Would you like to comment on the lovely sonnet I wrote for Iano in just a flash of time?

B

Baby's blues rock!

New member
I edited it a bit so it reads a little better.

Who is skulking in your hulking shadow?
Her wounds might taste like salty cashew nuts
Sits pretty watching as you suck and blow
Small fleas are swimming in the dregs and ruts

She tosses back her head and nearly howls
Impertinent and freshly satisfied
Exasperated look upon his jowls
As from her reddened lips she soon replied

Not equal him as she's too feminine
Male egotism she will never match
As with her finger tips she rakes the pen
And marks her paper with a dot and scratch

No time to match her wit with one like that
She’s off to find herself another cat
actually no.. I just thought for a sonnet this was not one of my worst so I might as well flaunt it.. and it was after all written for the sorry sod was it not?
I am unflappable, I have poised my self confidence and I am not going to let anyone get on that last nerve now. It is isn the witness protection program..
Sherrif Lobo... I think it is consistent enough .. they all go together fine to me.
Is that because you have real balls and mine are just pretend? like your hamster.. big bad Ian?
do not think I am trying to match your wit.
I would not want to be a half wit. I prefer having the whole thing....
 
it's okay. kind of morbid. a hint of perversion? "suck and blow" the bouncing back and forth between male and female is i'm guessing you and a male cat? i presume you're the one raking the pen...

it could be better by making it a little more clear

also, might try to using consistent language (in my mind, using words like salty cashew nuts seems inconsistent with words like dregs and jowls...

but it's poetry and it's really all about you!
 
Frustration and humor all rolled into one... he really has you wound up doesn't he? I liked both of the poems, his and this one, but then I am such an easy going sort... ha!
 
Still has stilted phraseology in some places - no consistent flow. And you could never match wits with me - you're only half-equipped.

I don't think she got it, Reg - she's trying to hit me with the same line. (I got there first.)
 
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