Advice needed

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bex7

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Hello! I am new to this site, I am so glad that I found it.

I would appreciate your views/insight.

I have been in a relationship with a man for 2 and a half years.

He is a musician. He uses marijuana. I dont use any substance and rarely drink alcohol.

At first I thought he occasionally used recreationally at practice/in the studio etc...and occasionally at home.

I am an attorney and also a mom of a 5 year old, so I told him I would not allow pot in my home/car/around my child.

He gave me a real hard time about this, told me I was uptight.

I stuck to my boundaries, despite his protests.

I should add we do not live together, we live 2 hours apart, but see eachother approx every 10-14 days, depending on schedules.

The more I got to know him, the more I became concerned about his "use". He would use when stressed or sad, in other worRAB to "escape"

I challenged him each time, and he would get very defensive telling me I knew nothing about pot, that he wanted it in his life and could stop any time.

I found this odd. His family then confided in me that they thought he was an "addict"

This blew my mind, and scared me, especially as I have a child, so I took it upon myself to start researching addiction, spoke to my doctor, a psychologist etc....

I then began to think he uses pot as a "crutch" to get through life.

He would say all musicians use it, and its no big deal. He lives in a very liberal state where pot is readily accepted.

anyway, I started to see behaviours I did not like....mood swings/depression/being lathargic etc.....and becming abusive...verbally and emotionally.

I then became unsure whether this was drug related or just his character.

I became sick last year with a serious infection, I was given morphine by my doctor when I was released from ER....and my boyfriend asked if he could have some...I said no, and was prety horrified at the suggestion, he proceeded to call me a selfish bitch for not sharing my meRAB.

I confided this in his family as I was so hurt/worried...they thought he should go for an assesment at a Rehab clinic. He reluctantly agreed.

The assesment concluded that he was an "addict" and should be enrolled in a 28 days detox. the therapist called me into his room and said, life with him would be one big mess without intervention......I was so confused and cynical at this stage...it really shook me up.

He holRAB down a job, hes in 2 banRAB, he functions daily BUT he does use at least every other day....can anyone give their advice on this ?

Thank you for your time!
 
Hello bex7 - welcome to the group. From you description, it sound like your boyfriend has addictive characteristics. But, until he realizes it, there is virtually nothing you can do. You or his family can have him committed to a detox center, but that will solve nothing and he will resent both of you for stepping in and he will go back to his old habits. He is the only person that can make the decision. Make sure it is what he wants. I would suggest that you consider giving him the ultimatum to chose between you and the pot to see if that triggers a response to stop the drugs. Once he decides that he wants to do it, then detox is a good choice. He will need not only the physical addiction taken care of, but the mental as well. I really hope it works out for you. Good Luck.
 
The short answer is to drop him like a hot potato! That is, unless you are one who
loves to live the dangerous life style. I have a daughter who also is in your profession.I would think that you could get some professional help on this.My daughter has done so.She also has one child.She lives several hundred miles from me,
so hanRAB on help is out.Please don't be a martyr. I will pray for you. Bill
 
A lot of people smoke pot regularly and function just fine. If he's into pills, too, that would be worrisome, in my view. On the pot, you'll just have to determine whether it's a deal-breaker for you.
 
Hi Bex

In all kindness, Bex, you don't need advice. You are a lawyer, and, if you reread your own post, you already know exactly what to do. The only decision to make is how soon to say goodbye.

Don't let emotion get in the way of a black and white practical choice here.

Best wishes
reach
 
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