writing a book need your helpp?

[fine_chick_forever]

“But mom he’s perfect for me!” “Charity, you know how I feel about you dating boys, bad things can happen.” Me and my mom have had this talk for about two months now but she just won’t give in about me going on dates with boys. “Charity, this is it; we are having a good day today, we will talk about this later! That’s final!” I’m thinking to myself, my mom never wants to talk to me about things that are happening in my life! As my mom turns of the car, I get out and run up the driveway. When I open the house door I run right up into my room slamming my door. I hate not having any one to talk to. As I lay down I see my phone flashing and see that it’s a text message from my crush. The text reads:
From: Marqess
To: Charity
Hey i was just wondering if you would like to go to the movies….even tho your 2 yrs younger than me I can deal with it….so text me back
--Later--


I’m thinking to myself, my mom don’t allow me to go on dates but I really likes him plus it’s only to the movies what can possibly happen? I waste no time to call my best friend Mesh and tell her who just asked me out on a date. “OMG NO WAY GIRL…..YOU BETTER GO!’ “I want to but how about my mom?” “Ok listen Char…. I’m going to meet you at the movies so you can say that you going to the movies with your friends but I’ll go see another movie to leave you to guys alone” “Mesh that’s a good idea but it’s not even all that serious, it’s not like we’re going to do something…Trust me we won’t!” “Whatever but Char I have to go, call you later and don’t forget to tell him that your coming… see ya!” I Couldn’t hang up the phone quick enough…I texted him back saying that I would love to go and if he wants he could pick me up at 7:00.. Now what could I wear?

that was just the first chapter of my story can you give me any ideas of the next chapter and the title is misunderstood do you like it so far

 

[Ark]

It's ok, but did you bother to check for grammatical errors at all?

Also, NEVER post your experimental stories online to let people you don't know read, it might be surprising, but people DO take this stuff.. I'm working on a book too, but what I do is get some close friends to read it and see what they think, I think you should try the same, I'm not trying to be a smart 'a' but I'm being serious, get a friend or two to read it, don't let everyone see it

Good luck!

 

[megan]

If this is for school, then I suggest you change the language a bit. It's a good start though.
For example, change: “OMG NO WAY GIRL…..YOU BETTER GO!"
to a different sentence.

 

[Homburg Molly]

I want you to keep in mind that this is all constructive criticism and I'm not trying to be mean.

I really don't like it so far.
It seems like there's no point to it but overall drama. No form of conflict aside from a bratty teenage girl getting annoyed because she cant have what she wants and then finding a way around it.
Your spelling and grammar needs a tune-up too, but that's not too hard to fix with a good spell-checker.

Overall, what you need to do is find a plotline. There needs to be something that happens.
Does she get raped at the movies?
Does her mother find out and send her to an all-girl boarding school, where WORSE things happen, but for a better ending ("the ends justify the means" sort of thing)?
Or does absolutely nothing happen and its just a story about some girl with a life that she thinks is unfair?

If its the last option, then maybe you should put off writing it until you come up with an actual plot. The final idea is just...stupid. It wouldn't sell.

Again, I'm not trying to be mean.

Good luck with everything!

♥/\/\♥

 

[brianna♥]

This has a lot of grammar mistakes, and is slightly repetitive.. Give it to a teacher to read over when you are finished.