A new poem, comments and criticisms please?

T

Thomas

New member
i wrote this one didn't take me too long, so theres likely to be spots not everyone likes, but i like how it turned out....i started to run out of synonyms for broken/destroy but overall i think it's good. Hope you enjoy it =)

a poetic mind, a beautiful soul
the broken heart, doth take it's toll
a shattered mirror, an open heart
the twisted way and injured part
a shredded letter and shivered forfeit
my mangled remains and crippled spirit
a new life, with this damage i can't fix
but through flame I rise, as a phoenix

ps i read it through and the flow gets wierd at the end, when i read it out loud though i can make it work(more dramatic lol)
 
no trust me i lik it its cool! yea i know wat u mean
my poems can sometimes b off and it gets frustrating
so i just start all over. but trust me, your really good!

-shnn:)
 
I like it. As you already mentioned, the flow is kinda funky toward the end. One nitpick: "doth take it's toll" it's should be its. No apostrophe.
 
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