I'm working on a book, and would like to get an unbiased opinion about my writing. So i've included a short excerpt below. I just wanna know what you think, and if my writing seems detailed enough, if the characters pull you in at all. I thank you for your opinion.
Sierra sipped on her coffee as she watched pink hues spread across the desert sky. She loved watching dusk arrive, and always felt that there was something magical about this time of day. Dusk and sunrise were the most favorite parts of her day, as there was some special quality about it that seemed to energize her. There was a long road right outside of the diner, and it seemed to stretch on forever. As she glanced at it she found herself wondering just where it led to, and told herself that tomorrow would be the day when she finally began to explore her surroundings.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a large neon sign somewhere off in the distance. Advertising the services of Madam Norah, there was a large hand pictured beneath the words ‘Palm Reader’. She watched as the large hand blinked on and off, finding herself nearly transfixed by the on-off, on-off rhythm of it. Suddenly she got the strangest sense of déjÃ* vu, and as the scent of something unrecognizable hit her nostrils, it provided her with a feeling of comfort and security. The smell was of something she couldn’t put her finger on, and every now and again it came around. It happened at the most random of times, and not very often.
But whenever it did come, she reveled in smell, trying her best to hold onto it for as long as she could. Yet it always disappeared too soon, and then she would be left wondering where the scent came from, and why it triggered such powerful and elusive memories of her past. She was sure it had something to do with her childhood, but that was as much as she could remember.
A light tap on her shoulder brought her out of the past and back into the present world, and she turned her head to see Travis smiling down at her.
“Hey there, taking a load off I see.â€
Sierra’s eyes fell upon his silk tie, which pictured a smoking pipe, ashtray, and book of matches
“Yea, it’s my break so I was just having some coffee and pie.†Glancing down at the hands on her watch, she was disappointed to see that her break was over.
She slid out of the booth and cleared her dishes off of the table, and as she made her way over to the counter she could feel Travis’s eyes still on her. She took a quick glance back to find that he was indeed watching her with his grey, hawk like eyes. The way he smiled at her made her feel a bit creeped out, and yet she also found herself strangely intrigued by him.
He did have a sort of magnetism about him. Although the way he looked at her was creepily inappropriate, she had to admit that he did have an odd sort of magnetism about him.
As Sierra came around the counter, she saw Kate giving her a funny little smile. Her eyes then roved towards Travis, who was taking a seat at the counter. His attention was now upon Kate who was shooting him a look which expressed that she didn’t want to be bothered. Always up for a challenge, Travis began to sweet talk her.
“Well hello there, darlin’. You’ve been on my mind all day, you know. Whaddya say about dinner this weekend? I could take you out to that brand new Tex Mex restaurant.â€
Placing a hand on her hip, Kate gave her reply, “Well just a few minutes ago it looked as if you had something else on you mind,†she glanced toward Sierra, giving her a playful look and a funny little half smile, then turned her attention back to Travis. “And no I won’t go out to dinner with you. The answer is just the same as it always is. No.â€
“Always playin’ hard to get, aren’t ya? It’s okay, I’ll reel you in one of these days. But just to let you know, there are plenty of other pretty waitresses around this town…†he glanced around the diner at the other waitresses, and to emphasize his point he repeated, “Plenty.â€
“Well then by all means, find someone else and leave me alone, will ya? But don’t you think of pestering any of my girls, they’re off limits as well. You can look, but you can’t touch, â€she jokingly wagged her finger at him.
“Opening a menu, Travis gave a broad grin as he said, “A jealous woman, that’s what you are.â€
Giving a snort of laughter, Kate set down a tall glass of coke in front of him, then walked away to help another customer.
Sierra sipped on her coffee as she watched pink hues spread across the desert sky. She loved watching dusk arrive, and always felt that there was something magical about this time of day. Dusk and sunrise were the most favorite parts of her day, as there was some special quality about it that seemed to energize her. There was a long road right outside of the diner, and it seemed to stretch on forever. As she glanced at it she found herself wondering just where it led to, and told herself that tomorrow would be the day when she finally began to explore her surroundings.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a large neon sign somewhere off in the distance. Advertising the services of Madam Norah, there was a large hand pictured beneath the words ‘Palm Reader’. She watched as the large hand blinked on and off, finding herself nearly transfixed by the on-off, on-off rhythm of it. Suddenly she got the strangest sense of déjÃ* vu, and as the scent of something unrecognizable hit her nostrils, it provided her with a feeling of comfort and security. The smell was of something she couldn’t put her finger on, and every now and again it came around. It happened at the most random of times, and not very often.
But whenever it did come, she reveled in smell, trying her best to hold onto it for as long as she could. Yet it always disappeared too soon, and then she would be left wondering where the scent came from, and why it triggered such powerful and elusive memories of her past. She was sure it had something to do with her childhood, but that was as much as she could remember.
A light tap on her shoulder brought her out of the past and back into the present world, and she turned her head to see Travis smiling down at her.
“Hey there, taking a load off I see.â€
Sierra’s eyes fell upon his silk tie, which pictured a smoking pipe, ashtray, and book of matches
“Yea, it’s my break so I was just having some coffee and pie.†Glancing down at the hands on her watch, she was disappointed to see that her break was over.
She slid out of the booth and cleared her dishes off of the table, and as she made her way over to the counter she could feel Travis’s eyes still on her. She took a quick glance back to find that he was indeed watching her with his grey, hawk like eyes. The way he smiled at her made her feel a bit creeped out, and yet she also found herself strangely intrigued by him.
He did have a sort of magnetism about him. Although the way he looked at her was creepily inappropriate, she had to admit that he did have an odd sort of magnetism about him.
As Sierra came around the counter, she saw Kate giving her a funny little smile. Her eyes then roved towards Travis, who was taking a seat at the counter. His attention was now upon Kate who was shooting him a look which expressed that she didn’t want to be bothered. Always up for a challenge, Travis began to sweet talk her.
“Well hello there, darlin’. You’ve been on my mind all day, you know. Whaddya say about dinner this weekend? I could take you out to that brand new Tex Mex restaurant.â€
Placing a hand on her hip, Kate gave her reply, “Well just a few minutes ago it looked as if you had something else on you mind,†she glanced toward Sierra, giving her a playful look and a funny little half smile, then turned her attention back to Travis. “And no I won’t go out to dinner with you. The answer is just the same as it always is. No.â€
“Always playin’ hard to get, aren’t ya? It’s okay, I’ll reel you in one of these days. But just to let you know, there are plenty of other pretty waitresses around this town…†he glanced around the diner at the other waitresses, and to emphasize his point he repeated, “Plenty.â€
“Well then by all means, find someone else and leave me alone, will ya? But don’t you think of pestering any of my girls, they’re off limits as well. You can look, but you can’t touch, â€she jokingly wagged her finger at him.
“Opening a menu, Travis gave a broad grin as he said, “A jealous woman, that’s what you are.â€
Giving a snort of laughter, Kate set down a tall glass of coke in front of him, then walked away to help another customer.