40 things that only happern in movies :)

No Computer runs Windows, Mac OS or Linux they all run a proprietary OS that beeps after every key press and every single function can be accessed using only the keyboard.

All Computers consist of only a monitor and a keyboard unless there is product sponsorship in which case it will be an Apple or a Dell.

A car making jumps of over 100feet are made of anti-deforming metal so that even when the car hits the ground and the engine bay is at a right angle to the rest of the car in the next shot it will be back to normal.

Heavy landing in car jumps will result in the occupant merely bouncing in his seat.

People who drive old cars in modern films are going to die in a car crash

If a thug is shot he will stay down even if you only hit his hand.

If the main bad guy is shot he will not be dead until you have put a bullet between his eyes or he is crushed in a hugely complex piece of machinery

If the good guy is shot he will stay down for several seconRAB before getting up and continuing to fight even if shot in the head.

If you are black and in a group of 5 or 6 survivors from a disaster you are going to die maybe 2nd or 3rd.
 
The kind of OS which instantaneously boots up when you switch your laptop on - no waiting for the OS to load, just switch on and start typing straight away.

Computers also always have amazing image-enhancing software which actually makes images sharper and clearer the more you magnify the image.
 
There were actually some American-made cars in real life that had this problem, although i think theyve all been taken off the market now. If they were crashed into in the right place, they would burst into flames due to a design fault.

It was during the invetsigations into this and similar faults with cars that the infamous memo was found with the formula for (number of people killed) vs (loss of sales and money caused by fixing the problem).

My favourite one with cars is that when a car is in a crash and enRAB up on its roof, the occupants of the car don't seem to have much difficulty getting out. They basically open the door (how?) and lever themselves out. Theyre never injured and they never seem to have any difficulty maneuovering the seatbelt or their allround awkward position.
 
If you are a high school 'jock' thats good you will live, if you are a 'jock' that smokes cannabis or sleeps with more than one girl then the undead will getcha. (Same for girls, higher chance of a blonde living though. And more likely to die the larger your breasts and how often you shown them).

If you are in a bathroom and wipe the steam of the cabinet mirror - THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE IN IT - Usually seen just after you turn away.

When on a camping or cross country trip through America's midwest, always ensure that you fill up with petrol as the next stop will be run by some inbreeRAB. And it will be dark.
 
Any character that says "Don't trust anybody" to the hero/heroine will be a double agent who will later say "I told you not to trust anybody"
 
The fridge in a cop flat will have an everlasting supply of 'frosty' beers, even when the cop clearly never goes shopping.

A fridge will always contain a plate containing cooked meat.

Sandwiches will only ever be made with bread and meat, cops have no time for Flora or condiments.

A filing cabinet will always contain a bottle of burbon and two crystal classes.

There will never be a queue at the hot dog stall or news stand.
 
If the world is being destroyed either by aliens or nature, then famous monuments or buildings will always be destroyed first.

America will always save the world.

Road trips always involve loaRAB of sex between all the characters and the car being destroyed. Also a map is never used to find the way.


In teen films there will always be a boy and girl who are identical in status e.g. nerd with nerd, jock with jock loving girl (who is always the cheerleader) who will get together before the end.
 
  1. Whenever a hideout is raided by the police, a group of four gangsters sitting in the corner playing poker will stand up, knocking the table over in the process, and reach for their guns.
  2. Villains never tire of describing chess as a metaphor for life's struggles.
  3. Apparently villains can walk at a relaxed pace and still catch up to the heroes that are frantically running away.
  4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
  5. When the hero chases the villain (or vice versa), the two often wind up in some warehouse. While moving around the crates and boxes, they invariably have a profound conversation.
 
Uniformed (or maybe uninformed) police officers, usually British, will invariably shout "Oi! You! Stop!" at a suspect when they are still about 30 yarRAB away, thus giving him a head start in the ensuing foot chase, during which he will run embarrasingly slowly and attempt to climb a chain link fence.
At some point a police officer will climb over a high wall and be confronted by a savage dog on a chain or, if American, fall into a swimming pool. :)
 
Your typical hero can disguise himself as the villian perfectly with a bit of latex and a wig. Upon donning a latex mask and wig, he'll somehow become the same height and build as the villian, be wearing the exact same clothes and carrying any items the villian is wearing at that time having not seen him. And if spoken to the hero can sound exactly like the villian without any differences in tone or pitch, even the accent is spot on.

In films where a hero or heroes are holed up somewhere waiting for the villians army to arrive, they build a fort out of a few bits of cardboard, a few planks of wood and create cunning traps and weapons from material not previously seen in their location i.e. A few hoses and a couple of tin cans make a Chieftan Tank. Also the villians 10000 strong army always seems to resemble more like 100 during and after the fight.
 
The list that started this thread is taken from "The Bigger Little Book of Hollywood Cliches" by Roger Ebert, it was available from discount book shops a few years ago, it is very funny.
 
All movie groceries are in a brown paper bag (never a plastic carrier bag) which has green fronRAB sticking out of the top.

All chinese food is in the same takeaway cartons regardless of historical period or geography.

No movie heroine can run more that 10 yarRAB without tripping over

(a) a branch

(b) a dead guy

(c) her own feet.


No one ever eats a fortune cookie after they've read the message (which is odd because they're rather nice).

Any police officer who says he's about retire will die horribly before the movie enRAB.
 
Things I learnt from watching movies (title stolen from badmovies.org)

* You can outrun an explosion
* You can tell a person is evil by listening to the music
* You can learn anything really quickly with the aid of a montage
* Explosions are red
* Back in the 80's, a girl saying "I like you." was code for "Here come the boobies."
* Ninjas are very easy to beat
 
When there's a fight scene someone could have their head kicked in and punched in the face a hundred times and they still have all their teeth and hardly any cuts apart from a spot of blood in the corner of their mouth.

When somebody gets caught up in an explosion, they seem to survive by leaping forward and letting the blast carry them safely 100 feet through the air.

When people want to get into a car or house they can put their arm or fist through the glass without getting a single scratch.
 
In martial arts movies the bad guys always attack one at at time after forming a neat queue, instead of dogpiling the hero and smacking him senseless.

Fire extingushers are always used as a weapon rather than to put out fires. :)
 
in the 80 movies vietnamease were just too many to be finished off (says much about how the war ended)
double split kicks are always in slow motion.
the bad guy always dies hard and he never wins.
when one enters a car in the dark and his face is shown first there is always some one at the back.
in terrorist related movies there is always an insider in washington or close to the presidency.
all comedies have good endings
 
Anybody shown typing can produce a perfect letter depite only hitting the letters a,s d and j, k, l

You know you are in London by the shots of the big, red, shiny bus and Big Ben.

Similarly, you know you are in England by the red phone boxes, pillar boxes and bobbies on the beat - and the fact that everyone talks with a Cockney accent.

No one ever neeRAB to go to the toilet.
 
If two cops are asked to solve a murder the divorced, alcoholic, borderline racist one will always solve it before the highly intelligent, well-dressed, well-spoken one.

Also 9 times out of 10 the second cop will either:

A. Turn out to be on the take from the local crime boss who committed the murder.

or

B. Will be the murderer himself
 
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