Adopted and debating meeting bio mom

F

fauxfiala

New member
I was wondering if anyone out there is adopted and met their bio parent/s? I was adopted at birth almost 25 years ago. I've been having some health problems lately that the doctor is having trouble figuring out, and they could be heriditary. So, I've been debating meeting my bio mom. My adopted moms family knows her, so it would be easy to do. And my adopted mom says my bio mom asks our family about me, so I think she would want to meet me too. But, it seems like it might be weird..?? And, I just don't know what to expect. Please help... :)
 
Hi again,
Well I did and had mixed results. I didn't find "out" until I was 39 and by that time my Mother was much older than yours probably will be. Might make a difference. I think she was stand-offish because she didn't know me and wanted to see what I wanted from her.
Here's how it happened. I sent word to her that if she wanted to see ME I was OK with that idea. So she called me....we talked for 3 hours late one night. She was married and had not told her husband about me. Didn't know if she could. We met in private and yes, she later told her husband. She didn't react at all like I had hoped she would. I meen if I got a second chance I would probably smother my child, I wouldn't ever need a 3rd. She said she loved me but it didn't seem like love to me. Different than I was used to. Everyone shows love differently and if you have family that KNOWS how, anything less just won't feel right.
What I am trying to say to you is that you were given up for a reason and it is possible that Mom had rather not bring up the past. Most Mothers will want to meet you and love you more because she has a second chance and don't want to mess it up again. But reguardless what you decide......remember what I learned from my experience......YOU CAN'T BE ANYMORE TO SOMEONE THAN THEY WILL ALLOW YOU TO BE. If you don't have a problem receiving less than you expect and are willing to except what you get. GO FOR IT.
Good Luck and please keep me up to date,
Ron
 
My ex was adopted 40 years ago and chose not to meet his birth mom....but I wish he had. He has wrestled angrily for a long time with the idea that his parents didn't "want him"... All I could say to him was things were different in the early 60's for young moms dealing with unexpected pregnancies...not like today, where there are also open adoptions. There was a very good chance that his mother did not want to give him up at all, and that his father did not even know of him...

If you want to meet your mom, do it! But try not to build her up or down in any way ahead of time... approach it with a clean slate---remembering that everyone is human and in most cases, others were very influential in her ultimate decision---so that you are not disappointed. Good luck, I hope it all works out~~ :)
 
I found my bio mom a few years back. I got lucky because I also found bothers and sisters who I love very much. Since then I had one brother and sister to die and I was just happy to have met them and have them in my life. My mom I found out had been looking for me to and I was never forgotten and that goes a long way in making you feel you are whole and not missing something in your life. I knew that my mother had made a life with someone and that she had other kiRAB but I wanted to still be apart of her life. Just take things slow when you meet and it will work out great for you. Good luck
 
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