UndiePantsDance
New member
Here's mine:
Wings of Endurance -
The clouds start to disperse in a syncronized drop.
A light blue blanket of sky tangles in no stop.
Only one flaw is shown, a burnt hole will shine.
Endurance to peek through, is the most delicate twine.
As intimidation of failure arises, please, take my hand.
Guide me to the sucess, to the green side of the land.
Stumbling words are bludgeoning me to a fragile infant.
Carry me out of this garbage can of deadly don'ts and can't.
Into the pores of a skin that's gone cold as stone.
A heart beats in rhythm and sings a meloncholy tune.
Piano playing politely along my home of a caccoon.
And when my wing breaks free, I can sketch you a dream.
Then, I will take your hand and guide you to my beam.
Please share yours too if you have any! If not tell me what it makes you feel like, if you can relate, and what you would imagine my feelings are at the time?
@ Bed of Fluers: How doesn't it? I asked if anyone wants to have a conversation about poetry, as in.. you share yours, I share mine.. I'm confused why that's relevant for one, and for two.. What made you think I needed someone to critique the way I ask my question? If I did.. I'm sure I could be clearly directed to the "How should I ask my question?" section in here. Wouldn't I?
@ Chase: I like the way you use your words, and you're very good at keeping focus on one thing. I however tend to be all over the place and just tell stories in my poems lol. Here's another one that reminded me of you're poem that posted, I think it's called "Would you jump too?"
As I gander the room, I was hooked on a stare.
A husky girl with a face hiding behind hat and hair.
Astonishing blue-green eyes peer behind strands.
With janky plaid clothes being fiddled with her hands.
She kept her quiet with a distance of noticed range.
I watched as she paced, wondering so strange.
A beautiful sunrise emerges through sifts of debris.
Something she held captured and intrigued me.
This girl tough me beauty with unspoken converse.
Unable to understand, thought after thought of rehearse.
I paid the fare, and sat down on the 539, my daily bus.
Almost everything was similar to normal, no huss or fuss.
But a man infront was the nail that couldn't be hammered down.
Covered in tattoos
(woops, it got cut off)
Covered in tattoos from what the eye could see to the ground.
Not only his tainted skin, he was blind without a limb.
He was a bird with clipped wings flying on a wimb.
This man told me that although people ponder him.
Reactions were unseen, so he lived his life on the brim.
This man tought me beauty with unspoken converse.
Unable to understand, thought after thought of rehearse.
On his first day on the job, most nervous as can be.
His fidgetting fingers anxious with a mystery.
He, too held his distance to hide the secret key.
This curly haired young man was Zachary.
With the tattoo on his right hand, a lightning bolt.
Who knows his story, maybe mistake, maybe jolt.
All known was quiet, straight edge as a blade of a knife.
With the quick click, ten after 21, used a 22 to end his life.
This stranger tought me beauty with unspoken converse.
Unable to understand, thought after thought of rehearse.
All paths were crossed to slip a message of only one t
All paths were crossed to slip a message of only one thing.
Life is the most precious, so race to happiness with timing.
Fullfill dreams with optimism and love all to nuture.
It's a clock with no batteries, that haults without future.
@hazel eyes: I love this poem, I was able to relate feelings to your words. I threw in a few words, and mixed some around. I'm not one for critiquing other peoples work, because I know that I don't like it when people do that to mine. But I always love to get a little help on some things, so I tried not to do any dramatic changes, but this is what I would if it were my own:
Hunting for your heart, with a hollowed body, (<--love this line! good hook)
I wander the encompassing darkness.
Every heartbeat, every breath, every moment,
Tears me apart from the inside out.
With you followed my soul.
No love, no life,
I’m lost .
A few more agonizing steps, I collapse.
A sudden depart, alone in the dark, longing for your tender kiss.
Trembling knees clutched against my aching chest,
A defeated cry escapes my lips. (another one I love.)
All our love has faded with bliss.
We're over, we’re done,
With scars to prove, although I'm numb.
I added a little more at the end because I'm not one to just
(continued..)
let my poems fade out, it all depends on your style. But you put it the way you like it.. and that's all that matters.
Remember that poems are SELF-expression.. not anyone elses. So write for yourself and don't worry if anyone else likes it or not.
I'm going to post another one I wrote that's similar to this that I wrote, enjoy.
let's chat a few moments.
about the birds and the bees.
the disgusting, the rodents.
the chemicals running up the roots of the trees.
i'm watching, and waiting.
searching blindly here and all around.
for that sign, i'm anticipating.
all i wanted was the water from your ground.
i'm falling into a mirror,
and crashing into myself.
causing pain, and so it will smear.
sitting close and observing, you yourself.
let best be best,
the worse is already worst.
in this circle, we never rest.
take my spot, you can be first.
Wings of Endurance -
The clouds start to disperse in a syncronized drop.
A light blue blanket of sky tangles in no stop.
Only one flaw is shown, a burnt hole will shine.
Endurance to peek through, is the most delicate twine.
As intimidation of failure arises, please, take my hand.
Guide me to the sucess, to the green side of the land.
Stumbling words are bludgeoning me to a fragile infant.
Carry me out of this garbage can of deadly don'ts and can't.
Into the pores of a skin that's gone cold as stone.
A heart beats in rhythm and sings a meloncholy tune.
Piano playing politely along my home of a caccoon.
And when my wing breaks free, I can sketch you a dream.
Then, I will take your hand and guide you to my beam.
Please share yours too if you have any! If not tell me what it makes you feel like, if you can relate, and what you would imagine my feelings are at the time?
@ Bed of Fluers: How doesn't it? I asked if anyone wants to have a conversation about poetry, as in.. you share yours, I share mine.. I'm confused why that's relevant for one, and for two.. What made you think I needed someone to critique the way I ask my question? If I did.. I'm sure I could be clearly directed to the "How should I ask my question?" section in here. Wouldn't I?
@ Chase: I like the way you use your words, and you're very good at keeping focus on one thing. I however tend to be all over the place and just tell stories in my poems lol. Here's another one that reminded me of you're poem that posted, I think it's called "Would you jump too?"
As I gander the room, I was hooked on a stare.
A husky girl with a face hiding behind hat and hair.
Astonishing blue-green eyes peer behind strands.
With janky plaid clothes being fiddled with her hands.
She kept her quiet with a distance of noticed range.
I watched as she paced, wondering so strange.
A beautiful sunrise emerges through sifts of debris.
Something she held captured and intrigued me.
This girl tough me beauty with unspoken converse.
Unable to understand, thought after thought of rehearse.
I paid the fare, and sat down on the 539, my daily bus.
Almost everything was similar to normal, no huss or fuss.
But a man infront was the nail that couldn't be hammered down.
Covered in tattoos
(woops, it got cut off)
Covered in tattoos from what the eye could see to the ground.
Not only his tainted skin, he was blind without a limb.
He was a bird with clipped wings flying on a wimb.
This man told me that although people ponder him.
Reactions were unseen, so he lived his life on the brim.
This man tought me beauty with unspoken converse.
Unable to understand, thought after thought of rehearse.
On his first day on the job, most nervous as can be.
His fidgetting fingers anxious with a mystery.
He, too held his distance to hide the secret key.
This curly haired young man was Zachary.
With the tattoo on his right hand, a lightning bolt.
Who knows his story, maybe mistake, maybe jolt.
All known was quiet, straight edge as a blade of a knife.
With the quick click, ten after 21, used a 22 to end his life.
This stranger tought me beauty with unspoken converse.
Unable to understand, thought after thought of rehearse.
All paths were crossed to slip a message of only one t
All paths were crossed to slip a message of only one thing.
Life is the most precious, so race to happiness with timing.
Fullfill dreams with optimism and love all to nuture.
It's a clock with no batteries, that haults without future.
@hazel eyes: I love this poem, I was able to relate feelings to your words. I threw in a few words, and mixed some around. I'm not one for critiquing other peoples work, because I know that I don't like it when people do that to mine. But I always love to get a little help on some things, so I tried not to do any dramatic changes, but this is what I would if it were my own:
Hunting for your heart, with a hollowed body, (<--love this line! good hook)
I wander the encompassing darkness.
Every heartbeat, every breath, every moment,
Tears me apart from the inside out.
With you followed my soul.
No love, no life,
I’m lost .
A few more agonizing steps, I collapse.
A sudden depart, alone in the dark, longing for your tender kiss.
Trembling knees clutched against my aching chest,
A defeated cry escapes my lips. (another one I love.)
All our love has faded with bliss.
We're over, we’re done,
With scars to prove, although I'm numb.
I added a little more at the end because I'm not one to just
(continued..)
let my poems fade out, it all depends on your style. But you put it the way you like it.. and that's all that matters.
Remember that poems are SELF-expression.. not anyone elses. So write for yourself and don't worry if anyone else likes it or not.
I'm going to post another one I wrote that's similar to this that I wrote, enjoy.
let's chat a few moments.
about the birds and the bees.
the disgusting, the rodents.
the chemicals running up the roots of the trees.
i'm watching, and waiting.
searching blindly here and all around.
for that sign, i'm anticipating.
all i wanted was the water from your ground.
i'm falling into a mirror,
and crashing into myself.
causing pain, and so it will smear.
sitting close and observing, you yourself.
let best be best,
the worse is already worst.
in this circle, we never rest.
take my spot, you can be first.