Want to give me a mini-critique? I'd like to know what you think of my narrator, and why you think he's acting this way. Also, what do you think of the governor? And the floppy hat man?
Oh. Something to note: "guvnuhnorship" is spelled that way on purpose.
“She’s gone,” I croak. I think, you’ll never find her. Go ahead. Try. I laugh.
“Gone?” the little man repeats, as if he’s not heard me.
“Gone,” I say. I’m not a good liar, but I lie anyway. I’m too drunk for him to notice. “She drugged me. I wrote you a letter, your guvnuhnorship. I mean, your Excellency.” I fold my hands in front of me and bow like a good citizen, trying not to laugh. I don’t think he’s buying it.
He kicks me again, this time in the shin. I laugh. He’s a little piss-ant. The man from before, the man from his wagon, the floppy pajama hat man, appears at the corner of my house and scowls at me. I see him and laugh.
“Having fun on this trip, are we?” I say, giving the governor ‘that’ look. Wiggly eyebrows, knowing smile.
He turns purple and kicks my other shin. And I laugh.
Interesting... Critiques which are only rude and not constructive are not welcome.
@Camero: kicking in the shins is the beginning of a long line of tortures. They're looking for "the girl" mentioned at the beginning of the passage. The governor thinks the narrator knows where she went.
Oh. Something to note: "guvnuhnorship" is spelled that way on purpose.
“She’s gone,” I croak. I think, you’ll never find her. Go ahead. Try. I laugh.
“Gone?” the little man repeats, as if he’s not heard me.
“Gone,” I say. I’m not a good liar, but I lie anyway. I’m too drunk for him to notice. “She drugged me. I wrote you a letter, your guvnuhnorship. I mean, your Excellency.” I fold my hands in front of me and bow like a good citizen, trying not to laugh. I don’t think he’s buying it.
He kicks me again, this time in the shin. I laugh. He’s a little piss-ant. The man from before, the man from his wagon, the floppy pajama hat man, appears at the corner of my house and scowls at me. I see him and laugh.
“Having fun on this trip, are we?” I say, giving the governor ‘that’ look. Wiggly eyebrows, knowing smile.
He turns purple and kicks my other shin. And I laugh.
Interesting... Critiques which are only rude and not constructive are not welcome.
@Camero: kicking in the shins is the beginning of a long line of tortures. They're looking for "the girl" mentioned at the beginning of the passage. The governor thinks the narrator knows where she went.