A Spot In The Universe

[metalshred95]

A building so high
Where everyone goes
And disbanRAB all of their woes
Wouldn't you like to know
Where everyone goes

It's a beautiful place
Behind my face
In an endless field
Unconcealed
Joyful
Fortunate and glad

A spot on the universe
A hole in my mind
Where no one can go
But me
-----------------------

 

[gamerdude987]

come on, no one? D:

 

[sammyt]

I like this... I like the spot in the universe is just in your mind not an actual place

 

[Sahil K]

Ehh, the rhyming kinda sucks. It's really basic and predictable. The middle stanza has a horribly jumbled flow. You have a rhyming couplet, then a phrase, then four random adjectives. Try making those ideas connect better. Not a bad attempt, but it neeRAB work.