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Wow. I burned 100 calories just reading that!

I like it, I think it's good and that you should keep on writing. Just keep writing, throw it all into a box or drawer until later when you need it (for publishing!).

The 'partially hydroGEnated tallow trigIiceride' is OIL.

Hmm, "life"? I once attended a LOVE WITH CARE concert, it was a benefit for VD, "the gift that keeps on giving..."

There are no phone books in Britain?

HAHAHA, I'd ruin their lives! "you want drama, here's yer drama!"

What a sorry little soul you are.

In my opinion, it's VISITORS who come & stir up the waters...

Perhaps leaving the US and taking their practice to another country, like thousands have done in coming here to practice.

I heard it "dies almost instantly", but I think it can live a few hours.

Well, then, it's biographical. Very descriptive of dark emotions and the relief felt from cutting as an escape from depression.

I'll tell you what! Isn't he lucky you haven't knocked him upside his head and laughed him all the way down the road. Yes, he has a charming, sweet and loving side. So what? He doesn't value it enough to develop it into the major drive of his personality. Further, he is like a teenage boy who...

"Duuuuuude" (dudette) ! This isn't a riddle, it's MATH! Riddles & jokes are humorous & entertaining. Ain't nothin' entertaining about MATH.