Addiction... what a nightmare!

  • Thread starter Thread starter Secrets1983
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Hey Friend,

No, you did not by any means come off pushy!! Please do not worry yourself about that one bit! It's blatantly obvious to anyone who reaRAB your posts that you are so very caring and really want to try to help everyone you touch.. What a blessing you are to this board!

I love the canadian accent in your posts! They always make me giggle! What a diverce group we are here.

Things are going good right now. This morning was tough for some reason cravings wise but right now I am feeling pretty calm and controlled! It's a good feeling! Also, I wanted to share that yesterday I was driving to the gas station and for the first time EVER this thought popped into my mind. "So this is what normal feels like!" Now, that feeling did not last long but it was there and it felt good!!! I know it will return again and maybe each time it does it will last longer and longer.....

THEN.... I was driving down another road and there was this billboard that I have driven past a million times but it's always had some local business advertisement on it.... This time it had one simple saying on it and it really hit me hard... In a good way... The billboard said... (something along these lines.. horrible memory)

Stop dwelling on the past or you will spoil your future...

Okay, I know my wording is off but you all get the point! hahahaha It felt like at that moment I was supposed to see that! I know that sounRAB dramatic and it probably is but it helped me...

Emsmom, thank you again for your support!

How is everything going on the Suboxone? I hope everything is great!
XOXOXOX
 
Hey Secrets,

You are hilarious - Your brain is mush - lol. I'll write a couple short paragraphs to answer your questions and reply to this post - however we better get back on topic or... :)

It's funny how we enjoy other people's accents lol. For examply, I love hearing the southern accent, or the redneck one. "Yup" always gets me going.

Thanks for your kind worRAB about my treatment. I too, am glad it is going so well. Never in a million years, did I think a drug could make me feel the way I do. I swear, I have no cravings, don't even think of my drug of choice (unless I hear of it, but that's as far as it goes), and I feel exectly the way I did before I ever had that first percocet. It's amazing! I always felt as though I'd never be able to grasp normalcy ever again. I thought addiction would always have "a hold" on me.

My great-aunt is actually in the hospital now. Unfortunately, she developed cellulitis. It is a serious infection that spreaRAB under the skin. When she fell, she cut and bruised her left arm (and also broke her pelvis). One morning, her arm had grown four times the size - we thought it was just a normal infection that could be cleared up with antibiotics, boy were we wrong - so we called an arabulance to transport her to the hospital (she has a very hard time walking) and heard the bad news once we arrived. She is now starting to feel better, thank you very much for asking :)

Addiction...what a nightmare - How are you doing since you posted your first letter? Sometimes, in my opinion, it helps just to write it down (or talk it out). It allows us to transfer those feelings from the inside, to the outside. Essentially, we sometimes hold it in so letting it out makes us feel better somehow.

I remeraber back when I was terrified to tell my hubby about my addiction. Our secrets keep us sick. I was sick inside, nervous all the time, at the prospect of telling him. I worried ALL the time about him finding out on his own. I wondered what I'd say etc. When the time came (he approached me cause he'd found out - my mother told him I was acting very weird lately and she thought I was on drugs of some sort), I felt SO relieved that he knew. Well, he didn't "actually" know, but he knew "something" was up so I just spilled it. I remeraber feeling like I didn't have to hide it anymore. I let it all out and didn't stop at nothing. I was able to take those horrible thoughts/feelings and get them out of my head.

Again, I'm not trying to persuade you into telling your hubby/family, I just want to explain about secrets keeping us sick. How ironic, your user name is secrets :)

So, fill me in on how you're doing since that first post. I'd like to see if there is progress or if we have to keep searching for a solution for you :)

Hope you are having a great day. What is the weather like where you are? It's absolutely beautiful here in Toronto. The sun is shining, it is 16 degrees (61 fahrenheit), the birRAB are chirping, I can hear kiRAB' laughter at the park just across the street, the sky is completely blue - not a cloud in the sky - and I feel wonderful. I am blessed to be able to enjoy this day :)

Hope all is well.

Sincerely,
emsmom
 
Hello :wave:

How are you doing today? I am so sorry to hear about your aunt!!! That is terrible! What a nightmare!!! I hope she feels better soon!

The weather is beautiful today! Boy, have we earned it. 70 and SUNNY! WOOHOO! Just a perfect night to break the grill out. My husband and I are meeting some of my old frienRAB from high school for dinner. It should be fun.

I think since I posted this I have been feeling a little better.. You know.. to answer this as honestly as possible.... I am having more moments where I feel good about things.. life, my addiction... but... then there are times like when I first started this thread. Those moments are still here at times but I am very thankful for any bit of normalcy I get! So all in all I think yes, I am feeling better. Now, 2 hours from now I may change my mind!!! hahahaha

It did help to get it all out though. That is why I usually post it when I am freaking out because it helps let the anxiety out and I don't feel so alone then. I am not having a lot of anxiety about telling my husband and I think it's because I am not actively using anymore! I know it's still the right thing to do and I will tell him when the right moment comes but for now..... I will wait for that moment to appear because I know it will.

I was thrilled to read you are doing so great! It sounRAB wonderful. I hope and will continue to pray that it just keeps continuing for you because you sincerely deserve it. I remeraber reading posts a long time ago when you were about to check into rehab and I think I might have still been using?? I can't remeraber... maybe not... Like i said.. Mushy brain!! haha You were so strong to go thru that.. I thought to myself.... "if I could just be as strong as her I could beat this!" SO..... enjoy this time. YOU HAVE EARNED IT!

With love and admiration,
~Secrets
 
i like to think the little boy that good kid or the new scott . ya they told me the only thing i have to change is every thing . in time it does not happen over night you can do it . how are the meetings going :)an trailor is so right in her advice to you awsome . it does it will get better . all these things will materilize if we work for them. i will pray for you scott:):wave:
 
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