yeah, i am doomed.

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I lost all interest in life because I have this hyper awareness of my own mortality and aging. I keep feeling so awful and ugly and depressed and terrified imagining myself older and dying. No, I don't intentionally do it, it just comes-this feeling and thoughts randomly.

I just cannot get myself to accept aging and death. It makes me soooo depressed and sad. I am definitely convinced my life is ruined forever.

I just divorced my soulmate who had been abusing me (which I just came to realize) and after he hit me the worst. But with him I lost everything-my frienRAB, my security, stability, way of life, routine, companionship, half the time with my kiRAB, social life, feeling young and content, confidence, a life plan-a sense of how life may go-that comfort.

Staying with him was not an option because he just became a monster but leaving him is just as or even worse.

I feel so lost and insecure.

I can't date again because who would want a somewhat overweight, almost 40, stretch mark laden mother of 2 young kiRAB with no career?
 
Battered wives lose all feelings of self-worth.You are normal.My area has a super outfit called "SOS" for battered women.It is hugely active,and is literally a life saver for these beat up women.I believe that you need this type of treatment, to make you whole again.Your past is history.Now it is time to get with the present.Call up your "United Way",and ask for the "First Call for Help" department.If a male should answer,ask for a female.Self-confidence literature can come later. Best of luck,Bill
 
you are not doomed. you cant stay with someone that abuses you, even if its a rare thing. i really understand what you are talking about as far as divorce. ive never been abused, however i was with someone that was somewhat passively controlling. thats neither here nor there but after the divorce i felt isolated and alone. i felt i lost my plan. im no therapist either but when i read your post i know alot of the feelings you were explaining all too well. i have been reading about a man named carl jung (pronounced young) and he was sort of the einstein of psychology. one thing he talks about is shadows, or inner demons, so to speak. anyway nobody is perfect, everyone has tons of flaws. but the flaws make us unique and special. they dont condemn us at all. how would we know what light is without darkness, or what the truth is without lies. its how people perceive things. if you can learn to accept that you have flaws (like everyone does) and use them for your advantage rather than try to hide them, or try to hide from people in general, then you will start feeling way better about your situation. there are good parts of every negative. sadness reminRAB us what happiness is. life is full of highs and lows. you are in a low spot now but trust me there is only one direction you can go from rock bottom and thats UP!

if you go around telling yourself you are doomed, you will be. so try to tell yourself positive things. pick out a good quality in yourself. something you pride yourself on. maybe several things. maybe a quality you feel like you lost through your divorce, but you did not. focus on positive things and it will make your life easier. try to catch yourself thinking negative thoughts and change it to something good. you WILL get through this an you WILL be happy again. its just a matter of time. like a teenager waiting to turn 18 and be free. it will happen, but you cant rush it, it will just happen in time.

these are the things that get me through everyday. hope you can use some of it. good luck
 
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