating it..or atleast vandalizing his car.
After a morning with Lynne calling upset again saying no one could ever love her and she was worthless etc. (my bff has serious self-esteem problems), I mistakenly blurted out that I was in love with her and if I love her the way I do, a man will love her too and if he only has half of the love I have for her, he would make sure she was the happiest woman in the ever
Somehow at 8am, the fact I was engaged escaped my mind…..
She was shocked to say the least, and said when I asked her out that first time (it was like a month after we FIRST met) she never took me seriously. Either way…she is straight.
So I am up at 2am because I am being bothered by feelings I havent had to deal with in forever. And I feel guilty because I love my fiancee, and I feel like I am betraying her by even thinking of Lynne like that. But for some reason I am suddenly feeling love for her again.
What can I do? Why is this happening? I was fully happy with my fiancee and planning our future.
Why do I feel this for Lynne after all this time? Do I tell Mary? How did Mary even catch on to my feelings before I did? I can’t I don’t want to loose her. Its like, I love Mary but...not in the same way or as deeply as I love Lynne and that Seriously bothers me. Please ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!
So what is the issue?…I recently had a blast from the past.
I used to be somewhat..ok fully… in love with my best friend, I‘ll call her Lynne. I harbored deep feelings for her. She was in my dreams, in my waking moments. Always on my mind, and over time what was a crush turned into full in love. I couldn’t describe what it was that made me love her. We never liked the same things, the same movies, food, nothing…nothing. We disagreed on everything, but that is what made her my best friend. I loved arguing with her, and then laughing about our differences. She was my complete opposite, except in morals values and the deep things.
She and I got into disagreement around the time I started dating my fiancee. Over a guy she wanted to be with. I didn’t like him, He was a douche and a jerk, she couldn’t even see me because she was with him 24/7. She and I fought, we had a fight…and we stopped being close.
In that time, my relationship with my fiancee, who I'll call Mary, grew, and I got engaged. Recently Lynne came back into my life. The guy was a douche, he was verbally abusive jealous and controlling and she called me early one morning crying her eyes out about how she couldn’t take life anymore. He was a true *ssh*l*…I cant say what I want on this site, but yeah.
I took her out, and we talked about how she could do better. Etc. We got friendly again. Back to our regular lunches, girly outings, she met my fiancee. etc.
My fiancee after a while got weird about it, and asking what was up with me and Lynne. I told her nothing, and Mary still stayed jealous, saying she didn’t believe me. She would ask alot about Lynne and I saying I wanted her, and I denied it.
Anyway, Lynne was supposed to go out with this guy, who turned out to have had a girlfriend already (jerk), and after that the douche guy came back, and she swears they arent dating anymore, just friends, but he is still controlling her.
He called her when she was with me and was yelling at her, and she was apologizing like he was her father, and I remember how messed up she was with him, and I got so angry. Because she deserves better. I wanted to kill that guy…and was seriously contemplating it..or atleast vandalizing his car.
After a morning with Lynne calling upset again saying no one could ever love her and she was worthless etc. (my bff has serious self-esteem problems), I mistakenly blurted out that I was in love with her and if I love her the way I do, a man will love her too and if he only has half of the love I have for her, he would make sure she was the happiest woman in the ever
Somehow at 8am, the fact I was engaged escaped my mind…..
She was shocked to say the least, and said when I asked her out that first time (it was like a month after we FIRST met) she never took me seriously. Either way…she is straight.
So I am up at 2am because I am being bothered by feelings I havent had to deal with in forever. And I feel guilty because I love my fiancee, and I feel like I am betraying her by even thinking of Lynne like that. But for some reason I am suddenly feeling love for her again.
What can I do? Why is this happening? I was fully happy with my fiancee and planning our future.
Why do I feel this for Lynne after all this time? Do I tell Mary? How did Mary even catch on to my feelings before I did? I can’t I don’t want to loose her. Its like, I love Mary but...not in the same way or as deeply as I love Lynne and that Seriously bothers me. Please ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!