Xanax dependence

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sam061

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About 30-35 years ago I was teaching inner city middle school. It was very stressful. A new medication had hit the market called Xanax. My doctor wanted to put me on it.

My mother had been addicted to Phenobarbital when she was 18 and was institutionalized. This was back in the late 30's. I never knew it until I came home on leave from the military and was told by my Aunt. To make this shorter, my Aunt and Uncle helped me get her through the withdrawl. I didn't even know what the word meant. It was hell for all of us. I ended up having panic attacks from going through all of this. The small town's hospital would not accept her because they said they weren't qualified. One night we thought we lost her to a seizure. She didn't even know who I was. Three days after that seizure the hospital told us to bring her in. So it tore my life apart. My dad had a heart attack 1.5 years before and died in front of me. I even watched the doctor cut his chest open for heart massage. I got him breathing, but to no avail. He was 48 years old.

Anyway, I told my doctor about my mother, but he assured me this would never happen. I began taking it and within a few days I felt so normal and relaxed even under the stress. After about a year I would get dizzy etc., my body felt like it was tightening up. The love of my life (my wife) took me to the ER. I was given a shot and I felt better. The doctor came back and took my bp. He said, "This is scary!" I said, "Did you give me too much blood pressure medication. He said, "I didn't give you BP medication. I gave you a sedative." My bp had dropped very low. He told me to increase my xanax from .5mg/3 times a day to 3mg/3 times a day. This really scared me. I called the other 3 doctors in the clinic if this should be done. Their nurses all called me back telling me to go to three per day. I did and felt normal.

Now 35 years later I began having those episodes again. We had moved out of state. The Xanax was controlling my blood pressure. If I would forget my bp would spike. I also have been told that under severe stress to take more. So now that drug is a life threatening drug for me. I have been told that back then they didn't know what they know today. Xanax should be for short term use only. So I guess what i am trying to convey is don't take that medication for very long. I had a cousin that was put on .25mg (short term) of it and she told me getting off of it was the most difficult thing she ever went through. Her husband had died and she was put on it.

So be very careful and follow the doctors directions to a T. I have spent most of my life in depression because of my past. Anti-depressive meRAB made me suicidal. I feel guilty and feel like a junkie. The doctors tell me it's not my fault, but that doesn't help. - SAM
 
Oh Sam,

I am so sorry!!!! This all sounRAB so sad to me. I feel terrible for you.. It sounRAB like you and your loved ones have been thru a lot over the years. This is good to know though.. I think it's great you posted your story. Hopefully it will help a lot of people on here! I take xanax occasionally. .25 mg is what they have me on.. She only gives me 10 at a time and that usually last about 3 weeks.. So at this rate I am okay.. However, knowing I have an issue with pills at the moment it's probably good she only gives me 10 at a time.
Thank you for sharing.. I hope things get better for you! Hang in there!
~Secrets
 
Secrets,
The problems in my life are even deeper than I shared. What I have written is only to inform. If not for my wife, I doubt if I had been alive today. - Sam
 
Sam,

Well, sometimes we are dealt a really crappy hand. The way I look at life is that what doesn't kill us.. makes us stronger. I know it's cliche and sounRAB durab but it's true. So after all you have been thru I would imagine you have to be tough as nails.

A lot of messed up things have occured in my life and sometimes I tend to dwell on them... When I catch myself doing so.. I think to myself. "OKAY. Enough is enough. You can't change the past but you are in control of now. Focus on all the blessings you have in life." When I do that.. I pretty much stop myself from throwing myself a large pity party.. When I get depressed I tend to throw LARGE pity parties for myself!! hahaha It's pathetic really but it's honest. We are all human and it's so hard to keep picking yourself off the floor when bad things keep happening one after another... It breaks a person down and I have been there.. I now know that is what caused me to keep taking the pills long after I needed them. It made me feel better and that is what I wanted so bad.. Something to take the hurt away. Well, all that did is cause more hurt because now.. my same old problems are still there and now I have added another problem to the list of things.. I am now an addict. So... to make a long story short. Give yourself a little bit of a break and take each moment at a time. Vent all you want here.. that is what this place is for.
I am now stepping off my soap box for now anyways!! hahahaha
Really... I hope you are having a great day!
~Secrets
 
Thank you Secrets,
With all the probems I have faced through life I still feel I am blessed. There are so many that faced more. I have a home and a great family. My sister-in-law believes hell is here on earth. Sometimes I believe she is correct. I am blessed. I have been in homes of children who sleep on the floor, young girls being prostitued by their parents, homes with no wallboard, children that have not been outside their own neigrabroadorhooRAB. The children suffer. I only intended to relay the message that xanax can be a good medication, but long term use of it and any medication no one can forsee. Have a great weekend. - Sam
 
Sam,

I am so glad you shared what you did.. I mean seriously... so many people are unaware that a certain drug can even pose a problem. NEVER in a million years did I think I would be in these shoes.. I remeraber years ago having to take pain medication for a surgery and it just knocked me out and put me to sleep and after a couple days I didn't need it anymore.. All of a sudden years later this drug affected me so much differently and I secretly fell in love with it. I think it's important for as many people who are willing to share their story and their journey as possible because I KNOW it is helping someone out there reading it. And in my opinion if anything I write just helps one person even in the smallest way then I am beating this addiction.

Thank you for your courage of sharing and hang around... I think having people to share and learn with.
Have a GREAT weekend!
~Secrets
 
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