H
Haddsley
Guest
...just feel awful? I have been really depressed recently. I know the reason, because this never used to happen before. Anyway, what happened was back in 2008 I was involved in a car accident where both of my legs had to be amputated at the hips meaning that I now have to use a wheelchair.
Sometimes the depression gets really really awful and everything gets on top of me. I get really depressed about things I can't do anymore. I used to really love playing football, and reckon I could've made it at semi-pro level like Blue Square South (that's kinda like a Division 6) which is the sort of level I played when I was at an apprentice sort of age. Football was my life really, we played or practised nearly every day, and I miss it really immensely along with the other physical things I used to be able to do. Aside from that, career-wise I get a bit depressed about certain jobs I could've done but won't be able to do now.
What's also depressing is even really simple evryday things I sometimes can't do, like managing stairs, and it's really really frustrating. Sometimes I have to ask other people to help me do things, and it makes me feel a bit useless.
I had really hoped to be able to use artificial legs, but it didn't prove possible because both legs have been taken and right near the very top, meaning that I can only use a wheelchair. I'm in my early 20s, and sometimes the thought that I'll have to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair all seems too much.
I also get depressed because I worry that I might not be able to get a girlfriend now. Before my accident, I used to do alright with girls. I duno why, but they used to say I was really cute. I had a couple of long-ish term girlfriends and it was really lovely. But now all my confidence with girls has gone. It just seems impossible that any girl would ever like a boy with no legs in a wheelchair, and I suppose I feel like a bit of a write-off, which is really depressing because I guess I'm quite soppy really. Sometimes I think I'll have to spend the rest of my life on my own, and that seems so horrible.
I guess I also worry that even if I did get a girlfriend she might get fed up with me if my disability stopped us doing stuff that girlfriends and boyfriends do together, and also worry that I might not be as good in bed as able-bodied boys, so might get dumped for that (I duno, I haven't tried sleeping with a girl since I lost my legs).
Oh I dunno, everything seems horible and hopeless. I hate having no legs and I hate being in a wheelchair, and sometimes everything just seems so bleak and horrible and I don't really know what to do about it all.
Sometimes the depression gets really really awful and everything gets on top of me. I get really depressed about things I can't do anymore. I used to really love playing football, and reckon I could've made it at semi-pro level like Blue Square South (that's kinda like a Division 6) which is the sort of level I played when I was at an apprentice sort of age. Football was my life really, we played or practised nearly every day, and I miss it really immensely along with the other physical things I used to be able to do. Aside from that, career-wise I get a bit depressed about certain jobs I could've done but won't be able to do now.
What's also depressing is even really simple evryday things I sometimes can't do, like managing stairs, and it's really really frustrating. Sometimes I have to ask other people to help me do things, and it makes me feel a bit useless.
I had really hoped to be able to use artificial legs, but it didn't prove possible because both legs have been taken and right near the very top, meaning that I can only use a wheelchair. I'm in my early 20s, and sometimes the thought that I'll have to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair all seems too much.
I also get depressed because I worry that I might not be able to get a girlfriend now. Before my accident, I used to do alright with girls. I duno why, but they used to say I was really cute. I had a couple of long-ish term girlfriends and it was really lovely. But now all my confidence with girls has gone. It just seems impossible that any girl would ever like a boy with no legs in a wheelchair, and I suppose I feel like a bit of a write-off, which is really depressing because I guess I'm quite soppy really. Sometimes I think I'll have to spend the rest of my life on my own, and that seems so horrible.
I guess I also worry that even if I did get a girlfriend she might get fed up with me if my disability stopped us doing stuff that girlfriends and boyfriends do together, and also worry that I might not be as good in bed as able-bodied boys, so might get dumped for that (I duno, I haven't tried sleeping with a girl since I lost my legs).
Oh I dunno, everything seems horible and hopeless. I hate having no legs and I hate being in a wheelchair, and sometimes everything just seems so bleak and horrible and I don't really know what to do about it all.