A stab (I think I killed it) at free verse poetry...what do YOU think?

E

elyslund

New member
Free verse? Dang...I did mine all wrong...impossible to write free verse form on hooya, the way it's meant to be formatted, style of the lines...damn left justificaTION!
That was cute! Work with it...it's crying to be filled out and longer...
 
I saw you
looking at yourself
in the window at
the hardware store

Going inside, I hid
my heart beat
skipping

Flirtatious eyes
breaking
down the wall
built up from past
experience

You knew, didn't you?
without asking...

...I'd used the credit card
again
Edit: this is acutually me and my husband out shopping. Thanks for reading!
 
If you used the credit card for hardware items why was he there in the first place? Did he help you shop and went outside while you paid for it?
If you used it for dresses and such I know what that means and all the flirting in the world may not change his disposition.
It's one thing to leave the verse up to imagination and another thing to confuse the reader.
I'm just reflecting what I read f/ what you wrote.
Don't let me discourage you f/ writing ... you have talent.
 
Playing hard to get is a crucial part of the game of love. It's like hiding your cards in a poker game in addition to sending eye-test messages. experienced Flirtatious eyes break down walls, roll heads, expose hidden cards of the other side; make a Royal Flush, Full house and a lot more..lol
You didn't kill it, but rather you nailed thesucker! My complements!
 
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